Future 1st Time Mother Does Not Want To Have A Girl

5 Replies
gilmoregirl30 - July 6

Hi! I have a friend who is extremely upset because she found out today on her ultrasound that she is going to have a baby girl (not a boy). She is expressing thoughts of possibly aborting or giving it up for adoption because it is not the gender she wanted due to her not liking girls all her life as a child. Her mother passed away at the age of 28 while my friend was only 7 yrs old. She had very bad experience being around girls throughout her schooling experience and now. She was raised by all men (meaning a father and two younger brothers) and she characterizes herself as a complete tomboy. She feels she does not have any woman qualities to pass on to a girl let alone be able to treat her right. My friend expressed anger towards God, her husband's sperm not procreating the right gender baby, and is angry towards her relatives wanting her to have a girl rather than a boy. How can I help her accept this child?

 

aggie03 - July 6

wow...I can relate though. I was raised by my dad on a farm. I grew up not even knowing that girls should act so and so. When I found out I was pg I really wanted a boy b/c I felt that I could relate better to a boy. Now I dont care. I know that I turned out to be a pretty cool chick that does more "guy stuff" than even my husband. I would love the chance to teach my girl to be tough. The world needs more than girlly girls. Personallitys are no longer Gender specific. Girls were mean to me at school too, but if she thinks that there are no girls in her life that she likes maybe she look in the mirror. You should at least view yourself as a role model.

 

scarlett - July 6

If talking to her and letting her know that what she's thinking of doing is CRAZY will not do any good, get her to go for counselling. She needs help, professional help.

 

Perl - July 7

Your friend has issues that need to be addressed with a professional counselor. To express a little disappointment about a baby's gender is normal (maybe) but to actually say that she is going to abort or put the baby up for adoption is a little extreme and sounds like she needs help. She needs to realize that she has the power to help mold her baby's personality and being. She doesn't need to pa__s on womanly characteristics, just the moral values that she feels are important and most of all love. Socialization especially interacting with other children and people is what teaches us as kids how little girls act versus little boys. Parents have some choice as to how their kids are socialized. Some women place their girls in ballet and cheerleading and others place their girls in soccer and little league baseball. Not all girls have to be mean, you're friend probably doesn't see herself as a mean woman and her little girl doesn't have to be either. She doesn't have to treat her little girl like a princess if she does not want to. She can dress her up in jeans and t-shirts and teach her to play and love sports and buy her gender neutral toys--there are lots of them out there. She needs to stop thinking of the baby as a girl but rather a little human being with a unique soul different than any other human being (girl or boy); a little human being that is a part of her and her husband.

 

sleeplessinseattle - July 7

Maybe God is giving her a girl to help heal and free her from her past. Maybe He is showing her that she can have a female (her daughter) love her unconditionally and hopefully that will help heal her relationships with women. How can she love herself (a woman) if she hates women so much that she would even consider aborting her girl child. Has she ever considered counseling? I hope and pray everything works out for her.

 

NURSEJ - July 12

i don't think she is ready for a child period if just having a girl makes her want to abort her child or put it up for adoption. how can u abort a 20 week plus fetus anyway. she should grow up and accept the goft that god gave to her. she can always try again.

 

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