Gender Question Please Don T Judge

20 Replies
bubbasmom - February 18

Hi ladies. I have a two year old son and just found out I'm having another boy. Please know that I'm blessed that the baby is healthy and can't wait to go through all of my son's old baby's clothes. I'm also excited my son will have a brother close in age. They will also be sharing a room for a few years, so the same gender was a good thing. But, I really though this baby was a girl. When I dreamt, the baby was a girl. My mom kept saying it was a girl. So, now I have to reconcile that the baby is a boy in my head. Also, as this is our last child, a part of me feels sad that I will never have that mother-daughter bond (I'm very closed with my own mother). I know I can have a mother-son bond but I'm still a bit sad. Please know I will love my baby no matter what. I feel a bit guilty about how I feel which is why I'm posting this and not discussing it with friends. I am not looking for judgement but rather other moms who understand and have possibly felt the same way. Constructive comments would be helpful.


LN030905 - February 18

Bubbasmom..I knwo this post is geared towards moms and I am waiting to get pregnant with my first child, so I am kinda just sticking my nose I really think that what you are feeling is probably normal since this is your last child. I think once you see your son for the first time and hold him in your arms, you are going to be soo happy that you wont even think about it! Are you guys totally against trying for a third? Whatever happens is for a reason and will work out! :) Congrats on your son! Have you thought of any names yet?


bellybubble - February 18

Hey bubbasmom - I am only pregnant with my first child but I can understand what you are saying. I know all babies are precious and we are blessed no matter what s_x, but sometimes you do get to daydreaming of having one of each. I dont think you need to feel guilty at all - I guess you kind of had a baby girl in your head, but now you have time to get used to having another little boy - and how great that your 2 boys can run a muck together! haha! Dont let anyone make you feel guilty!! Good luck with your boys!!!! :)


Heather - February 18

Hi bubbasmom, I am in the same boat. I currently have a 2 year old boy and at my last u/s the tech said if she had to guess then she would say boy but we will find out for sure in another few weeks. My mom is my best friend and I really want someone to go get pedicures with and go shopping. I love my son and wouldn't trade for anything in the world and feel the same way about this baby. I know I am very fortunate and blessed that I already have one healthy boy and on my way to having another healthy boy. I too feel guilty for my feelings but know they will pa__s. I am planning (going to see how 2 works out first) on having 3 children so I know there is still that chance for a girl. I think the idea of having 2 momma's boys is just great and know life will be so much fun.


heatherjene - February 19

Honey - I think what you are feeling is completely normal, I mean it is human to a__sume and hope for things. That in no way makes you a bad person, I know alot of women who tried 3 or 4 times in hopes for a girl and ended up with 3 or 4 sons instead, but you know what - they wouldn't have it any other way now. Don't feel guilty, you are soooo normal - this is one thing that for sure is out of our hand's. =0)


Cat24 - February 19

bubbasmom try not to feel too disheartened by it. its all gods plan that we get what we are given. i understand that ideally most women would think one of each would be perfect but it doesn't always work out that way. i have quite a few friends who have just one brother or just one sister ( i.e. one of each s_x) and they are not close whatsoever, because the boy did his things and the girl just does hers, they don't seem to have that close bond of brother and sister. so although it might seem ideal to the parents, sometimes the children end up not being too close because they just aren't into the same things. my partner is one of 2 boys and he loves it. what you don't have you don't miss so he doesnt feel like he would have liked a sister. him and his brother are going to be each other's best man at their weddings next year and you could never tear them apart, they refer to each other as not just siblings, but each other's best friends. i suppose what im saying is that i believe things work out the way they are meant to and what might seem 'ideal' could just be something in your head. congrats on your healthy boy, im sure your 2 year old is willing him to be here already!


bubbasmom - February 19

Thanks for all the (positive) replies. After a good nights sleep, I am feeling better. I just need to change my thinking now! I do realize that my son is lucky to have a brother and I started going through some of his old clothes, which was quite a wonderful trip down memory lane! It's just hard knowing I will never experience what raising a girl is like. To LN030905-due to financial reasons, this will be our last child. We really can't afford daycare and I can't work full time until "the boys" are in school. Again, thanks for all the replies. It feels better to just write it all down. And actually, I have a friend who has a two year old girl, and found out she was having a boy, and was a bit sad her daughter wouldn't have a sister! I guess there is no ideal family.


mama keya - February 19

Good job Cat.


sarah21 - February 19

I felt the same way but the opposite. I am pregnant with my first, but I was totally sure it was a boy. Everyone said it would be a boy, I had dreams about a boy, and I really really wanted a girl. But then come ultrasound day I found out it was a girl. I was sad even though I got what I wanted because I had bonded with the idea of a boy for 22 weeks. Just give it time and you will feel the regular excitement about a boy. It took a couple weeks for me to adjust to the news.


Rachel29 - February 19

I understand completely. I really kind of had my heart set on a girl, and it was kind of difficult when I found out I was having a boy instead. I just really had to adjust since I really wanted a girl for my first child. I've actually talked to a lot of Moms who felt the same way at first, but that completely fell in love when they held their child for the first time, so I'm sure that it will be the same. You will love the child no matter what.


bubbasmom - February 19

Hi everyone. Again, thanks for the kind words (I was a bit worried I might get attacked for having a gender preference). What Sarah said about bonding to the idea of a gender was true. But, I'm getting used to the idea of having another little boy. I just wish boys clothes were a bit cuter. I'm excited for my son to have a brother. I really wanted to see what a girl would have looked like, though!


cors1wfe - February 19

I felt exactly the same way with my last one - you see we didn't find out what we were having until I was 32 weeks!! Can you imagine waiting that long? Well it never occured to us to do a 3D - this was 5 years ago now - so since we already had one boy we were convinced we were having a little girl - I was smart enough not to buy anything however in my head I WAS HAVING A LITTLE GIRL and in my dh's head also - so we when had our ultrasound and they said it's a boy - I almost cried and once we got in the car my dh did CRY!!! We were both so upset over it - because we had fallen in love with the idea of a little girl well I woke up feeling better but my dh was still in a funk - so we just talked about how yes we were sad it was another boy but a healthy boy - and after a week or 2 it got better and we got excited all over again about a little boy - YOU know the best part - I am pregnant now with (unplanned) baby number 3 and it is a girl this time and that has brought joy and taken over the stress of having an unplanned pregnancy - because ladies I have to say married or not - an unplanned pregnancy can really be stressful! So good luck to you all and it is always a pleasure sharing with you in this forum! Here's to happy healthy babies of any s_x!


bubbasmom - February 19

Cors1Wfe-thank you for sharing. That is exactly how I felt. I really thought the baby was girl because the pregnancy was so different (don't believe thats wives tale) and everyone around me said it was a girl. So I really had this picture of a boy and a girl but now that picture is a bit different. It will just take a few days to adjust to I suppose. By the ways, congrats on your girl.


cors1wfe - February 19

You are welcome bubbas mom - my two boys are thick as thieves and they play so great together- they call each other brudder and not by their names - plus we save tons of money since Aidan can use Tristan's clothes most of the time since he wears them so briefly.


preggosauce - February 20

I also think its totally normal. I think EVERYONE hopes for a certain s_x or thinks more about the baby being one s_x than the other. I can't imagine any mother not daydreaming about if the baby is a girl or a boy. So, because of this women get attached to the idea of having a certain s_x, and dissapointed if it turns out to be the opposite. I just ran into a friend who told me when she found out she was having another boy (her 2nd) she bawled for hours. She was soooo disappointed. Of course, now that the little guy is 5 months old she wouldn't change a thing. So, no worries. I'm secretly hoping for another girl....but my hubby REALLY wants a boy since this is our 2nd and last child. So, I could say I'd be happy either way, and I will be...but slightly dissapointed if my little girl won't grow up with a sister (this is our last child). I was close with my sis, so I really want the same for her...Plus, I'm TERRIFIED to have a boy, as my hubby was/is extremely high strung. My baby girl has already had st_tches TWICE and she's only 17 months old!! I can't imagine what a boy would be like!!! Sooo I'm right there with you....I can only imagine another girl, so it will take some getting used to if I'm going to have a boy....Sorry this is so long...i tend to ramble when its late!! :)


yumymumy - February 20

i understand but am i the only weird alone one here????? i have a son already im in my 2nd pregnancy and i cant imagine any other child than my son and my first response is i want another boy i want him to look, act, sound and be exacly like my son. the thought of a girl makes me feel strange. im also having trouble coming to terms with sharing my love with this 2nd child [even though i know once its born i will feel the same towards he/she] BUT i cant help but feel like this baby, the baby iv wanted for over a year, will turn everything upside down, its nothing personal towards the baby, im just really worried my 1st son will feel alone, jelous about the whole thing. i know how to make him feel included i am fully aware of how to deal with it all but WHY do i feel this way? why do i feel like this baby has to be exacly the same as my 1st baby! i know i did not have a instant bond with my 1st son. i had to ge tto know him evwen tho i knew i loved him. i know this will happen again with this baby and it scares me to stay in a hospital with a new baby when my 1st baby is at home away from me. am i depressed? dont think i dont love this pregnancy i was on fertility to fall pregnant this time around and i longed for this baby i just dont understand why im so emotional. so im not like you all the thought of a differant child in looks and gender scares me why????:"(


yumymumy - February 20

i think mood swings and emotional highs and lo's are kicking in for me yay lol



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