Help How To Tell Him Children That We Are Having A Baby

6 Replies
kazforrest - October 18

As the pregnancy as developed we have started to think about the impact of this baby on my other halfs children from his first marriage. His ex-wife is always holding them as leverage and if he told them about us she would put everything into soul custody or take them to live with her sister in canada, we are in London. So we have put up with it in the short term till we had a plan. On top of that his son is very dependant on him and will find it hard anyway. Our baby was not planned and we would have liked to have dealt with this first but life had a different plan.. Had anyone been here, any advised.


pomny143 - October 18

Hi kazforrest, That is so sad when women hold their children over their ex's head. I do know how you feel to some extent. My fiance has twins one boy, one girl 8yrs old. I too have an 8yr old son. Her and I get along great, which is very strange to say the least. With that said, I thought that it would be very easy to tell her and his kids that I am pregnant. Well, that has not been the case. I am already 15 weeks and he has still not told her. I almost feel like I am the other woman or something! Again we are friends, close friends and know I feel that I am keeping a secret from her. Is that not sick or what? My only concern, like yours is for the children involved. What are we to do? I feel horrible that you must be kept as the secret. That was the same with her and I for 5years. We meet for the first time this past year. Doesn't it feel like you don't belong? It is crazy how women can behave. I hope that everything works out for you and your guy. I will keep you in my heart. Also, you never know what will happen in life. You might be surprised by her reaction, so dont always suspect the worse. Keep your head held high, and good luck!


kazforrest - October 19

thanks for your response. feel bad as now we have done more damage as they dont know about us and now they are going to get a double whammy and probably resent us both.We cant keep this from them. I hope you are right about her but I have my doubts.So worried as if they kids are unhappy it will effect him so much he has work so hard at being a good father. I will try and be postive but at the moment a black cloud over what should be something good for us.


Astra - October 19

How old are his children? are you planning on introducing you and the the pregnancy at the same time? It does sound like the ex still has a lot of issues and she''s really the one that needs to work through it. I don't blame you at all for being nervous and stressed about this disclosure. Is there a mutual friend or someone close to both your SO and his ex that can help mediate that kind of meeting. Would either one be open to meeting with a counselor to talk about how to share the news with the children and how to best integrate the baby into their lives. I think as long as the focus remains on the children and intending to make this as painless as possible for them, helping them feel secure that their father will always be their father and also that the new baby will be their sibling and they are gaining a relationship, perhaps the ex can get past herself. Best of luck, take all the time you need and use all the resources that are available to you, it sounds like a real tough one!


kazforrest - October 20

Astra 10 and 12 but the boy who is ten is very close to his Dad. we are also think the baby is a boy and he will be even more threatened by that.He is going to see a child psychologist to talk thro approaches. At the moment he will tell them first and introduce me later. thanks for your comments


Astra - October 20

Good luck. Let us know how things are working out.


Stephanie_31 - October 23

If you already have a legal custody agreement than there is no way she could take the kids. She can't just decide that she wants sole custody, that is for a judge to decide. No judge in his/her right mind would allow her to move. Canada has a law that will send her back to her place of residence if there is an outstanding custody agreement in another country that she is not abiding by. I live in Canada and my husband is America. If he didn't take his daughter back to her mothers house in the USA than he would be arrested in Canada and deported and his daughter returned to her mother. Her mother does not have sole custody, only joint. Even if she did try and take the kids she is not abiding by the current order and that is illegal. If she wanted to move out of the county or did try to get soul custody (which is extremely difficult, even amidst the worst cases of abuse) she would have to have the current custody agreement amended at which time you could fight the amendment. If you do not currently have a custody agreement you should probably look into it. BTW you cannot become a resident of Canada without a legal custody agreement from the country of citizen ship. To move the kids to Canada, enroll them in school and provide them with health care they have to be Canadian residents. My husband and I have gone through all of this in the last year and you can't just move to Canada without ma__sive amouts of legal doc_mentation, not only for her but for the kids too.



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