Help I Need Your Advice

8 Replies
rjrmi - February 15

I need your opinion on what to do in this situation! There were 4 of us girls that were friends in college (and still are!) and 2 years ago 3 of us got married and we were all in each others weddings. The 4th girl just got engaged this weekend and they are thinking about just getting it over with and doing it this summer (on 7/7/07.) The problem is we live on the east side of Michigan and she has always wanted her wedding to be on Lake Michigan which is on the west side of Michigan and 4 and a half hours from where we live. I am due on 7/26/07 and I am 1) scared to be 4 and a half hours away from my doctor 2 and a half weeks before I'm due, and 2) horrified at the thought of what I'll look like in the pictures (vain, I know but I can't stop thinking about my wide butt waddling down the isle in a tentlike bridesmaids dress. Or what if my waterbreaks and the whole church can see?!) ALSO another one of the girls that would be a bridesmaid is due 6/25/07. She potentially might not be able to make it either. My question is......THIS WEDDING IS NOT ABOUT ME, I KNOW THAT, but should I express my concerns before she starts making plans? What if she just didn't think about it that way?......Or do I just bite my tongue and tell her I can't go if she tells me it's going to be on the west side? Am I just being hormonal or is this a real concern?!!


Tracy88 - February 15

I think your concerns are valid. Truthfully, what I would do before discussing it with her, is discuss it with your doctor. Why? Because I think if the doc says he/she wants you close to home at that point, you can honestly tell your friend that your doctor advised you not to go. In any other case, I would say that your friend should come first regardless of how you feel or look walking down that aisle, but in tis case, since you will be so close to due date, I think it's better that you opt out of the wedding. It's not your fault. Like, my sister has been talking about her 40th birthday celebration for two years now, and she has finally decided to have it in July in Canada (I live in Florida) and I will have a 2 month old baby at the time of her celebration. I already told my mom, I'm sorry but I can't travel that far with a two month old. My sister knows my due date and still decided to plan the trip then, so it's not my fault that the timing is bad. The same goes for you. Worry about you and try not to feel guilty. NOW, IF you talk to your doctor and the doc says you should go, then forget about being vain, and be there for your friend. I would have the same issues, but I would still suck it up for someone that I love and pray the camera catches me in some good light and at flattering angles!!!! Good luck. Let me know what you decide to do. I would talk to your doctor first.


rjrmi - February 15

Thanks Tracy. I know I shouldn't feel so vain because it's not about me, it's her day, and I will suck it up and go for her if I can. I will ask my doctor, I am just worried about being caught so far away from my house if I go into labor. Thanks for the advice, I see my doctor on March 1 and I'll ask them then.


Kime - February 15

I think your concers are valid too!!! I mean ANYTHING can happen you know. What if the baby decides to come early or you start to have contractions, you would have to go to a hospital that knows nothing about you or your pregnancy. Have you told your Dr. Yet? I mean i don't want to speak things into existence but what of your on bed rest by that time? Tha's just all the things i would think about before going. I hope all goes well with you and don't stress yourself out hun if your not able to go, follow your body and listen to what it's saying b/c ultimately your baby is what's important....


TamaraAngel - February 15

I absolutely agree - it doesn't sound wise to travel that far two weeks before your due date. Just regretfully decline being in the wedding, she should understand. Maybe you can plan something special with her in honor of her wedding... like a nice lunch or help her with wedding plans, etc.


Val - February 15

I agree with the other comments, and would definitely check with your doctor to see what he/she advises. You might even call them ahead of your appointment if you want to make a decision sooner. And go with your gut feeling. If you don't feel comfortable traveling that far 2 weeks before your due date, definitely don't do it. Tamara's suggestion about helping your friend with planning, or being involved some other way is good. I have a somewhat similar situation where my SIL (who I'm very close to) is pg and due 3 months after me. She is throwing me a baby shower, but I probably won't be able to do one for her (or even attend hers) since I'll have a newborn. We've already talked about it and she is very understanding. If the situation was reversed (or if for some reason she can't attend my shower) I would understand. Good luck!


rjrmi - February 15

Thanks guys, what do you think about the girl who's due at the end of June? How soon can you travel after giving birth? If she were to deliver right on her due date she would only have a week of recovery. How long does it take before you feel up to going out?


Tracy88 - February 15

I think your other friend is fooling herself if she thinks she will be up to going to the wedding. Does she also live four and half hours away from the potential location? If your friend has a natural childbirth (no C section) she may feel up to going, but not like dragging a newborn across the state. She will also be tired and probably nursing, so I just don't see the trip as being easy for her to swing, ya know? If it were me and I had to go to a wedding a week later, I would not go.


rjrmi - February 17

I couldn't help myself! I sent her an email. I told her I knew that the wedding was her day and not mine but that I wouldn't be able to go if it was that time and location. I was so worried she would be mad and think I was rude but she totally understood what I was saying. She said that she was now thinking about having 2 receptions, one on this side of the state, and one on the other. As for 7/7/07 luckily it is a very popular date this year and it is kind of last minute when it comes to booking a hall-they might not be able to get the date after all. As for the other girl (the one that's due the week before 7/7/07) she does live on this side of the state and I know that my friend (the bride) had dinner with her last night.....maybe they talked about it!



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