Insecure Of My Partner Need Advice

10 Replies
angie - December 2

Question: i'm at the ending of my second trimester and i feel very insecure about my partner. I've never been like this with him and i feel that now that he knows i'm pregnant and that I won't leave him now, he will do things to hurt me like cheat on me. i've been very insecure lately and even though we talk and he assures me that he won't do anything to harm me in any way, I still feel doubt. I've also felt left out when he asks me if he can to grab a drink with his male friends after work of course I always say no and he doesn't but i feel like in a way i'm being unfair to him by not letting him get some time alone with his friends. i've been too jeolous lately and he has noticed. I hope that by me doubting him, I don't push him to go do what's wrong. I'm so confused right now. I don't know if these feelings are caused by the pregnancy or if my inner gutt is trying to tell me something. I hope you can respond to me in the best way or give me advice the same way you would give a sister or even better yourself. what shoul I do?

 

Lacy - December 2

Hi Angie! I think the reason you feel like this, is because being a pregnant woman, you want to know that you have someone to count on. It's probably common to feel insecure, because your hormones change, your body changes, and you really need support right now. I kinda feel the same way sometimes. Its like we just want to make sure you are going to be there, because this is probably the most important time of our lives! I would say, have a long talk with your man, and tell him the truth about your feelings, and ask him to try and understand that you are more vulnerable now than ever. Personally, I would not feel too comfortable with my hubby going out without me...and he wouldnt want me going without him...not to a bar anyway. Its just not the way our relationship works. But if you used to let him go, then I would say try to let him go now...because this baby is a big change for him too, and he probably needs a little stability too. Just tell him how important to you it is that he maybe call and check up on you, and try to make it home a little earlier...anyway, Im on here all the time, so if you need to talk, im sure ill be around. Good luck!

 

Hillary - December 3

It is very, very normal for you to be feeling this way. I, unfortunately, have had the same emotions. However, it is usually just your hormones talking and making you say/do/feel crazy things. You are a pregnant woman--extremely vulnerable and wanting to make sure your partner will be there for you when your child comes (well, hell, also so he can run out at night to help you satiate those weird food cravings you're probably having). There is nothing wrong with you for feeling this way, but you most certainly should talk with him about it. He needs to understand just why you are acting differently (don't forget that this pregnancy is a big step for him too). Oh and if you don't feel comfortable with him going out to a bar, why don't you just suggest that he and his buds bring some beer and crash at your place after work. The man is a male and needs male company, just as you are a woman and need female help sometimes too (like right now!). So let the guy have a little male bonding time; I promise, it'll make your relationship a lot smoother if he's less stressed and happy.

 

teigan - December 3

hi i just wanted tosay to both the ladies who answered this, that your advice is lovely, not one bit of nasty comment in there, which is rare on this sight, if i need advice i'll be looking for you two xxxx

 

Monique - December 3

Oh my God Angie!!! I have felt the EXACT same way this week. Hope we get some good advice!!

 

ry - December 3

i am glad you posted this. i am so upset right now, i feel like since i became pregnant my husband has completely abandoned me. he has never been so cold or uncaring to me in our whole relationship. he is miserable a lot, then will have a "nice" day then be an @$$hole again. then when hes being a jerk he has the nerve to say "you only point on when i am supposably being a jerk, never when i am there for you" oh sorry, u mean like the once a week u are actually nice. i am sorry to go on like this, i just feel so lonely right now. my two best friends have been nothing but b___hes to me since i got pregnant and i feel like this baby is ruining my life sometimes. and i feel so so so d__n guilty for saying that but its true.

 

angie - December 4

You know it's funny that you mention that because i feel the same way like if this baby is only messing things up for me. I know I should not talk that way but the way my partner makes me feel sometimes i feel like sh!t. I at times remenise on how our relationship was before I got pregnant and it was so much better. I mean why do this sh!t now, when i need him the most. Before he was the overpossesive one and the one who didn't want me going anywhere and now because i'm stuck at home and i can't go out with my friends or even consider the possibility to move on, Now he want's to do this sh!t. I let him know that i'm only pregnant for nine months and then i'm back to myself again, let's see who's the one how is going to be jeolous then or whos the one that's going to be calling the shots.

 

Lynne - December 5

It is perfectly normal. I felt the same way about my husband. The poor man, I swear I thought he was talking to other women for a while as well. He wasn't my hormones had me acting like that. I explained how insecure I was to my husband because of my added weight and the fact that I was so tired and didn't feel "attractive". He understood and we dealt with it. I think you are perfectly normal.

 

concerned prego - December 5

Hi Angie~i know how you feel as i'm divorced and i was the most understanding wife in the world and i trusted my husband w/all my heart and then we ended up divorced. i've been w/my bf now for a little over two years (i'm in my 14th week of pregnancy) and now i'm finding myself telling my bf he can't go do things w/o me (he does anyway though) and i get so upset that i throw up when this happens. i never used to be this way! i honestly think it is because we are pregnant and we can't go do those things anymore (my opinion is that they shouldn't go do those things either b/c they are pregnant too!) and that is why we feel this way. but keep your chin up and pray for strength-that is what i'm doing. any man who will cheat on his pregnant g/f or wife is not worth being with! be strong :)

 

angie - December 7

Thanks to all you guys who took the time to respond to me and to share your own experiences.I wish i could say things are better but they're not. Only time will tell what will be of my life with my baby, all I know is that i've learned to love this baby more than my own life and regardless of whether me and his father stay together or not i will be there for my baby regardless.One of the biggest lessons that i've learned is that women are pregnant alone, we go through the pain, the sickness,the strch marks, the swelling, the life changing moments, the first movements and we give birth. Don't get me wrong i'm not saying men aren't there i'm just saying that we are the ones who have to go through the hardest part, is it too much to ask for just a little comprehention?

 

understanding - December 8

I know exactly what you all mean, I've felt the same way at times. 75% of the time I'm extremely excited about having another baby, but the other 25% I wish that I weren't pregnant. it's such a big life change that I think it's perfectly normal to feel a little "bitter". then you turn around and end up feeling extremely guilty for the bitter feelings. talk about a roller coaster. it's hard to consider your partners feelings when "you" are the one pregnant, but I think we unknowingly demand "more" from them because we are at a vulnarable place in our lives right now.

 

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