Jelous

21 Replies
Ashley Marie - December 19

Well, I am 4months3days pregnant. I am jelous I guess because my brothers gf told me she is pregnant. She is about 5 weeks. I think she only got pregnant because I am. Atleast this is how I feel. My baby will be my parents first grandchild and I guess I'm just jelous that everything will be taken from me ( my parents and family were so excited to hear that I am preg) Now I just feel like I'm second in line. I dont really know how to explain it. Am I being selfish? She found out a few days ago that she is preg. Now Today, something horrible happen. I took her to the ER becuase she was bleeding and had a blood clot. They couldnt find anything in the ultrasounds they did and her HCG levels are very low. The dr. told her it could be 1 of 3 things, a miscarriage, tubal preg. or she isnt far along enough. But the dr. also said that her HCG levels are in the 200's and should be in the 1500's if she was 5 weeks along like she thought. He said odds are she is miscarrying. It seemed like she didnt want to listen to him when he told her all of this. It a good thing I was with her to ask questions because she didnt. They want her to go back and have a blood test done in 2 days to see the HCG level to see if it has lowered or highered. When we got home she said she had to put a pad on because she was bleeding like she had started her period. least to say, I feel horrible. I know none of this is my fault but I just feel bad because I felt like I was being selfish because I was first to get pregnant and i felt she wanted what i had. By the way, she is 18.

 

mama-beans - December 19

Well........... I'm a sister that is 8 weeks pregnant behind my oldest sister. It is a second pregnancy for us both. Our first are 8 months apart, and our seconds will be 8 weeks apart. I have to tell you, this ruined our friendship. She is convinced ( as you are) that I only got pregnant because she was, like it was some kind of compet_tion. ( all of this despite some hefty infertility issues on my side and this being a miraculious spontaneous conception.. we weren't trying at all). Hopefully your SIL is not miscarrying, and if she is, you didn't cause it .. but please keep in mind that people get pregnant for many reasons, the least of which is for compet_tion. That is so insulting. But you have nothing to feel guilty about if she is losing it.

 

Ashley Marie - December 19

Well, The reason I think that is because when I told her I was pregnant she was like "ooh well I wanna get pregnant too" (im not the only person in the family to think this either. but im the one who feels bad for thinking it. ) I hope she is NOT miscarrying at all, i would wish that on anyone. But It seems like SHE is the one who wants it to be a compet_tion! If she acted different to me about it then I would be happy to be pregnant together but her att_tude is all wrong about it. And I did not mean to insult anyone either!

 

Ashley Marie - December 19

i mean to say I WOULDNT wish that on anyone, sorry im not a good typer!

 

Rose - December 20

Hi Ashley Marie Dont ever feel bad because of what might happen. And there is a saying that goes pregnancy is contagious.

 

Leanne - December 20

I understand totally what you are going through. After i had my 2nd child my SIL announced only 1 month after his birth she was expecting. It's always a compet_tion with her. I am now 6 mos pregnant again, and i expect her to announce her pregnancy any time. She's always been the one who has to have one up on a person. Like when i got my vehicle, it had to be a better bigger newer model than mine. So anyway, don't feel bad, your feelings didn't cause the m/c (if she's having one) I know you probably feel guilty but like i said, it wasn't anything you did.

 

ry - December 20

i definatley agree and i know how you are feeling. this is my first baby and several others have gotten pregnant a month and two after me and it does kind of take a bit of well deserved attention away from you :) but what can you do? I am sorry to hear about your brothers baby, that does not sound good at all, and of course it is not your fault. Just because you were a little resentful which i feel is natural, doesnt mean you in any way "willed" her to lose the baby. Just be as supportive as you can now. Good luck!

 

Drew - December 20

This is happening with me too! SIL has an almost 2 year old which she barely takes care of herself. When I was about 9wks she said she was waiting for her monthly friend, and what would she do if she was pg?!?! (insert eye roll here!) turns out she wasn't. So if the thought of having another one was so bad, you'd think she'd up her birth control efforts right? NOPE!! As we speak she is "waiting for her monthly friend" which would be so "totally accidental" ya right!! She's the only girl out of four kids, the baby of the family and used to being in the spotlight. Everytime there is a family get together and someone ask's me how I'm feeling she rolls her eyes and has to tell us the newest thing her little girl is doing. I would never wish a m/c on her for sure!! Don't feel bad for whats going on, you had nothing to do about it!!

 

Preggo - December 20

Ashley ... I now exactly how you feel. I'm 30 and this is my first pregnancy. Well, I've had 2 previous losses,but my whole family ,including myself, just thought I couldn't get pregnant. Well now I'm 26 wks and my cousin is 3 1/2 months and my sister is 8/10 weeks. I guess you just have to know your individual family. I'm not that close with them and they've always been resentful and jealous of me. Not to sound haughty its just the truth. Everyone in my family thinks they're only pregnant because I can finally conceive. But ya know what ... I'm the only one that doesn't care.. I'm on such a high that I'm finally starting my own family in life that I don't care what everyone around me is doing. It doesn't matter how many people around you are all of a sudden pregnant. No one can take this from you. Just focus on yourself and your new life .Try to look at it like that. It's liberating!!

 

mel - December 20

my sister and I are due within 4 days of each other. we found out on the same morning that we were pregnant and called our mom withing 5 minutes of each other. neither of us knew the other was trying to get pregnant. I think it's pretty neat. :-)

 

Preggo - December 20

It's nice that you have that kind of relationship with your sister mel.I envy that ... I on the otherhand have a different situation. Everytime my sister and I argued she's always found a what to throw up in my face that I can't be a mother because I was close to her son which is 13 now and living with our mother who raises him. Different people , different strokes for different folks. Now she's pregnant after 13 years and was never a mother to her first son . By the way she just got out of prison so go figure. My 53 year old mother will probably end up raising this child too. Family situations are hard to understand because all we can do is relate it to our own personal experience and everyone's is different.

 

mel - December 20

there definately is something to having your first baby. they become "your family" and all the other people don't matter as much. regardless of whether you're on good terms with them or bad. that little person takes presidence over everything else!!! :-)

 

JennyC - December 20

Wow, this is such an interesting chain and I am grateful for all your inputs. Over the summer, I announced that I was pregnant. A month later, my SIL annouced she was pregnant and only 8 days behind me! My first reaction was absolute jealousy. They already have 3 kids and this is my first. I just wanted to have the fun and the grandparents to myself. I think that feeling of jealousy must be very normal. I definitely got over it quickly and was excited that they would be so close in age. Then, last month they lost their baby. I felt sooooo awful. Guilty and sad. But they were so wonderful that they called me and kept me in the loop with what was going on and showed interest in my pregnancy still. I have been very grateful for their strength. Ashley Marie, I think its great that you were the one to take your SIL to the hospital and be involved with her while she's having these problems. She probably really appreciates you and the fact that you are pregnant means you might understand some of how she is feeling. Plus, its hard enough to deal with these emotions and being so young must make it much harder. I wish you both the best and maybe you can be a good role model and help her through this. Good luck.

 

Ashley Marie - December 20

Thanks everyone for your stories, input and opinions. Good or Bad. I just want to say that i feel horrible for even thinking those thoughts, but its the truth. Why should she even be planning to have a family when she is only 18? She doesnt work, SHE and MY BROTHER live with ME. Under my roof. Which I only ask him to buy some occasional groceries. I have done so much for them and I just feel like my "time" was taken away from me. I am jelous, well I was. I feel bad for being Jelous too. But, I am the one who knows her and how she is. I know its not my fault that she did miscarry, but I just feel so bad. I am not one to believe that everything happens for a reason, but maybe it just wasnt time for her to have a baby. She is young and is finishing high school. She should wait until she is finished and can support herself first. I am only 21 but I have graduate both high school and college. I have my own home, a wonderful job and I wanted to starty a family. I have never told her any of this because i didnt want to hurt her feelings or start any trouble between us. I am going to be there for her and help her through this rough time. thanks to everyone for listening to my jelousy! Sorry if I offended anyone, but this post wasnt meant for that!

 

speechless - December 21

oh thank goodness i read this post. i feel so much better to know im not the only one who feels jealous :-) a friend of mine told me to wait to get pg, my daughter is 6 so i wanted to get pg soon. she said well we are going to wait another year and a half, her son just turned 2 last week. well i told her i was pg, her first sentence was : are you going to keep it?" i was so mad about that but anyways she told me like 2 days later that her another friend is pg and is due around the same time is me, which is cool cause i dont even know her but my friend told me at that time that her and her dh are now trying... now she slike 4 weeks pg and already talking about new cribs and stuff but yet every week i have to hear how broke they are.. WHEW sry to vent but had to get that off my chest.....oh and btw im 26 weeks along

 

Rachel.R - December 21

Ashley... oh.. dont feel bad.. i know how it feels, not from experience, but when you have something... it really p__ses you off when someone else goes out to get the same thing just because you have it.. Honestly... what happened with her isnt your fault, and you shouldnt feel bad for thinking it.. if the roles were reversed.. im sure she would have thought the same thing. By the way, gorgeous name... Ashley is what we have picked out for our little girl that is due in 4 weeks :-)

 

Melita - December 22

I can almost bet I wouldn't have understood the jealously thing before I got preggy - but now I can see what you mean. It wouldn't be very nice. Kinda like sharing your wedding day with another bride walking with you. My sister in law and her hub are in in Ireland for Christmas and if I recall correctly, she was hoping to fall pregnant while they're away. I kinda hope she doesn't...

 

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