Scared To Go Through Labour Again

27 Replies
San_dee - July 4

I remember giving birth to my son like it was yesterday, i have been having dreams remembering the occurance. I always thought i had a high pain thresh-hold until i gave birth and now im not so sure. i know that you get something great at the end of it and thats what im trying to focuss on but it still scares the shit out of me!!! Anybody with this fear aswell?? For those who have had more that one birth does it really get easier the second time round???

 

HannahBaby - July 4

im pretty scared too as i was induced at 37 weeks for preeclampsia and i have already made it clear that i DO NOT want pitocin again. If it comes to that i want a C-section. I have heard that birth the 2nd time is easier

 

whitewolfe - July 4

Hey San-dee... when i went through my first labor i was so so scared... and knowing what was going to happen and how much it was going to hurt was in some strange way rea__suring for me.. I know what to expect.. My scond labor was so fantastic.. it was hard and fast (I was induced) but I wanted to make it alittle different for my hubby as well so we had dh aactually "catch" the baby... was really good.. You know that you arent going to get through it without some pain.. and you know what sort of pain it is.. so its familar to you.. just relax and go with your bodies natural flow... it knows what to do now and it does make it easier for you... not a lot but its not as daunting as the first one...

 

San_dee - July 4

i suppose it is a little comforting knowing whats going to happen, i can be better prepared, i started labour naturally 5 days over due, labour was 22 hours long. My friend was induced at 2 weeks over, had a baby in 2 hours, i spent 2 hours just pushing. Hannahbaby you will have to let me know if it was easier, as i see you are due earlier than me :)

 

babybird - July 4

I was in labor for 18 hours with my first son and none of my epidurals worked. They also gave me a spinal that didn't work. You talk about pain!! I only pushed for 40 minutes but God was it terrible. With my second son I was in labor for 7 hours from the time of my first contraction to the time he was born. The contractions were more painful but the meds worked this time so I didn't feel anything. I didn't even know it was time to push until the nurse checked me and said the baby's head was half way out. I had to push one time with him. It was MUCH easier the second time around. I hope you find the same to be true!

 

San_dee - July 4

im going to ask my dr what the deal with epidurals are, because when i was in labour an epidural seemed to be not an option, so ended up doing it all natural

 

lauralove1987 - July 7

Believe it or not, labor doesn't have to be painful. It's simply your mental and emotional reaction to the contractions. I understand that what you ladies felt was very real, terrible pain and I'm not trying to discount that. I just want you to know that if you let go of your fear and your belief that it has to be painful then it probably won't be so bad the next time around. Easier said than done, but it is possible...

 

flower.momma - July 7

I know what you mean. I was so excited to give birth the first time. I did it drug free and was in labor for 14 hours. I guess it was a pretty easy labor, considering the fact that my dd weighed 9 lbs. 8 oz. And I've heard that second babies are usually bigger. My midwife said that there was no way I would have been able to push her out effectively if I had been given an epidural. As it was, I broke blood vessels in my eyes, face, the inside of my nose, from the strain. I am dreading that, and so afraid that this baby will be bigger. I am 5'1" and 120lbs while not pregnant, so you can imagine my shock when I gave birth to such a huge gal. Oh, and lauralove1987, have you ever given birth to a child? Because if so, you are one of the lucky women who go through it with little pain. If not, cut the new age c___p, and wait until you give birth. It hurts, it is the worst pain in the world. And no amount of positive thinking, aromatherapy and saying OM is going to change that!

 

San_dee - July 8

Amen to that!! i was very excited for my first and never ever thought in my wildest dreams it would hurt that much!! i couldnt barely walk for 2 days, and my boy was only 6 lb 11 oz, ive heard its easier with a bigger baby supposidly they put more pressure on the cervix and make it quicker to dialate. As it was i hadnt even dropped when i went into labour so i spend the first 14hours at 3 cm, until they finally decided to break my waters and the baby finally started to move down. And by the way lauralove i didnt even have fear... not until the contractions got so painful that it paralized me,

 

Aviendha416 - July 8

I feel for you darlin. I'm scared to go through labor for the first time. That is how I can expect to spend my Christmas this year being due on 12/24. Fear of the unknown is part of what makes labor so scary for first timers. Pain is expected but all those deep down fears of "what if something goes wrong" or "will I be good parent", "Will I know what's best for the baby". All these things combined make for a very unpleasant experience I'm sure. Right now I'm cruising on the belief that pregnancy and labor is a natural process. My body will know how to handle it and my maternal instincts will guide me to know and do what is best for my baby. Hang in there girl. You'll be just fine.

 

flower.momma - July 8

Yeah, I wasn't scared either, maybe a bit anxious. I felt exhilarated going into it, but my god, right around 4 cm. dilated the pain just took the wind right out of me. I just kept thinking, holy s***, I never knew anything could hurt like this.

 

lauralove1987 - July 8

From a physiological standpoint, contractions are not supposed to be painful. If you don't believe me then look it up. If biologically they are not painful then why do so many women experience them as painful? Not even the supposed "ring of fire" is supposed to be painful...women who are relaxed and allowing their body to do the work on its own will not experience pain. This might be threatening to you, but if you really want to enjoy giving birth naturally then why simply write it off?

 

sonotec75 - July 8

San_dee...I completely understand the fear. Though I can't really remember the pain I had 6 years ago. The only thing I remember is that it started as back labor and moved to the front. I had my DS all natural and plan to do so with baby. I just hope and pray that this baby comes just as quick. DS was here within 4.5 hrs.

 

flower.momma - July 8

Again lauralove, HAVE YOU EVER GIVEN BIRTH TO A CHILD? I'm guessing no, since you don't seem to be speaking from personal experience. If so, you are one of those women who go through labor without feeling the pain, which is ABNORMAL!!! You are essentially saying to all of us, who have done this before, that our pain was all in our heads. RIDICULOUS! That is like saying "Oh, it shouldn't hurt to cut your hand off. Just look it up, I read this one book that said...." Just ask anyone who's had their hand cut off, and I'd bet they'd shove whatever reading material you gleaned that from down your throat! If you have not been through labor, you should not be doling out advice to all of us who know what it is all about. And if you don't think contactions are painful? Have you ever had painful menstrual cramps? Contractions are essentially that, times a million! Why would women choose to have pain? Yes, certain relaxation techniques ease it a bit, but not all the way. And,anyhow, I did give birth naturally, no drugs! You are speaking out of your posterior, so please stop. The idea of a pain free birth is not threatening to me, oh, just the opposite! I would love that, it is simply not possible, as you will find out one day.

 

San_dee - July 8

i agree!! and also i didnt choose to have a 'natural birth' (altho im glad that i did) where im from pain relief such as epidurals arent given out as freely like some other countries. the only people i know that have had one had c-sections. All honesty i actually thought the 'ring of fire' wasnt as bad as the contractions, but lauralove if you want to know what thats like, hook your fingers into the corner of your mouth and stretch your lips as much as you can, and hold, then stretch more until you feel your lips tearing, and then keep going again until you can fit a melon in there.... try and tell me that's not painful!!!

 

San_dee - July 8

and Venus, dont worry they are all normal concerns, but dont worry one you go into labour they will just float away, to be quite honest i almost even forgot that i was having a baby when i was in labour just because there was so much going on!!!! trust me the first incling of pain you will be exciting that its finally happening!!!

 

lauralove1987 - July 9

Interesting that you compare having your hand cut off to labor when they are nothing alike. Labor is a normal biological process...losing limbs is not. Labor does not rip you open...or, at least, it's not meant to, which has been my point. I understand that you and a lot of other women in mostly just the westernized world experience unbearable pain. I'm sorry that I made it sound like it's all in your head. I didn't mean to make it sound like you've made the pain up...I know it is very real and hurts like hell. All I'm trying to do is put the information out there about WHY you experience pain during childbirth. It is not an inherent characteristic of labor...if it was then why would so many women not experience pain??? They are not simply "lucky"...they have a whole different att_tude and awareness of their bodies. Women all over the world experience little pain or pain-free births, but in our society it's almost unheard of. It's interesting how it's predominantly in cultures that have not been westernized. I read all these stories about how scared women are of going into labor because of the horror stories they've read or their previous experiences...it hurts me to see so many people having to go through this and others perpetuating the cycle, like yourself. Maybe instead of telling people that labor hurts like hell you could at least say it's different for everyone, which is indeed the case. You asked why women would choose to have pain...they don't consciously choose to have it, of course. Like I said, this att_tude towards birth perpetuates itself in our society because so many women experience it as painful and then they pa__s that information onto others...thus, filling them with fear (some aren't even aware of it). Other possible scenarios is the fact that in our society our bodies are defamed or objectified. We are seen as objects, which wreaks havoc on our body image, level of comfort with our bodies, and our ability to be fully present in our bodies. Simply put, a lot of women in our society have issues with their bodies...there is no denying that. It seems logical that whatever level of discomfort a woman has will have some effect on her ability to allow birth to happen the way it should. Another possible reason is the fact that a lot of women in our culture don't feel like they deserve to have a pain-free or pleasurable birth. Self-esteem issues, in other words. There are so many possibilities, it's ridiculous. I can tell you definitely tell you this, though: if a woman learns how to feel comfortable and secure in her own skin, if she ignores other women's birth experiences and focuses on allowing herself to let go and allow her body to do what it needs to do, and keeps a positive att_tude then she will more than likely have a phenemonenal experience. As for me, I have not told you whether or not I have given birth before because I have seen it as irrelevant. If I told you yes then you would have seen my words as coming from personal experience and just written me off as being "lucky"...if I told you no then you wouldn't have given me the time of day. The bottom line is, it doesn't matter if you've had bad experiences with labor in the past...that can change. It also doesn't matter if you've never experienced it before...it is possible to educate oneself about the true nature of birth, study the way other cultures experience it, and develop one's own idea about how they would like to experience it.

 

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