This May Seem Childish

12 Replies
aurora23 - December 8

Ok, well I am 22 weeks preggo and I mostly have everything thing I need for the baby as far as crib and stuff like that. (mostly because my brother is only 8 months old and I'm getting his hand-me-downs, and I am 23 not that that really matters but it sounds weird to have a brother that young.) But yesterday my boyfriends mother informed me that she has a carseat for me and she just needs to wash the padding because a cat was sleeping in it. Now here's my problem I need to know how to tell her that I would rather not have a used carseat. Thats the one thing that I wanted to buy new was a carseat and stroller travel set, which my mother was buying. Now I only say this because of safety issues, I'd rather not use a carseat that I don't know how old it is or where it came from, plus everything else I have is used I'd like this one to be new. Like I said this may seem childish or selfish but please I don't know how to tell her. (sorry it's so long)


Cevvin - December 8

You shouldn't reuse carseats. They are built for one childs use. And the only way you can guarentee that the carseat hasn't been overused is to x-ray it. Thats what they told us in a car seat seminar for the police station. Just say that you have talked to a police officer with carseat training who told you it is not safe to re-use a car seat. Im sure they wont be to upset.


Chris1975 - December 8

Hey.,..its totally understandable and recommended by all baby books as the one thing you DONT get 2nd hand. One of the reasons (aside from not knowing if its had pressure damage from previous accidents, or even "close calls" where brakes caused jolting) I have been told is that carseats dont have a lifespan for a long time, and your safer getting a new one, as an older worn one may "crack under pressure". I had same problem with my mum in law with her 30year old cot (just a tad too old for my liking), and just told her i would not be willing to use older stuff, it would not be right for me as would make me feel paranoid, and if anything went wrong i could never forgive myself for not standing up and just saying no. Ive found im a lot more willing these days to stand up for myself when discussing safety issues to do with bubs with other ppl.... Its your baby, and its you that has to feel safe with your choices and where you place your baby, so dont worry about other peoples feelings...feelings dont come into it when its such a serious matter for you.


aurora23 - December 8

Thanks guys for your answers, I don't feel so bad now. Like you said I'll never know where that carseat has been and I don't want to risk my baby's life one bit. I'll just have to talk to her about it, hopefully she'll understand.


gabby509 - December 8

Aurora, I am in the same exact boat as you. My little brother is 1 and I'm 24 (My dad's third marriage, and his new wife is 3 years older than me), so I also got all their hand me downs. Which I totally appreciate, but I still want some new things as well. My fiance is a police officer so I told my dad thanks but no thanks because we got training about car seat safety and it is unsafe to reuse another child's carseat, due to different weights and body structure. Also, I know how you feel with feeling guilty about wanting new things for your child, but don't, especially if you are planning on having more children after this. This will be my first and I am hoping to have 1 or 2 more, so by the third child, all my hand me downs, will be totally shot. Also, you deserve some new things!


aurora23 - December 8

Thanks gabby509. It's funny because our lives are alot alike. lol It's my dad's 3 marriage and his wife is only 2 years older than me! She's nice though so I have no problem with it, plus my brother is the cutest thing. This is also my first child, I don't want to sound ungrateful and I don't mind used items at all. I am definitely not one of those mom's that needs everything new, but safety I won't compromise on.


Stephanie_31 - December 10

A car seat is like a helmet. It should only ever have one owner and if it has been in an accident it needs to be replaced. Just tell her the truth, she is a mother and she should understand. If the choice is between keeping your baby safe and hurting a grown womans feelings, the choice should be simple.:)


Stephanie_31 - December 10

Oh... BTW, you should also let her know that she shouldn't use it in her car either. If she is driving with your little one, she should have her own new one or use yours. She also needs to learn how to install it properly. Maybe you could take he to a carseat clinic with you.


Faye84 - December 10

Tell her that you cant used an already used carseat. Plain and simple. You are suppose to get a new car seat for each child. PLUS if that carseat has been in a car accident its no good. If she is a stubborn woman maybe pull up a bunch of info on it. My grandma had gotten me one and I had to explain WHY i couldnt use it and she understood. some people just dont know that your not suppose to reuse them.


aurora23 - December 10

Thanks for the advice. Stephanie 31: I definitely won't be letting her drive around with my son, just for personal reasons, I don't really trust her. For some reason I just have this gut feeling, and she's not that motherly from what I've witnessed. She likes to yell alot, instead of just talking normally and she fights with everyone about everything. Oddly enough she's always been nice to me though, thats why I feel bad for saying these things. Faye84: Thanks I will talk to her as soon as I see her again, there is no choice for me when it comes to my childs safety.


sarah21 - December 16

I would take the carseat, get a new one, and tell her that you're keeping it as a backup in case you need one for another vehicle. Or just be honest and tell her you would like a new one, that it is unsafe to use a used one, and just be firm. It'll only get worse if you don't lay down some ground rules now.


another Karen - December 16

You are by NO means being childish. No one should use a carseat that you don't know the history of. There is no way to check or inspect them for stress. Buying a brand new one is the responsible thing to do. Your MIL may not understand this as years ago you'd just buckle the baby's ba__sinet in and off you go. I wouldn't use it for the fact that a cat has been sleeping in it too. Just tell her, no hard feelings, that's the law. I don't believe you can have them xrayed, that wouldn't show any trauma if there was any. I worked at a plastic injection moulding factory for 8 years, I don't claim to be an expert but know enough to suggest you decline the offer. Helmets are able to be xrayed as what you see is only the outside shell, the padding on the inside is what needs to be xrayed. No one should buy or accept a 2nd hand helmet either.


aurora23 - December 18

Hey guys, thanks for all of your answers! Just an update--I found out yesterday that my boyfriend feels the exact same way I do and he talked to his mom and told her that under no circ_mstances will his child be put in this carseat. She was the one who told me he said that, I just agreed. She also said "well I will just keep it and leave it in my car for when the baby rides with me." Well I told him she said that and he just laughed, as in a that will never happen she is crazy kind of way. So I feel much better that I don't have to worry about that anymore, I was stressing over nothing because me and him were both on the same page.



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