To Find Out Or Not To Find Out

24 Replies
JessC531 - February 16

I have my 19 week u/s in 2 weeks. Dh and I decided right away not to find out the s_x of the baby... that we wanted the surprise in July. But now that the opportunity is approaching, we're both having second thoughts. I do really want the surprise... I figure you don't get many surprises like that in life. But at the same time, I would love to be able to plan for our baby's arrival - decorate the nursery (and complete it), buy outfits and things. This is our first and we're very excited... but won't it be hard to get ready if we don't know? I think I would get more excited about it, and it would feel more real, if we knew what we were having. I am just so torn over this... I don't want to find out and end up wishing we had waited. What did you all decide to do, and how did you come to that decision? I just don't know what to do!!! Help!!!


TamaraAngel - February 16

This is my first pregnancy too and i definitely wanted to find out the gender. Everytime i went shopping, i just could not buy anything b/c i wanted to buy things that were gender specific. I don't mind a boy having a blue or yellow nursery/clothes but i would want a girl to have lots of pink! Lol. Once i found out, i went on a shopping spree!! At birth... you have so many other surprises like what the baby looks like, hair color, etc. And you can keep your name choice a secret and surprise family with that. In my opinion, finding out at 17weeks was still the best "surprise" of my life... and i have had so much fun preparing for my baby boy!! Let us know what you decide to do!


lily10 - February 16

This is my first pregnancy and I found out and I am so glad that I did. I have to say the day we found out was a wonderful day and it was a complete surprise and I don't regret it at all. It really does help you decide on things like the nursery and makes shopping so much more productive : ). I think most baby clothes even if they are not blue or pink have some sort of gender feel to them so that made buying clothes hard. I agree with Tamara that at birth you still have several surprises, right now i can't wait to see what my baby actually looks like. I personally love knowing that I'm having a girl but I can see the fun and anticipation of not knowing till delivery. Try not to feel torn over this either way you'll be very happy with your decision! Let us know!! Good luck.


Kime - February 16

Ya im with you guys. Everytime i went shopping i could never buy anything b/c everything was so gender specific. Even if it was beige it would have either a big b___terfly or sailboat on the front. Im so happy i found out what im having, b/c i got just what i wanted a baby girl, plus i found out on valentines day so that was the best present me and my fiance had ever gotten. But Jess i say go with your heart, don't do it b/c it worked out for us. You might really decide you want it to be a suprise and thats fine too! Just whatever makes you happy!


jendean00 - February 16

This is my first pregnancy and so far I have been offered 3 different showers I would not want some much yellow or green stuff. It was the most wonderful news to find out we were having a little girl that we left the doctor and went and bought a dress. I know the day she gets here I will be so excited about her arrival that I will not regret finding out the s_x before hand. I can not wait until June so I can meet her.


MNMOM - February 16

For our first we didn't find out, we wanted the true surprise. This just meant that our nursery but a bit on the neutral side, but other than that we got plenty of boy clothes as gifts once we had him, and we had some neutral stuff bought ahead of time anyway. Its such a personal decision. We found out this pregnancy and I am glad we did this time around.


TamaraAngel - February 16

Oh - another reason i'm glad i found out is b/c my "intuition" told me i was having a girl so i spent lots of time planning a girl name... and i bought some really cute dresses and hair bands... and surprise! It's a boy! So... i returned the dresses, bought adorable boy outfits and now call my baby by name. But like the other girls said... it's a personal choice. I'm sure the grand surprise would be very special. But, i'm way too impatient to wait that long... 17 weeks was long enough! Maybe you can have the doctor write down the gender and seal it in an envelope. That way, if you ever change your mind, you have the option of finding out!


JerseyGirl - February 16

I seem to feel the opposite of most women on these boards - we are NOT finding out the s_x before the baby is born - there is simply no reason why you have to. I couldn't agree with you more, JESS, that life does not have many opportunities for wonderful surprises like this - so why ruin it? It was so wonderful when my brother came running down the hall just 3 months ago saying, "it's a boy!!" when his son was born. So much more exciting than "so-and-so is here." And ya know what?? Eventually, you will know the s_x! You said, "won't it be hard to get ready if we don't know?" What did YOUR parents do? And THEIR parents? I am sure they didn't find out and look at you - you're here and fine and probably were not lacking in clothing or furniture. For the few days you're in the hospital, have someone pick up what you need. Babies need nothing more than a going-home outfit (who cares if it's green, yellow or white??), a car seat and a b___b. And it's not like people won't be buying you things anyway. There is seriously no need to have the nursery all decorated and all clothes bought. This is not to say that you shouldn't register at a baby store. Call it superst_tious or whatever, but until that baby is home safely, there are no guarantees. Imagine having everything done and everything bought, then g-d forbid something happens... and you've got to come home to that nursery. Whatever your decision, I hope you don't regret it. Let us know! - February 16

jess, make up your mind when you're there at the dr. during the u/s. they may not be able to tell the s_x at that time anyway (baby crosses its legs, or is in a position that's hard to see) but if you do find out, it will stil be a great surprise then, and u/s sometimes are not 100% right! you might get an even bigger surprise when your little baby is born (thinking its a girl, but turns out to be a boy) if you do find out, you'll be able to purchase clothes, and pick a paint color for the nursery! my u/s is scheduled for 3/1 and my husband and i have decided (with out question) to find out the s_x. it will be easier to pick names, and buy stuff!!!


sarahd - February 16

JerseyGirl I'm with you! I understand the inclination to find out, but I don't think there was anything more wonderful in the world than when my BIL ran out of the hospital room when my sister had her baby and yelled "It's a girl!" Truthfully, babies grow out of their newborn stuff SO quickly, so I don't think it matters that they spend a few weeks in white/yellow and green clothes. Really, you're not fussing with dresses or fancy clothes at that point anyway most of the time. I think it's a totally personal decision whether or not you find out, but you definitely don't NEED to if you want the surprise. Anyway, we're not finding out obviously!


JerseyGirl - February 16

Yay, I'm not alone!!! :)


sonia989 - February 16

I really wanted to know, just to see if my intuition about it being a boy was right- and it was. Knowing helps me feel like I'm getting to know my baby a bit, and we call him by name - Alex, short for Alexis. I used a sperm donor, so it's a bit weird not being able to imagine at all what the baby will look like. I had very little info on the donor. It was a last-minute decision because my partner had no viable sperm to speak of, even with surgical sperm retrieval. We had no choice, but I am still really sad that I can't 'replicate' the man I love.


mommybabyboy21 - February 16

I really wanted to know...but the u/s tech didn't have to tell son was being stuborn about showing his left leg and I had a 3d ultra sound and with the tech tring to get the messurements of his leg I saw his winky over and over again. So if you get a 3d ultrasound they are sooo clear its easy to tell. And like most of the lady's have said everything sooo gender specific that it was hard to buy anything. Plus I am not buying infant clothes, they didn't fit me when I was born and they didn't fit the babys father when he was born so I figure they won't fit my son.


JerseyGirl - February 16

I want to start by saying I'm not inviting an argument here. I'm just trying to understand why people feel they HAVE to find out the s_x. It's not like a forever thing that you'll never know. It's scary to hear women say, "I have no patience and can't wait 9 months." If you have no patience, how are you going to take care of another person? Children require patience! Sorry to single you out SONIA, but you said, "I really wanted to know, just to see if my intuition about it being a boy was right." Don't you realize that you would know if your intuition was right as soon as the baby comes out? Again, not trying to start an argument...


pebblesnbambam - February 16

Ok.. add another mama to the WAIT LIST! I did not want to find out with my first... but allowed my husband to find out.. and then he told our parents, then told our sibblings.. then it got back to me. NOT the way you want to find out.. but.. still a little miracle. I have always wanted to hear the words "Its a.......... " to me.. that is just one small reward from all of the work that we go through to get them here.. #1 prize being them of course. I LOVE surprises so this time around NO ONE has found out.. no peeking, and i made it perfectly clear to the tech and doc that we do not want to know. This is my last baby and I can't wait to hear what I am having!!!!! It is a personal preference and either way you win!!! Just a matter of how long you want to wait!


SaraH - February 16

Jess, I'm 33w's and we didn't find out. Yes, it does make it a bit more difficult to do the shopping and decorating, but I'm also really glad we didn't find out. It's going to be a great surprise after all of the hard work of pregnancy and delivery. While I understand that having your baby to hold and care for is really enough of a "payment" for all the work involved in having a child, finding out the s_x is going to be kind of the ‘icing on the cake.’ To me it's like opening your Christmas presents. It's still cool to get the gift no matter when you open it, but there is something more "special" about actually waiting and opening it on Christmas day. Anyways that's my view on it. As far as the buying and decorating goes...I've done the nursery walls in a green -which I think looks great and it's a very "nursery" color to me. As for the outfits, the baby has a lot of white, yellow, and green things and a few blue (I think little girls can wear blue). I really would like to buy some gender specific things though, and every time I look at baby clothing I'm tempted to, but I also just keep reminding myself that they grow soooo fast. So, even if I don't have any gender specific outfits for the first few weeks (NB or 0-3 month), I'm going to have to buy clothing again not long after baby is born since it's going to out grow the small stuff in a very short time. So, I'll have plenty of time to buy all those cute little gender specific outfits w/in a couple months after baby is born. Besides typically when they are first born they do best in onesies and sleepers, so the little dresses and pants/shirt sets may be best to wait for the 3-6 month stage anyways.


jendean00 - February 16

Jersey, It is a personal choice for me. it has nothing to do with patience. I tried for 3+ years for this baby and had 2 years of fertility. NOTHING will make the birth any less special because I know the s_x of the baby. If you can find out and want to know then by all means do it. If you do not want to know then don't, it all goes back to personal choice.



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