What To Do -pg119611092157

37 Replies
Sally123 - November 26

I know I'm probably a terrible person for saying this, but I really don't know what I'll do if I have a boy. I really REALLY want a girl, and I know I'll be disappointed to find out it it's a boy. Does anybody else have these feelings, or any thoughts that could help make me feel better about this? Maybe someone who has had a boy, and fell in love with him after he was born? I know a child is a blessing, and I really wish I could feel this way about it, but I just can't seem to get excited about anything but a girl. I had my 12 week scan last week, and even though the tech said it was too early to tell anything, I think I saw something in between the legs. It could have been anything I guess, but I'm just really afraid it was a boy.

 

kazforrest - November 26

I think you will love it whatever it is. Why are your feelings so strong for a girl?

 

Rainbowbrite - November 26

While it isn't necessarily the nicest feeling you have it is what you feel and i'm SURE you're not alone in feeling like this! I wanted a girl as well... although i didn't really mind the thought of having a boy i really wanted the girl! We are in fact having a girl and it was a great feeling but hearing the news of what we were having and seeing the baby on the screen made me realize as long as the baby was healthy and happy i really could not have cared either way!!!! I do feel that once you see your loved one that you'll feel bad or regret ever having these feelings and fall isntantly in love. And saying you think you saw something betwee the legs it couldve been anything.. you could've caught glimpse of the umbilical cord. Just know that the fact you're carrying a baby is a blessing and boy or girl it is a miracle!

 

ShoppingForTwo - November 26

If your really that shallow maybe you should consider adoption. . . . . . Just a thought. . . .

 

sarah21 - November 26

I know you think you'll be disappointed. I was the same way. I wanted a girl so bad I thought I'd cry if I had a boy, and everyone was saying it was a boy. But I had my ultrasound today and when the sonographer told me it was a girl, I was actually almost disappointed. I had grown used to the idea of a boy and had even referred to the baby as "he" and to find out it was a girl, even though it's what I wanted, was a bit disappointing. So I'm sure the idea will grow on you-- I know because it did for me. Once the baby starts kicking and you can connect to that wonderful baby inside you, it won't matter as much, I promise. ShoppingForTwo, you are really out of line and need to keep rude comments like that to yourself. You aren't helping anyone. Sally was being honest, and it is totally normal. Chill out.

 

Sally123 - November 26

Thanks Sarah and Rainbowbrite. I really hope that I'll feel more connected when I can feel the baby moving, and know that it's healthy. I really hate feeling this way, believe me, and it DOES make me feel shallow, shoppingfortwo, (though that comment kind of hurts my feelings) but at this point, I feel the way I feel. I don't know sometimes if I can relate to a boy, but I kinda know what you mean about growing used to the idea. Thanks for the great support, and I'll keep you updated about what happens in a few weeks.

 

Astra - November 26

Sally, I am having a boy and initially was really hoping for a girl. I have to tell you that it took me surprise and I was a touch dissapointed but now I am very excited and very connected to the little guy inside of me. You are NOT shallow for having feelings and being honest about them. I think everyone has a preference whethere they care to admit it or not, but ultimately every baby is a miracle and you will love it, boy or girl. I also reminded myself in the initial hard moment how difficult it is for some people to have a child of any s_x and how lucky I am to be having a baby. shopping fortwo, it's so sad that on this site of support there has to be at least one person which has to respond to honest feelings with mean comments. Are there any people with no doubts, no fears, no embarressing questions. I wish people like you would think about how you would like someone to respond to you when you have scary feelings to admit.

 

HeatherIsHopeful - November 26

I Kinda of want a girl but my family and my DHs family all want it to be a boy because out of the 3 grandkids there are already 3 girls in the family and my DH is the only boy in his family so they want him to carry on the family name and all that... I am secretly hoping for a girl though... either way I'll be happy as long as the baby is healthy and such :) good luck sally keep us informed :)

 

renaye - November 26

omg you are just the same as my panter he wants a girl so bad and when i went for my 20 week scan he reckon he could see some thing and in the scan photos there is some thing there i bet once you hold that baby of your boy or not you will be happy and love it just the same BE STRONG AND GOOD LUCK

 

ShoppingForTwo - November 26

I don't think I was being mean. I was stating my feelings as well. I'm sorry I don't agree. It seems like pregnant women (some) forget what a blessing and maricle it is to have a healthy baby in the first place! A baby is a blessing PERIOD! Naive pregnant women like her (and maybe some of you women that responded to me) make a HUGE fuss over what s_x the baby will be, "ohmigosh what outfit will I bring the baby home in so many choices" blah blah blah, actually bringing a healthy living baby into this world is HARD! You should only hope that your children come out healthy! There are SO many things that can wrong that the s_x is the most minor thing. A healthy baby should be the most important, 1st and foremost.

 

ShoppingForTwo - November 27

Hoping for a boy or a girl is perfectly fine, don't get me wrong. But if you people really feel like you won't love the baby if its not the s_x YOU want, or that you will be oh so disappointed or that you HOPE YOU will grow attached to it, and that hopefully the baby will grow on you then you really need to re-evaluate yourselves and stop being so selfish. And I don't know who said it but NOT EVERYONE has a preference. Alive and healthy would be perfectly marvelous of my dh and I.

 

reneenay - November 27

I have to agree with ShoppingforTwo on this one. I'm 15 weeks and will find out the s_x in a few weeks...I have a FEELING I am having a girl, but if I have a boy I will be just as excited. Yes, a girl would be fun in certain ways, like clothes. Women have this idea that they can better relate to girls. In some ways that can, but women also tend to forget that a lot of girls end up having a special bond with their fathers, and sons end up having that same bond with their mothers. I agree with ShoppingforTwo that it is perfectly fine to hope for one or the other. But there is something seriously wrong with someone who fears that if it's a boy that they'll have problems "falling in love with it." It seems very selfish to me. It is so petty and frivalous to worry about not being able to bond with your own flesh and blood because of its gender...especially when you consider that there are so many other more serious things that could happen to a baby. Sarah21, feeling this way is no where near totally normal. Sally123 is seriously worried that she might not be able to "love" a boy. That is very different than just wishing for a girl but then having a boy and being just as thrilled. I think its rediculous for Sally123 to be so worried about it, but at the same time I believe that once she sees that baby, boy or girl, that all her shallow thoughts will go out the window when she realizes she has a healthy beautiful baby.

 

ShoppingForTwo - November 27

Thanks Reenay, you said it perfectly. One thing about that "feeling" you have. A lot of people say its usually dead on when a women feels like she's having a certain s_x. . . It didn't work out that way with me though hehe. With my last pregnancy, first of all, I didn't even feel pregnant, AT ALL after morning sickness stopped so it was hard for me to "feel" like I was having a boy or a girl. I would feel so embara__sed when people asked "so what do you FEEL like your having" Then at 20 weeks it just HIT me while I was watching tv with my dh that we were having a BOY!! We didn't care either way boy or girl but I was so fun to guess and find out if I was right or wrong. Anyhow, I had a scan at 21 weeks, we originally weren't going to find out the s_x until birth but I was SOOO excited that I begged my dh to change his mind. Lol. He did and we found out that day that we were pregnant with a GIRL! Hehe I was soooooo wrong. Oh well. This time we will stick to our guns and wait until the birth to find out. . . . If I can manage!

 

Astra - November 27

shopping for two, the point is being supportive. I think women who have doubts need to hear that they will bond with the baby no matter what s_x and that feeling doubts in pregnancy about all sorts of things are normal. This forum is about being able to express those feelings without being JUDGED for them. Trust me, whoever has doubts and fears is judging themselves enough, they don't need to hear that they are being selfish, and shallow and should give their babies up, they need to hear that they will be ok and love their babies, what is is diffcutl to get about that. And making unkind comments is not "expressing your feelings' but judging others'. There is a difference. If you notice everyone who made kind and rea__suring comments also mentioned what a miracle/joy any baby would be, there is just a supportive and non supportive way of doing things, and honestly it upsets me when people feel like judging and making snarky comments is helpful...

 

Sally123 - November 27

Thanks Astra for that last comment. I was hoping to get back some great stories from women who had wanted girls, and ended up falling in love with their boys, and that's kind of why I posted. I JUST made it to 13 weeks today (YEAH), so I'm hoping I'll have a moment when everything will feel real, and I'll bond with the baby no matter what s_x. At this point, I really don't "feel" pregnant, and still don't feel like it's really real yet. Maybe I'll have my Miranda moment like in that episode of S_x and the City, and will bond with the baby and not care about anything other than that it's mine. Wish me luck girls! And no, I would never consider putting my baby up for adoption, even if it has three heads. That comment was pretty cruel.

 

ROBYN - November 27

You know the sad part about all of this is when you have suffered a loss regardless boy or girl i had to terminate my pregnancy at 14 1/2 weeks in Feb i lost all my amniotic fluid after going thru IVF and we found out it was a girl i wanted a boy because i already have a 9 year old son. When my DH found it was a girl he was bawling his eyes out he lost his little girl and i was just as devastated we are currently 26 weeks pregnant with a boy now and regardless we didnt care this time what it was as long as we make it thru the pregnancy and our baby is healthy thats the most important thing here. You will love your child no matter what the s_x is. Just be thankful you are able to create life alot of people would give anything to be in your shoes. I wish you luck no matter what the s_x is.

 

Sims1 - November 27

really well said astra. I keep saying i want a boy, but i know that if it's a girl i will feel just as much love and joy for the baby regardless of boy or girl. everyone is enjoying a preference before actually finding out what the baby is. so sally, i know what you mean, i really want a boy, but if it's a girl i know i will fall inlove just the same. i already am. and sally, even if you find out it's a boy, i believe 100 percent that you will feel just as overjoyed as if it was a girl.

 

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