WHY Death Before Life

4 Replies
rockwife - February 19

My father in law who I've come to know dearly over the years has been diagnosed with lung cancer for the past year. About three months ago the doctors said he was cancer free. The day before Valentine's (Same day we found out one year to the date) he told us the doctors said his cancer came back twice as vicious and is now attacking his liver. He has about three months to live. Probably no longer than May. His granddaughter Abby I am carrying is due in June... I was eager for time to pass by in my pregnancy at first and now that's not really the case. The bigger I get and the more I feel my little girl kicking inside the closer I know the time is coming. It really tears me up inside. He won't even see his granddaughter being born? In March we are heading down to his little town in Colorado for five days. He wants to come up with us to Texas after that for a little while. Then my brother in law's family will come up and stay a bit then take him back home. There are so many things wrong I can't even think straight. Number one, I've got Anxiety Disorder. I've been able to control it for about a year now but our house is small, this is a stressful situation, my hormones already go crazy, and that's...my husband, me, my brother in law, my sister in law, their two kids, two dogs (labrador's) and my father in law. Our house is a two bedroom house. One bed my husband and I sleep on. One in the nursery. My sleeping comes from about 30% in our bed while sleeping on our couch is about 70% during the day. It's pretty obvious I will lose my couch. Also, I get hotflashes when it gets above 40 degrees. My father in law last time he visited was so cold he turned the heater on IN THE SUMMER. I see myself getting into some big trouble in the future. Constant worry, overheating, and definitely a lack of sleep. I wish I knew what to do. I love my father in law though and I can't let him down. Whatever his lasts requests are I have to learn to deal with. I just wish I knew HOW to get through everything...


mommaminchey - February 19

I hate that you have to go through this but even if your father-in-law pa__ses before the Abby comes he will still be able to see her... Kinda like that song theres holes in the floor of haven... My father fought a battle with heart diesae for 11yrs and he was only goven 5 yrs to live... He died 08-09-07. He missed my wedding by a little more than a month... I was married on 09-29-07 and even though he couldn't walk me down the isle I knew he was still there... And now are baby is due 08-08-08 one day before the 1 tear anniversary of my farthers death... I know he had a hand in this... I know he is still with me and my child and will be there when I give birth... Its the hardest thing to go through but it has made my family stronger and appreciate everyone more... I hope everything works out but even if he you lose your couch it won't matter cause at least you get those last days with him... I would give anything to have the last days back... My dad was on a breathing machine so I didn't get those days... Be happy and cherish the last days of his life...


saddenedexpectantgrandma - February 22

Hi rockwife. You have more than enough going on in your life right now. That even someone w/o anxiety disorder might get anxious about. But just like mommaminchey typed. "Be happy and cherish the last days of his life". It's a minod 'bump in the road' to have a house full of family ( & or friends) at least you have people that care about and love you. Many don't. I never heard the expression 'there's holes in the floor of Heaven'..that's comforting to know momma:) I suffer from anxiety disorder. I have for many, many years now. I found that when I was pregnant the anxiety was minimal. Must have been the hormonal changes in my body?! Regardless of what or why, it made my pregancies even more happier for me. I think...I would only hope that ,every women would have a happy and healthy pregnancy!! Sadly, like in the case of my daughter and apparently so many other women, it's not the case :*( I really had no idea that there were so many miscarriages during each trimester. This very tragic event in our lives has opened my eyes even more. I always knew that life is precious this experience of my grandchild's death (fetal demise) just proved just how fragile.


ms. optimistik - February 23

Rockwife, I too understand what you are going thru. I am due in July and will have a planned csection in June. My best friend was my grandma. Stubborn and hard headed BUT HEALTHY, she wasn't going anywhere any time soon. We got a call on Feb.5 that she died in the tornados in Arkansas. Again this being my best friend, I have a hard time handling this. My 9 yr old daughter had the anxiety attack. I was beside myself.....she had made plans to come up north to be here when the baby was born. I am 1of 5 of her grandchildren and she only attended my wedding a year ago. She was my rock...I called her daily and was always there if I needed to cry or vent or just give me a good laugh....My mom also died Feb 9, 21 years ago so I did the "she'll never see my kids...they will never know their grandma..." But my 9 & 10 yr olds know so much about my mom...I don't cry over that anymore. My grandpa said that my grandma was looking forward to the birth of this baby and that he will be there still, but it is still hard. And when I thought I would not be able to handle being around my sisters and brothers and all their kids( there is alot of us!!) I had a pleasant weekend and needed my family the most then. My point is that it is hard to understand the death before life, but hopefully it will get easier in time. You may dread all the people coming but they will be there to help you remember the good times and laugh a little. Good luck and stay positive.


llukenjess - February 25

my father is going through the same thing....7 kids oldest 27...youngest 2....i am 10w prego and not sure if my father will be able to see his grandchild.ontop of that my mother just kicked me out of her house knowing i have no place to go...my bf just lost his job, and 2 of my animals just died....stress is a hard thing for me too right now...if anyone has any tips for dealing with stress please please let me know...i suffer from depression and i am not taking medication during my pregnancy and it's so difficult i just feel like crying all the time. i want this to be the happiest time in my life, but it seems like my whole world is crashing around me! help!



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