Question From Women Over 35

2 Replies
latebloomer - February 21

I'm 36 years old married four years to a 49 year old man with two childen in their 20's. During our courtship, we decided on no children since he already had two and to be honest, I never felt the need. After 17 years of taking birth control pills, I stopped last June and all I think about is having a child. I have fought the urge for the past 8 months and am currently in disagreement with the husband. To be fair, I did promise no children, but I need to know, can I get over this feeling? Does something happen to you physically that makes you want to have kids? I feel I am so ready for to raise a child but husband feels cheated that I didn't speak up when I was 31. He is giving me the option to leave the marriage if my urge is so strong to have a baby and wants to have a vasectomy since children were never part of his plan. I feel like a horrible person for feeling the way I do. I guess I just want to know, is what I'm feeling just a pass by feeling? or will this hunger persist?

 

Suebee - February 21

latebloomer... I'm also 36 years old married for almost 4 years as well. My dh is younger than me. You're certainly in a really hard position to be in. As I've gotten older (lol) the feelings for me have gotten stronger. I've never wanted children as badly as I have this past year. I'm not sure how this came on or why it's just a feeling that I have at this point in my life. Timing has alot to do with it as well. Everything has fallen into place and I feel that I can give my children everything and anything they'll need. I guess for yourself, it's really hard to say. Only you know whether this is something that you really, really want. Enough to walk away from your marriage apparently. It's to bad that your husband isn't flexible about it. Although, I can understand his position and you did marry on the premise that you both did not want children of your own. Gosh.. it's a hard one to help you with. You're really the only one that can make this decision. Dig deep into your heart and do what you think is best. You're not a horrible person. You can't control what you feel. At least you've been honest about it with him. Some women would get pregnant regardless without telling their dh. So, I think you have alot of courage to tell him how you really feel. Good luck latebloomer... I feel for you..

 

rj80 - February 23

Have a look at the topic 'my husband doesn't want to have a baby but i do ' on this forum. There are alot on women on that thread who feel the same as you. There are some really good insights into other women's thoughts on this issue. I too never felt an urge for kids until about 6mths ago and now I can't stop thinking about it - hell I'm on this forum in my lunch hour just because it mentions babies! You need to talk to him. I personally think that it is unfair that people (men mostly) use the argument 'but you said 5 years ago.. blah blah' . Aren't we allowed to change our minds? Aren't we allowed to change as a person and for other things to become important to us? As Subee said - you are not a horrible person. What have you done wrong - had a change of heart? It's probably going to be a very difficult decision for you but one that might tear you up inside if you ignore it - you must talk to him about it. Best of luck with it all - dig deep in your heart, sit in a quiet room and think hard, talk to your hubs and decide together. It will all fall into place eventually. x

 

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