Very Sad Story And Have Given Up

12 Replies
Sara - May 22

My name is Sara and i'm new to this site but i read almost every post.I know this isnt a question but i just wanted to share.I have been with my b/f for almost 4 years and recently we talked about trying to have a baby.We both agreed with it,well what i thought was BOTH.I tell him the days we should try and when i go over to his house he has an excuse like hes tired or hes going out with his friends first.I say to him are you sure you want to have a baby,and he says yes,but when the time comes theres an excuse.Iwent to his house yesterday and of course he didnt want to because his body ached,but he went out later on after i left.I talked to him before i left and he told me he didnt want to do this baby thing.Well,i talked to him later on that night and i asked him why whats wrong and he said he does want to i just stress him out about it.He said if its meant to be it will happen on its own.I'm so sad because i really wanted this.I wanted his baby.I wanted the responsibilities and everything else that comes along with having a child.We use to have s_x all the time but now we barely ever have it.Sometimes when we do,he goes soft in the middle of doing it.I feel like hes not attracted to me anymore and times i feel like hes cheating on me.When i ask him both hes says no he is attracted to me and no hes not cheating on me.I'm so confused,so sad that i feel as though my heart is broken and i cant fix it. :*(I dont know what to say to him about any of this.Ijust feel really stupid now.Like i dont even want to look at him.Because when i do i just want to cry.He says he does now but im afraid when i go there there will be something else and i will leave in tears again.I feel so stressed out.When i see a lady pregnant i turn my head and want to cry wishing that was me.Is anyone feeling this way or who can relate to me is some sort of way?

 

Dear Sarah - May 22

Im sorry to hear that he has changed his mind when you want a baby so much. If he is not ready for children dont force him . It is a big decision and one that you BOTH have to be 100% ready for and commited to. To be to totally honest i dont think your relationship is at the stage where you should have a babyespecially if you dont even live together.I think that is the first step you should take before having a baby to make sure you can handle living together and that your relationship can handle the everyday hurdles like bills, chores and goals. Goodluck with your relatioship and i hope everything works out for you.

 

Tosarah - May 22

Your sounds like many men and CANNOT perform under pressure. When you say "tonight is the night" timing wise he thinks "oh god, will I be able to get it up". Then makes excuses, he would rather miss out on s_x than risk utter embarra__sment. The best thing you can do is not mention anything about timing, say you will give the baby idea a rest for a little while, spend lots of time cuddling and let him feel relaxed and the s_x will come naturally. Just do it whenever (and make sure you dont go all out when the timing is good and put the lingerie on, he will twig and go soft in the middle!). Sounds like he does want a baby but the performance pressure is just too much for him to bear. Relax a bit and let things take their own course.

 

Dear Sarah - May 22

I think that you are too good of a person to have a baby with this guy. First you should be doing this the right way and giving this baby everything it needs. Get married, know he is commited to you and then have a baby. It sounds like to me he is not into the relationship and if you are questioning if he is cheating on you, then he probably is. You have been together 4 years and he has not even popped the question. He sounds like he has commitment issues or something is going on there. You should take a break from the relationship completely and let him see what he is missing. Don't have a baby to have a baby the only person that gets the bad end of that deal is the baby. This baby desrves married parents that love him/her. You derserve better.

 

dear Sara - May 22

You probably don't want to hear this. I am going to say it any way. Please keep an open mind. Be thankful!! Think about it! If he is doing this now, what type of father is he going to be. He is going to make excuses when the baby is born. Oh," I can't buy diapers b/c I have other things to do." I'm too tired to hold the baby" Do you get what I'm saying. You can't make him want this. Don't pressure him. You will regret it later.........You want a man who lives with you and will be there when you need him. Pregnancy is physically and emotionally draining. You want/need a strong, loving, and truthful man. Not a boy. He should be man enough to tell you he changed his mind. That is what it sound like. A change of heart. When you start to get robotic with s_x, it gets boring!!! Man start to lose interest in you. TTC is something that should be fun. Once you start to use dates and times to have s_x, its annoying. Try to stand in the man's shoes. It's unattractive!!..........Sit down with him and have a long serious talk. I hope everything works out for you. Good luck and Baby Dust!!!!!

 

Maggie - May 22

Hey Sarah, I'm sorry to hear you are so depressed about this, but that should also be your biggest tip-off that this is not the right time, and I hate to say it, but maybe not the right man. It sounds to me like the two of you don't even live together. Maybe that should be the first step. See if you guys can even live together before you decide to have a baby together. Good luck.

 

To Sara from sarah - May 22

Hey, i am sorry to hear that things are going the way for you that they are. But here is my honest opinion. If he really wants a baby and he wants it to just "happen" thats the best way for it to be. So many people get caught up in the baby making process they forget to enjoy the fact of just being together and then they end up stressing out. A lot of the babys that are made are when they least expect it. So just relax and sit back and when ya'll have s_x just don't think about the baby, it will come when the time is right. I speak from experience.Both times we had kids we just didn't worry about when and how, we just made love and went on with our daily lives, not worring about testing or "when do i ovulate" and both times i was pregnant within 2 months. so i am sending baby dust your way and just smile and don't bring the baby up again, just let it happen. I hope i helped!

 

Toni - May 23

I am sorry for your disappointment but this is not the right time for you, especially if you have an unwilling partner. Please also consider that pregnancy comes AFTER marriage. Seek God's counsel in your life and you will receive peace.

 

!! - May 23

Please refrain from religious teachings. Even atheists have kids. Married or unmarried, life is speical, whenever it comes.

 

Emily - May 23

I have also been with my boyfriend for 4 years. we got pregnant 3 years ago and unfortunately I miscarried. BUT, i look back now and think it was for the best. We weren´t at a very good stage in our relationship and at the time we weren´t living together either. We are still together and after 3 years of not using protection we have now BOTH come to the decision that we are ready for treatment. And he was the one who initiated this decision. Before he was too young and not prepared but now after lots of talks and thinking on both parts, we are ready. I agree with the other ladies. DONT stress. If it´s going to happen it will. I didnt pressure my bf (although sometimes I wanted to!) and he came to his own decision. Relax. Things have a way of working themselves out. Good luck.

 

Sara - May 24

Thank you all for responding back to this.Everything is so true. I just wanted to let you all know that im not a child. I am 29 years of age, just incase of of you were wondering about this because of this situation. I am still somewhat sad of course, but i am going to stop nagging him about it and let things be from here on out. i guess if it happens it will happen right. and hopefully one day this will happen for me.its just that you see people out there that are having babies that are on drugs or having their babies taken away from them and it makes you think like wow whats wrong with me ya know! I wish God will bless me thats all. thank you all and i will be responding back ok :)

 

vanessa - May 24

Hi Sara. I am of the belief that everything happens for a reason. When you are meant to become a mom - you will. I agree with the other posters that you should relax and enjoy your relationship.... see what happens. No one can tell you what is right, only you and your BF can decide that for yourselves based on your situation. I do, however, understand how you feel when it comes to seeing pregnant ladies. I am 30 and during this phase of a woman's life either everyone is having babies or already has babies... it can be tough. People start asking you when you will have a baby based on your age.... it not fair but it happens. Just remember that it's your life and your personal business. You sound like a very nice person. Have faith that everything WILL work out for you. You might not believe it or see it right now - but it will. {{{hugs}}}

 

Sarah - May 24

This guy doesn's sound ready, and you definitely don't want him to be a father until he's ready. Also, why wouldn't you get married first, so that you two are committed and can provide a stable family enviornment for you child?

 

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