Biologically He S The Father BUT

17 Replies
Ceno - May 17

I know who the father of my unborn child is. I was only with him when I had conceived the baby. He also knows this. The problem is that he isn't, at all, a great influence, let alone good influence, for the baby. Being a mother, I want to protect my child from any and all harm. Due to this, I have decided not to inform him of the child. I plan to get married to someone else, who knows about the pregnancy and situation, and wants to bear the responsibility. I want to know though can he legally allege paternity? I read that so long as a couple is married and the husband isn't the biologically father, he is still considered the legal father/provider. I can't however find any information on the biological father taking me to court to file for paternity. Does anyone know? And please no negative feedback about the situation. :-)


April - May 17

You can go to and ask the people on the custody boards, but be prepared to get yelled at by a few of the guys on there. I really can't give you any legal advice, but I CAN say that if the bio father finds out that this child is his and wants to take you to court for a paternity test, he will most likely win and will get the paternity test. Then after it shows up that he's the father, he'll be granted visitation. I can completely understand you wanting to protect your child, but this COULD backfire on you when the child grows up and finds out that you've been lying to them their entire lives. Plus you also have to remember that half of the child's family medical history is going to be a big blank. This can cause problems should the child have medical problems down the road. You will have absolutely no access to the real father's family medical records without the father's paternity being established. Just something to think about.


Tjane - May 18

If he wants to and has the means he can pet_tion the court to establish paternity. If he does this and you end up in front of a judge the judge is not going to be happy. The judge could even go as far to give him joing custody if it rubs him that wrong but it really is up to the judge as long as they stay within the law. In the court eyes they want to explore every possible avenue to nurture the relationship between the child and both the parents. I also go to a law website and ask questions too, if you have other questions or would just to confirm the info I gave you, its..... Hope this helps.


Been There - May 18

First, you must remember that who you put on the birth certificate as father is who the law will recognize as father unless a paternity test proves otherwise. If you are not married, usually, the father has to sign the birth certificate. If you are married, your spouse does not have to sign because it's a__sumed he is the father. If the biological father thinks it's his child, then he can take you to court. I don't think the judge will have feelings one way or the other about you not listing the right father and finding out there is a different father. They are supposed to be impartial. Also, a judge can't just award partial custody just because he thinks you should have listed who is now proven the biological father. People make mistakes or need to prove this stuff all the time. Having said all that,sometimes it's easier to be honest and up front about things so that you don't cause chaos later. Good luck with your decision.


Tjane - May 18

People are often mistaken when it comes to this. If a judge knows that you knowingly with held the information and sees so reason to not allow joint custody he can, they can do whatever they want as long as they are with in the law. They are impartial for the children, Sole custody is rarely awarded, you can get primary residential custody but not sole custody, the difference would be that the other parent still has a right in decisions even if they only have visitation, and just because you put someone on the birth certificate does not make him the father. If you are not married paternity still has to be proven, and to prove paternity he has to either take a dna test and be proven the father or he has to sign an affidavit stating he accepts responsibility as the father (this has to go through the courts). In most states before any man can be held responsible for child support and pet_tion the courts for visitation paternity has to be established through a paternity test, sometimes the affidavit isnt enough. He has a right to pet_tion the court for paternity. I do not agree with these laws I am just giving you the legal advice that I am aware of, not personal opinions,. if you tell me what state you are in I would be more than willing to find the laws verbatim on the website so you can see for yourself.


Been There - May 18

Tjane, I'm in the state of NJ and if the father signs birth certificate, you do not have to prove paternity unless he later challenges whether he is the father or not or someone else (like another possible father, etc.) challenges it through the court. Even if you go to court for some reason, if the father agrees verbally and on record, he does not have to take a paternity test because he has admitted to being the father and can waive the right to the test. In cases of true doubt, of course, you need the DNA to prove one way or the other. I agree with you that just putting someone's name on the birth certificate and him signing it does not automatically mean he is the biological father, but until proven otherwise, it is a__sumed that information is correct. I also understand that judges can make decisions based on facts, but I was just saying that they are not to be personally involved with the case just because they feel like being mean or feel "rubbed the wrong." I just meant that emotion shouldn't factor into the decision the judge makes. I guess I wasn't clear on that.


Tjane - May 18

Yeh i wasnt trying to debate with you personally, i just didnt want her thinking thats how it is everywhere. My childs father even wrote child support enforcement a letter agreeing but then he had to go personally and do an affidavit in court and I know we dont want to believe that judges rule with emotion but from the cases i have seen they hate the moms that dont allow rights because of how they feel personally as much as they hate just plain deadbeat parents. its also really hard to get parental rights terminated, even if a parent is convicted of molesting another child they still can get supervised vist_tion with their own children ( mom can even be court ordered to take them to the jail). Things are so twisted in some cases because they just want kids to know their parents even if they arent the healthiest people.. even if hes been convicted of dom violence, drug charges they still get their rights and its so hard for us whom didnt use our better judgement before laying down.. and note i said us because I am here with you.... it takes something major and extreme to have a parent removed from a childs life....and Ceno, be careful if there is any way for the father to prove that you didnt even know your husband when you got pregnant you could pay for it later, i dont know your situation but would hate for dad to get any benefit later because he could prove that you were dishonest.....(which could be hard but can happen)


mischelly30 - May 18

Ceno, does this mean you're pregnant by creepy guy you talked about elsewhere?? Congrats on your pregnancy! Honestly, I would consult a family lawyer. Most will give you a free consultation. I finally got tired of stressing myself out over potential legal ramifications of things I was doing (or not doing), and everyone kept giving me different advice, so I finally set up appointments and talked to a couple of family lawyers. They were really helpful, and it really put my mind at ease.


HannahBaby - May 18

I think that you should tell the father that you are pregnant with his baby and you A) expect him to step up and help you out financially with the baby or B) tell him you want him to sign over his rights (which im sure he will do, he doesnt sound like a stand up guy) You have to think down the road. Something medically could happen where your son NEEDS to know his medical history on both sides (being you and his biological father) I think that you should always be honest with your son so that 20 years down the road you arent in a situation where you have tell him, and make him feel like his life is a lie. Dont start out this relationship with your child based on a lie.


April - May 18

Tjane... the judge may be mad that the mother kept the truth from the father, but it still isn't likely that he'll award joint physical custody of an infant to the father. Yes, he CAN award that if he chooses to.. but it's very highly unlikely. Especially if this father is as bad an influence as Ceno is claiming he is. Also, in most states you do NOT have to take a paternity test to be declared the father. If a man signs a paternity paper, that means he's acknowledging that he's the father and the state will honor that. Maybe it really doesn't work like that in your state, but in most states it does.


New Here - May 19

Ok, I am not trying to be negative - just realistic. First of all, if this guy is such a bad influence, you probably should have thought about that before you got pregnant with his child. Unfortunately, no matter how bad of an influence he is, he is now the father of your child and there is a chance you will have to be tied to him for 18 years or longer. Attempting to deceive him or the courts, just doesn't seem like a good idea to me. If there is a possibility you will end up in court at some time (and I have experience as I have been going through family court for 5 years now re: my daughter who is 6) it just doesn't seem like it will make you look favorable if you lied on a legal doc_ment such as a birth certificate. It sounds like the guy you are planning to marry is upstanding and willing to take responsibility, even though the child is not biologically his, which is very commendable. However - and again, I am not trying to be negative, just realistic - what if things don't work out with this guy. What are the ramifications if he now has his name down as the father and for whatever reason changes his mind if you ever split up? Just something I think you should think about that no one else pointed out. Surely, I hope that things do work out for you but no one ever plans on getting married with the intent of getting divorced but we all know how commonly it happens. Your priority should be protecting yourself and your baby from anything that might happen in the future to the best of your ability -- again, this is coming from someone who has been dealing with it for 5 years and ongoing..... Good luck!


Tjane - May 19

If she is not b___st feeding there is not reason that he should not be awarded joint custody in the eyes of the law. If you dont believe me check the laws yourself. I know its not right but it doesnt work the way we think it should. He may have only visitation as if he doesnt have joint custody but he can still have a say so in the decisions for the child. Please talk to an attorney in your state because you are not receiving the most accurate information here. It is very hard to have a parent removed from a childs life. I know this from personal experience.....


Tjane - May 19

I am not trying to act like I know it all but I can give you my personal story, after my childs father was convicted of a drive by 3 years earlier he then shot himself in the crotch (hehehe) with a gun accidentally, he spent 3 years in jail because he was a convicted felon and shouldnt have had the gun in the first place,he then went to the hospital lied and said someone shot him from a distance and then it was proven it court because of the angle the bullet went in that he had done it khimself... (the idiot) at that time he had only seen his child when she was born and had never paid a penny in support. He agreed to sign his rights over when he got out and we contacted an attorney, the attorney advised us that he had not done anything in the eyes of the "law" that meant he should have his rights terminated, they also said the first condition before a judge would even consider it is that I would have to be married for a year to someone else that is willing to adopt, and by adopt that means if we ever got divorced he would be physically and financially responsible for my child until she turns 18, and once the adoption is complete its done, no turning back for him. Without knowing your state I cant tell you specifics but like I said before I would definately talk to an attorney before you or your soon to be husband make any decisions like this....


mom2b72 - May 21

Not trying to be negative, just realistic. I have researched having the father sign off on paternity, and it sounds like judges are not very inclined to do that. If you give yourself some time and space it does make sense. Like someone else said, medical history, your child has a right to know the other side of his family, and if it comes out down the line that you with held info from him/her, they might resent you. Also, You are pregnant with someone elses child, doesn't it seem a little early to already be "planning" on marrying someone else. You have admitted to poor judgement in the past (baby's father), you probably should slow it down a little and give yourself more time away from hormones, etc.. Just my opinion...


sa__sifras - May 22

I agree with mom2b, this is a secret that is very difficult to keep. Are you prepared to keep this from your child for their entire life? In 18 years this will be a lot worse when he or she decides to want to know their bio father. If it was a one time thing, this guy may not have a problem signing over his rights....a lot of men don't wnat that responsibility sadly. However, I feel that he should take every responsibilty in the world, no man should get out of this. If he realy is that bad of a guy then it won't be that hard to get a judge to see it and award you full custody. You can put him on the birth cretificate and have the baby keep your own last name, I understand wanting your husband to be to adopt the baby......why don't you give it some time though. The most important person here is the child and the long term effects that any outcome would have. The bio could easily take you to court and that could get ugly.


anon - July 18

Ceno there are alot of men taking of other men kids. Some of them did not get test because the mother simply said you are the father . You should know everything about the father's history and you do not have to tell him. I would not tell him, because if he is a bad influence I would not want him around my child either. If he takes you to court just explain to the judge that this guy will not be a great influence on my child. The judge will understand. They do not give a rat a__s about who is the father and the child won't either as long as he is being taking care of. Look at adoptive children they are just happy someone loves them.


anon - July 18

Well this is my story. The father took me to court for custody basically because he had lost his job and could not pay child support and was afraid of going to jail and the judge basically told him he could not have custody because the child live with me and we were not married. He could not have joint custody, because he live in another state. The father ask for visitation rights and the judge said he could not have vistation rights because we did not get along. So I do not know where you people live, but it totally different where I am from.



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