Can I Make It As A Mum

1 Replies
Fran - November 19

Hello everyone, hope you're all well. I'm Fran, I'm 20 and 8 weeks pregnant. This might all seem a bit in depth, but I'm trying desperately to make the right decision for my baby and all the background feels important. I had a really difficult childhood; my father was very abusive towards both me and my mum. Things have been, and sometimes still are, very difficult for me as a result of all I experienced as a child. I spent many years in psychiatric hospital and still carry a personality disorder diagnosis. I've been out of hospital for a few years now, and have started to move on with my life . I went back to college and finished my A-levels. This September I moved to Edinburgh to start University. I've struggled a lot with the move and have had to seek a lot of support from my doctor. I have been referred back to a psychiatrist as they think I am struggling with depression. The university have recommended that I take a break for the remainder of this academic year and return in September. I was in a very loving and supportive relationship with the father but I did a truly dreadful thing. Shortly after I left hospital, a few years back, my mum and I went through an awful time. She wrote to me asking for me to stay out of her life, telling me to think of her as dead. I had no contact with my father. I really struggled to come to terms with her rejection, it hit me really hard. I did a hideous thing and lied: I told everyone that she had killed herself. I confessed this to my partner about 6 weeks ago - understandably he was furious, hurt, and massively disappointed. He tried his best to come back to me but feels that all trust has been destroyed in our relationship. It is breaking my heart to lose him, especially as I know it is entirely my fault. He is adamant that I should have an abortion, he feels that I am simply not stable enough to be a mum. I think most other folk in my life agree with him. Part of me agrees with them, but part of me can't come to terms with the idea of an abortion and a big part of me really wants to keep the baby. I have always wanted to be a mum: I was told after I was unwell with pelvic inflammatory diesease in my teens that it was unlikely I would be able to conceive . I don't know if I will be able to again. This is where I get really stuck. For once in my life I want to do the right thing, not for me, but for someone else - someone more important: my baby. I don't want to keep the baby for selfish reasons. My biggest worry is that I am not stable enough to care for the baby properly. I could never harm my baby deliberately - but what if through illness or issues from my past I inadvertanty caused harm or failed to be the mum my baby will need emotionally? What if I become my father? If I can't be sure that I can be a good mum, a stable and loving mum, then I think I must have an abortion. The trouble is I just don't know. Obviously I have worries about bringing this baby into the world on my own. The father has said quite clearly that he wouldn't want to be involved in the child's life. I don't agree with him, but I have to respect his decision and think about the implications for him. He has a complex history of his own, and I don't want to hurt him more than I alreafy have done. I don't know what the idea of having a child "somewhere out there" would do to him. I also know that he is struggling financially at the moment, but that he would be forced to contribute toward the baby. I know that I have made dreadful and unforgiveable mistakes but I am desperately trying to make the right decision for my baby. I need to know if I can make it as a mum, if I can bring my child up to be happy and stable. I desperately want to - but perhaps that isn't enough? Thank you. Fran.


to Fran - November 19

Hi Fran , always put your child first and you should be okay . You may have some struggles from time to time but if you feel you may have a reasonable support system that would be even better . Along the way of raising your child anytime you feel you may need tips to help you find various mom support groups out there to help make it an easier and more pleasant experience . I'm not going to judge you and I hope noone else will . My mother raised 6 children in and out of the hospital for psychiatric reasons was always suicidal and depressed while my father brought in the income . We all stayed together there was never a divorce and all 6 children have had there successes in life and still occasionally communicate with each other .



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