Can Someone Give Me Advice About Whether Or Not To Have An Abortion

7 Replies
anonymous - September 9

I am a 27 year old mother of a beautiful 7 year old girl. I recently found out I am about 7 weeks pregnant with my ex's child. He is 29 and has a 4year old girl himself with another woman. This is not the same father. I am a teacher and unmarried. I told him the other day and he flipped out saying this was not his child nor problem. If I decide to have it he said he would have no part in this kid's life. I don't knwo what to do. I do not have the money for an abortion nor does my insurance cover it. He will not answer my phone calls. Someone please help me to make a decision. I am soo scared and alone. At the planned parenthood place I went all they talked about was abortion. I know it is not my only option. But I am scared to raise another child on my own because he says he wont be there. I hope someone out there was in my shoes or can give me some advice. Thanks


Erin - September 7

Hey there, when I was pregnant with my daughter I went through the same thing as you- what to do what to do. The father basically said he wouldn't be there- even questioned the paternity! At the time, he was the only guy I had ever slept with, so you can imagine. I actually had an appointment for an abortion, but never went through with it. ABORTION IS NOT THE ONLY WAY. My best friend went through exactly what you did, and ended up having an abortion and regretting it. She got pregnant with her second child (same father) and when the father found out- he FLIPPED. He swore he would never talk to her again if she kept this second child. Scared to raise ANOTHER baby on her own, she went and had the abortion. She says it is the worst mistake of her life. Recently, the father has said that he regrets what happened too. Unfortunately, it can't be taken back now. Sometimes guys just really freak out when they hear they are going to be daddies, and then after time,(sometimes a long time) come through. Whatever you do, make sure you are doing it for yourself dear, not because of his position on the situation. Keep in touch and email me if you'd like: [email protected]


lynn - September 9

I am in a similiar situation. My boyfriend of 3 years just left me because I wouldn't get an abortion. I was so close to doing it too. I made the appointment and everything. See my ( ex ) boyfriend told me that if I got the abortion he would marry me that same week. So I was all for it. But i realized that I would have made the biggest mistake of my life. He doesn't really love me, he just didn't want the child. I know that if I would have gotten the abortion, I would regret it for the rest of my life. What you do know is yours and only your decision. A question you must ask yourself is could you live with getting an abortion. I knew my answer right away. And believe me your not alone, I pray now each day, and I know that god will guide me in the right direction. Good luck to you, and I hope all works out for you.


Viv - September 17

I hear you about being scared and alone. It sounds as though you do not have strong family support close by. And I am sorry to hear of the reception you got at Planned Parenthood. They are supposed to have a supportive, neutral position. By not returning your calls, the ex is pressuring you in the strongest way he knows how. He is panicking because he can see his lifestyle changing if he has another child to support. I believe most men, but not all, will eventually take an interest in children they have fathered. Look at the relationship your ex has with his 4 year old as an indication of what will happen here. Sometimes you can keep their interest only if you make no financial demands, and that's a hard decision. The one person you have not mentioned in this decision tree is your daughter. At 7 she might have an opinion that will tip you one way or the other. "Honey, I was wondering if you ever missed not having a brother or sister in the house. If you wanted, we could work on that. The only thing is we would have a bunch of sharing to do?"


... - September 17

Hey-i am only 16 years old and i am 8 months pregnant and single. I know it will be hard for me but i also know i have the support of my family.Just because you wont have the father around it does'nt mean you should have an abortion.You will do fine raising this child-and even though he says he wont have anything to do with the child when he/she is born all that might change.


Viv - September 19

Anonymous, you're not giving us any feedback. Close the loop. If I wanted to play the devils advocate, I would say that children growing up without a male authority figure in the house are at a distinct disadvantage. I would say that the only reason that you are focused on this embryo is because it is yours (duh!) and that you are operating under the influence of evolutionary pressures making you want to get your genes into the next generation. True evolutionary logic should make you want to consider how to maximize your potential - bring up one child well, or two not so well.I would tell you that you have another 120 plus reproductive cycles in which to choose a better time of starting. Does that help the focus. We pray for you as you make your decision.


dalesgirl - September 19


Cathryn - September 25

You say you are scared to raise another child on your own...but you have done really well raising your little girl...with or without this uncaring mans help....although he is obliged to support you isnt easy is it? Noone can make the decision for what you feel is best for you ...



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