Cheating And Pregnancy

6 Replies
*T.G.* - July 23

My boyfriend and I had been together about a year when I got pregnant. However, while pregnant, my boyfriend cheated with his ex and got her pregnant. He did not tell me until he had found out his ex was pregnant. She knew more about me then I knew about her. Even though this happen two years ago, my mind is still replaying the images and thoughts of him and her. He told me he loved me and wanted to marry me, but then he would go out with his friends, or make up excuses. He has since apoligized, and claimes he will never do it again. He wants to be together as a family. Not to add fuel to the flame my mother is insistant that he is a looser and will always be, so she is harping on me to stay as far away from my babies father as possible. I want my daughter to know her father, but I have found the whole situation to complicate things. CAN SOMEONE HELP???????


s - July 25

Hey T.G. I know what your going through, everything from the cheating to the pregnancy, to the other woman and to the horrible thoughts. My bf cheated on me when I found out I was pregnant and he continued to do so up until I was about 6 months. Also the other woman knew a lot about me, more than I knew about her. She knew he was with me before I even knew she existed. It really hurt me. He did apologize to me and said that he wouldn't do it again, but I had such a hard time trusting him. I always found myself questioning EVERYTHING he said. I was always stressed and worried about where he might be, if he is infact where he said he would be. Another thing that really bothered me was taht I couldn't seem to get those thoughts out of my head, the same ones you have. I kept replaying them in my head over and over again. I had a pretty good picture in my mind beacuse unfortunaly the other woman contacted me and told me EVERYTHING, so I had a mental image of what went on. I just couldn't seem to get past the thoughts. I told him I had forgiven him, but I questioned myself "If I've forgiven him, why am I still hung up on playing these images in my head and getting hurt by them?" I realized that even though I wanted to forgive him, my heart wouldn't let me, because if it did, then I wouldn't be torturing myself with replaying those thoughts. If you really do want to accept your boyfriends apology, and you want to forgive him for what he's done, you HAVE TO let go of everything. Everything thought, every hurt feeling and every negative thing anyone has to say about him, including your mothers words. You're basically starting off with a new slate, rebuilding your relationship. I'm not saying that you have to trust him right away, of course that will take time, but you have to give up torturing yourself otherwise it won't work. You'll soon find out that it's not worth your stress. This is what I realized and even though I loved him sooooooooooo much, I couldn't go on living in that relationship knowing that I'll never be able to get over what he did to me. I find that sometimes, no matter how much you want to hang on, no matter how hard you try to make things work, no matter how hard you try to forget, you just have to let go and if you do, you'll later realize that it was the right thing to do. Good luck!


Anne - August 2

Well now that blabber mouth is done..... I went through the same thing TG. My ex got an old girlfriend pregnant while i was 6 months pregnant. My daughter has a brother 5 or 6 months younger than her. All I can say is that people don't change. I know there are people out there who say they do, but those people are living in fantasy land. Odd's are your boyfriend will continue to cheat and be the same way. Your child is probably better off without that influence in his/her life.


~S~ - August 2

To Anne - Don't you think the beginning of your comment to "s" was uncalled for? If you can't be bothered to read what other people write, then maybe you should just skip it by? I find that when I have a problem, it helps when I read or hear about someone else's experience with the same problem. ANYWAYS, to *T.G.* I think you need to really sit down and think about what's best for you and your baby. If you want to accept your bf's apologies, like "s" said, you have to let go of everything that happened, otherwise you'll torture yourself and your relationship. But this decision is up to you. I DO believe that SOME people can change, if they truely and honestly want to. Most people will change when they see they've possibly lost something that was very valuable to them. I believe this because a friend of mine used to cheat on her boyfriend. She ended up losing him in the end and now fully regrets her actions. She realized that she lost something that was so dear to her, all for what? a whole lot of nothing. She's now in a new relationship and is a completely different person. Good luck, whatever you do, just make sure that your baby is your first priority.


Anne - August 10

~S~.... Sorry, I just think it's a bit redundant and dull when people go on and on about the same thing. Make your point and be on your way.


Lisa Marie Louder - August 16

I think that the old saying is true..."once a cheater; always a cheater". Especially if this cheating was with an EX?!? That is just dirty, and you deserve soooo much better than that (your child does too)...what kind of example is that setting for her? You wouldn't want her to grow up and let men cheat on her (and her think it was normal or ok) would you?


April - August 16

Listen to your mother. She can see what you can't. They say love is blind and they're right. It's awesome that you want your daughter to know her father, and she should. It does complicate things, but I think it would be best to stay away from a guy who would cheat on you while you're pregnant. There is NO excuse for that, and should not be forgotten. So I would say listen to your mom, stay away from this guy, and only go near him when he's having visitation/custody of your daughter (however that may be set up). To give you some quick background on me. My ex dumped me when I was 4 months pregnant (he's 27, I'm 23) he started dating a 19-year-old 2 weeks later and got engaged to her 3 months after that (baby isn't born yet). My mother told me long before I got pregnant by this guy that he was a selfish jerk... did I listen? nope. I couldn't see what she was talking about. Was she right about him? yep! This would be why I am telling you to listen to your mother. :)



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