12 Replies
zoe - May 31

i am 15 wks preg and the baby's dad already has a 9mth baby w/ another girl he says he is w/ no one. i know he will help me out finacially he visits me on the wknds, should i just cut him off, because i konw he won't be w/ me in the long run. and i feel he is w/ the other babys mom, any advice what i could say to him? as well i don't think the other women know i am preg. is it a good idea to confront her?


April - June 1

What do you mean by "cut him off." Do you mean to make him stop visiting you? Well, first and foremost.. do what's best for you and the baby. If him coming to visit you is stressing you out, then tell him so, because stress is not good for you and the baby. BUT... I would suggest that you let him spend time with you if it doesn't bother you. I find it is much harder when the father doesn't care at all... and acts completely oblivious to the fact that he has a child on the way... (my ex dumped me when I was 4 months pregnant, avoided me, then got engaged to another girl 3 months later.. haha.. nice, eh?) I do think the other woman should know, but I don't know if I would be the one to tell her. Make it clear to him that he NEEDS to tell her. Does she have any idea who you are? See, I live in a small town, so all I had to do was show up where my ex's "fiance" was and it was obvious I was pregnant. (She knew I was pregnant before they got together because we were around each other and she saw me) But, if you can't just show up where she is (with her recognizing you) and he refuses to tell her, then yes.. I would probably call her up, and calmly and nicely explain that I thought she should know that I am pregnant.


strength101 - June 2

Zoe - I disagree wit April, although she may have done what was best for her. You do not have to go around and prove that you are with carrying a child by this man. Time will reveal this child. You have to take care of yourself and your unborn child. Let him live a life of lies and wrong doing, don't lower yourself and make it your job to air his dirty laundry. What is the point, so she will walk away? And then what he will be all yours. What comes around goes around. And then what kind of woman does it make you look like to call another woman, you two are not married. And if you decide you want to say something, how are you going to feel if you don't get the reaction you are looking for. I mean what if he tells the woman you are lying, he is not the father, and he says why do you think i left her, she could have sleep with other men? What if she turns the table and ask you did you call to break up thier relationship and are you that desperate to keep him that you went and pregnant? What you do is your choice, but you may do something that will only make you feel worse depending on how they both react. And how does that make you a better person. It is easy to want to put it out there, but it can make things worse. Does it mean that much to you and what will you get out of it? Please know I understand, my son is 5 months old I know his father has not told anyone in his family including any females he is involved with. But he pays me $660 a month and my child is taken care of . What ever lies he tells is on him, she'll end up paying child support if she accepts his lies. I am doing right in life, he is still living wrong. My goal is not to reveal his wrong, it will reveal itself. Since I have had our son I have ran into people who know us and I do not hold back the truth, they know we were together 4 yrs and he left me pregnant. That is not me taking time to go find someone to tell, it is the truth slowly revealing itself. I do not have time to play his games, I have to trust God and focus on being a mother. Believe it or not he is slowly coming around and it is like I told him, I am secure within myself I do not need to lay down with multiple partners I have a son that needs me to live correct. I have to be secure and take care of myself. By his wrongs, his life is still going wrong one thing after the other keeps going wrong for him ... he lost his job, he applied for unemployment and the state found out with my help and now I get it, the other day he had a flat tire and said how am going to pay for a new tire... All i could say to him is you need to do the right thing for your child and live a better life than what your living, your wrong is showing and your life is is still going wrong. I have no secrets, he has many. There is nothing he can do at this point to hurt me. I have many things I can do, but I am a better person. So I pray and continue to have faith, it is hard to sit back and watch someone go through struggles, but he brought it on himself. So just think about it and think about what your focus is and are you prepared for the unknown response? Can you handle it if he becomes more upset towards you or if his att_tude is a non-caring att_tude? Expect the unexpected and do what you think you can handle. Every situation and every person is different and works for one may not work for the next person. Take time make choices that will leave you with no regrets. Get your priorities together and decide what is important to you. Remember you have a way to go in your pregnancy and it is important not have or add unnecessary stress. Good luck in whatever choices you make.


April - June 2

hey... didn't mean to mislead you... just want to straighten something out... I didn't go around this girl (my ex's new girl) with the sole intention to let her know that I was pregnant. We are in the same marketing business, and she was at a meeting that I was also at... with my giant belly. That's how she knew I was pregnant... I just meant that if zoe REALLY wanted this girl to know that she is pregnant... it would be better for her to show up somewhere and have the girl "see" her pregnant belly... rather than for her to call the girl up and tell her...


strength101 - June 2

April - I apologize if you felt I was saying your actions were wrong. Everyone has their own individual way of dealing with things. For me I try not to create a worse situation than what it already is. The pain of being left during preganancy and then being consumed with the man's actions can become an addiction if allowed. But we as women carry the child and don't need any undo stress. We bring some of the additional stress on by constantly staying in a battle with the father of why are you doing this and so on... It is a very hard thing to do, but if the pregnant woman can stay focused on her direction and the babies health, the rest will come around. To this day I still encourage my sons father to be involved. But I work hard and believe me it takes strength, but i work hard to be positive towards him no matter what he does. I will not lower my standards and be like him. I do not call him names, yell at him, try to put our business out there, or even go backwards. It will only hurt me because I have his son, I was the one left pregnant, and i am the one day in day out taking care of the baby. ZOE, again all I can say is make choices that you can mentally and emotionally handle. Your health comes first, the baby needs you healthy.


Aisha - June 3

Strength..I love what you had to say. I swear I was nodding my head to your words. I say this every day to women. Bad will bring bad. I emailed my babys father last week to let him know about the pregnancy etc and I told him that it was in his interest to let his parents know that there was a baby on the way. He basically had a fit. I personally do not care...right now Im so focused on having this baby and making sure that financially Im stable for at least 6 months after that I dont have time to think about him because i truly believe that what will be will be. zoe..when you got with this knew he had a child with this girl and thebaby so young..its possible that he is with the girl and you were just a diversion for him. Dont lower yourself. Never make yourself the victim in these situations. Say nothing to him just tell him you reap what you saw. What goes around comes around. What goes up must come down. You feel me?


strength101 - June 3

Aisha - Quick question: Is your childs father black? I will explain after you respond. Thanks in advance for responding.


zoe - June 3

no the baby's father is latino


black girl - June 24

Strength 101, I was really feeling what you said until you asked the race of Zoe's father. What does that have to do with anything??? Latino, Caucasian, Indian, Mexican, etc.. can do the very same thing to a woman. You need to watch out what you say and who you may be offending.....


~S~ - June 24

Yeah, I felt a little offended by strenght's comment too. I'm not black, but the father of my baby is. What does the race of have to do with anything??


where are you - June 27



zoe - June 30



rajiv - July 10

I need Indian Kannada names for new born baby plz send its female



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