Confused New Mother

2 Replies
M.M - June 23

I am a 21 yr old mother. I love with my bf for 3 years our daughter i a year. We have been together for 4. Everything use to be great, until I had my daughter. My pregnancy was great he made sure of it, we got engaged and here we are 11/2 yr later and I think we should get married. Well he don't. He actually is very nasty to me, never wants to spend time with me, ( I work full time) he watches the baby in the morning and then I have a babysitter. It's hard to understand, because then he gave me a card for my b'day and writes to my loving wife, but then says the only reason we got engaged was so that I could have a comfortable preganancy. He never hit me, he just puts me down a lot. Says I trapped him with the baby because she was a surprise. And I am so confused! I don't know if he loves me or no, or if hes cheating on me.My daughter loves her dad and it kills me to think of us as not a family. He doesn't seem to want to commit although he wants his cake and eat it too.. I am so confused!


~S~ - June 23

Wow, I'm just as confused as you, about my situation...Here's mine. I've been with my bf for over 3yrs. I love him to death, have always been good to him. He showered me with love and was always good to me, never hit me, was never physically abusive in anyway and never called me down...Everything seemed perfect. He told me how much he loved me everyday, told me that he would one day marry me and that he wanted me to carry his baby..blah blah blah...I totally thought I had a fantasy relationship. YEAH, FANTASY INDEED! 2 yrs into our relationship I started to suspect he was cheating on me and questioned him many times about it but he never admitted. To make a long story short, I eventually found out for sure that he was. I caught him. Well...because I love him so much, I decided to give him another chance because he seemed serious about fixing the situation. Our relationship started to get better, so I thought. I then found out I was pregnant. It too was a suprise. He seemed happy, he rea__sured me that everything would be okay, we would one day move in together and raise our family since I made it clear to him that I do not want to live in seperate homes with a child, but yet still be together, it's just way to confusing. The first few months of the pregnancy was great, I was soooooo happy, so thrilled, felt so lucky and I honestly felt that he had changed. Well, obviously he hadn't because I started to see more things that indicated that he was still cheating. Anyways...just today we had a talk about this situation. I told him that I can't take this anymore, it's either he loves me or he doesn't. He says he loves me and loves me a whole lot and really does want to be with me, but all in teh same breath he tells me that it didn't bother him that he was doing me wrong. Why? beacuse he says he doesn't trust me!!! i have never cheated on him, he has his own reasons as to why he feels he can't trust me, but yet he still loves me and wants to be with me. I really hurts me and confuses me because it makes me feel like i'm worthless and I'm being used. He says that he does want to one day be with me, but he has a problem trusting women. I don't get it, how can we ever be happy if he will never ever change his mind? So, all in all...I've come to the conclusion that my bf has a problem committing, but he too wants to have his cake and eat it too.


M.M - June 24

Thats terrible. How pregnant are you. well I also have fibroid tumors in mu uterus which i have to go through either a surgery before I have more children or have them now and wit to get the surgery if the tumors aren't that big. So in this I said that we should try to have another baby so at least I had 2. He don't want to. And really I don't think he cares. He never cheated on me that i know of, although I suspect times, when he goes out a lot. I don't go nowhere, I work, come home take care of my daughter, cook, clean and sleep it's a never ending process. The last two times I went to get my nails done I had to bring her with me. It's hard with no help. And frankly when I tell him that he thinks he does enough by watching her for the couple of hours during the day, when he says he knows fathers that don't attend to their kids at all. Well this is his daughter and i think whats fair to me should be fair to him, and he should get equal responsibilities. It never hit me so hard that when my daughter was born she was mine.. all mine.. I can't get up and go nowhere.. But she wasn't a fault, she wasn't my fault nor his, she was a surprise and she is my daughter. He has nerve to say that I don't do anything in my house. I don't know what more that this man wants. I feel your situation. I hope everything turns out well for you.



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