Did I Do The Right Thing

10 Replies
striving to be strong - April 11

I've been with my boyfreind for 2 years. He recently retired from plaing pro hockey. He got a really good job teaching hockey in Canada where he is from. I decided to move there with him. After living there illeagly for 5 months I found out that I was pregnant. Before we found this out it bothered me that he never did anything to get me leagal status( visa) . His famous words were I'm gonna I'm gonna. Not to mention I left my friends my family my job as well as my own country (USA) everything for him. I was left in this apartment from sun up to sun down unable to work, no transportation and no family or friends. I would go weeks without talking to anyone. ( Except for him when he was home.) We fought all the time. Basically I was miserable. Now for my delima. I found out I was pregnant. He still did not do anything to get my visa. I finally walked a mile in the snow to find a pay phone while he was at work to call immagration to see what I needed to do to get citizenship. Iwas told that it will take up to 2 years and once I applied that I wasn't able to leave the country until I was approved. Not to mention no one would sell me insurance until I was a legal citizen. After all that information (that took 2 minutes) I told my boyfriend and he just kept saying don't worry I'll take care of it. At that point all I wanted was my mom, and to go home. So that's what I did. It was a hard decision but I felt that was my only option. I left in March and planned to return in July, being that I am due in October. I figured that would give me time to get the medical care that I needed and allow him to get my paper work and find out about the insurance so I could deliver in Canada with him. Well ever since I came home he's been so distant. He hardly ever calls and when he does all I get is a major guilt trip for leaving him. But what was I suppose to do? I've been her for a little over a month found a doctor got all the things I needed to prepare for this baby. However he hasn't even begun to seek insurance. It's like he doesn't care. But yet he's so desperate to be in the childs life and wants to be there every moment. If I was such a priority why isn't he doing anything about it. I told him that I decided to have the baby here and that I didn't want to go back to Canada but I still wanted to be with him ( i love him- we're suppose to be soul mates). He said that he doesn't want to live in the U.S. He loves his job to much and is not willing to make that sacrifice. I've sacrificed for him why can't he do the same? On easter I was being sneaky and found out his pass code to his email. I discovered that he bought a membership to a dating web site. He put in his profile that he was a single man looking for a single atheletic female who loves to have alot of s_x. Not to mention he was seeking a long lasting romantic relationship, he said that he didn't have any kids and was undecided if he wanted any. On one part of this site he had a girl on there that was marked as his favorite. I've descovered that he talks to her everyday. (but not me...) Not to mention that she lives in the same city as him. I don't want to confront him about it because in June he's suppose to drive my dog and car down here and to visit for a week. I've decided to wait till then to confront him ( I've printed evrything that I found and continue to do so for evidence and so he can't deny it). I feel that I have to wait because then he might not come down with my things. This is killing me. I cry everyday for felling guilty, lonley, upset, scared, confused. Did I cause this? Is it my fault? I don't want to go through this alone. Everytime I hear a song or see a couple I feel so sad, but then again I have my days where I'm so angry. I'm ready to move on somedays but others I want to make it work. The fact is that I can't trust him. Why would he do this if he loves me SO much and wants so bad for us to be a family. I'm so lost. I'm ready to move on and I think its best to do so. But its so hard. How do I do this and when will I get over all of these mixed feelings? Deep down I know its what I have to do but its so hard. Can anybody give me a bit of advice?


(this is your conscience...) - April 11

You know what to do, and you already admit you know why. You'll be fine! It's not easy. I have been with my bf for 6.5 years and I am finally ready to move on--pregnant or not! You will be fine!!


striving to be strong - April 12

Thanks for your advice, however we talked today and he seems to have done a 360 I don't know what happened. He's seems to be back to the guy I fell inlove with. Do you think that this is just an act? What do I do when he does something like this?


Dana - April 12

I just recently broke it off with my boyfriend of 4 and a half years. I found out I was pregnant exactly a week later. He promised we'd be together and that he loves me, and blah blah blah. So I figured we could work things out. I was so wrong, and it hurt so much when I had realized he was just saying that cause he didn't want to stress me out. He now has not called in over 3 weeks, yet we're supposedly "together". It hurts a lot. Just some advice, move on now, because it hurts too much to get over it again. He'll call and try to charm you, and you'll think you're back to dating the guy you started dating way back when. That's what I thought too. Now I can't wait for him to call, cause I can't wait to ignore his call. You should stop talking to him, before he charms you again, and you have to go through this again. The stress and stuff isn't good for your baby either. So if you don't wanna do it, do it for your baby, that's why I'm moving on.


Audrey - April 13

Striving- I would not trust this man if I were you. You made sacrifices to move out of the country to be with him and you're expecting his baby. He on the other hand has been dragging his feet to get the legal doc_ments done, plus has been using a dating site. After all this time it's not likely you'll be able to straighten him out, to the best thing for you and your child is to move on. The next time you see him, tell him that if he's truly serious about this relationship he'll be the one who has to make some sacrifices now. Best of luck!


~S~ - April 13

Striving - I wish you the best of luck and I REALLY hope that he has actually decided to turn his act around and that it's genuine and serious...Although, I think you should still keep your guard up for a bit longer, just to see if his change of att_tude is serious. I say this because I've experienced this sudden change before, with my bf. It's like things go soooooo wrong, everything is all messed up, I feel like he doesn't care and he's not the guy I once knew...we fight, things get ugly to the point where I wonder how I could possibly go on and then all of a sudden, one day or a few days later, things start to turn around. His att_tude changes, and it seems as though he really DOES care about me, he really does want to be apart of what's going on, he starts showing me how much he loves me, how I'm so special to him and then I see that guy I once feel in love with....Well, I see this period as like a honeymoon period. It's good for awhile, long enough for you to believe that everything is going to be okay, everything is working out for the best and then BAM! You're right back at square one. All those hurt feelings come back, all those suspicions, thoughts about all the evidence that was found comes back...It's an emotional rollercoaster. I'm not saying that this is what's going on with you, all I'm sayin is becareful with your feelings, because it's possible that this is what could be going on. Nevertheless, I think you should still talk to him about the dating service he's on, the emails, and the other chic he's been planning to meet up with, because really, what's stoping him from actually meeting up with her? You? No way! If he wants to meet this other woman, he will. You deserve this talk, it's your feelings, your life and you deserve an opportunity to express what you feel and the option of making a decision for your life and your baby's. Good luck.


crystal - April 14

I dont know you or your b/f but from what i have read. he doesn't sound like he really loves you, if he did he would have gotten your visa situation taken care of in a heartbeat. he should have been like baby i'm going to take care of that so u dont have to be home bored not workin and not doing anything all day. He wants to keep u at home doing nothing, exactly what u were doing. Thats how u know if someone loves u, if they always look out for your best interest.My mother always says i dont need to be with someone that doing bad beside me b/c i can do bad by myself. In other words if your not helping me to better my self then i dont need u around me to bring me down even more. As far as the internet thing their is no exuse for that. You said that hes done a 360 and now hes actin diff. but how can u be with a man u cant trust? what can he say that u would understandng to what he has done? you were with him and by him doing that he disrepected you by doing that. But u r pregnant and it's always better to try to work it out with him, but if u do go back to him dont be stupid and think everything is all peachy again he can talk and it can sound like everything is all good again but remember that action always always speak louder than words.


striving to be strong - April 14

Thank you all for your advice I read them everyday and grow srtonger everyday. All of you are right. I've discovered that a 360 never stops turning. After I read all the things that he told and wrote to me I logged on to that site that he's been talking to that girl on and discoverd that he's still talking to her. So I've decided not to wait till June for him to bring me my car and stuff. I'm leaving in 2 weeks to drive to Canada with my mom my brother and best friend to just pop up pack my stuff and drive back. I planned on being there just before he goes to work so my mom and brother can drop him off, while he's at work we'll be packing and by the time he's done I'l be half way home. I feel that its kind of mean to leave him with no transpertation and stranded at work but he hasn't thought of my needs so why should I think of his.( this will be hard because I have a big heart and I can't help but to feel bad for him it's just in my nature to care) Plus I don't think hes planning on bringing my car down anyway he's always changing his story on when exactly he's comming down. (He told me yesterday that he might have to work on those dates that he planned on comming down and if so that he won't be able to come. I told him to tell his boss, Look I need june 6-13 off here is 2 months notice, my girl and my baby need me, he said work is more important.) from that moment on I started to plan my trip to go in 2 weeks. Then it will be done I can move on I don't have to play like I don't know anymore and the rest will be up to him. I can't express the help and power I've recieved from all of your messages. Thank You So much....


~S~ - April 14

Striving to be strong - You are a very strong woman and I applaud you for that. You have a good head on your shoulders and you know how to make your own decisions. Your baby is going to be very lucky to have a mother like yourself. Keep your head up because it's time to stop living that relationship blind. You're better off without him, but if he decides that he wants to take part in your life and your babys, make him prove that to you and your child, that's the least you deserve. Good luck! and whatever you do, don't worry about his needs - such as transportation, he has 2 legs he can walk. Or better yet, slip some change into his pocket for a bus ride home. Take care and best of luck.


crystal - April 15

Good for u. Do what u need to do. Dont let a man keep u from being happy. and remember u dont need to settle for less, u r a queen and b/f or husband should treat u like royalty. Don't be in a realationship were your not 100% happy(although it's not going to be happy times)u should never have to question someones love. If u you do, u know that it's a done deal. This should not be on you mind right now. The biggest thing on your mind should be worring about is what crib to buy. and worry about your ex he will get whats coming to him.


Jessica - April 26

If you have proof or not - they will deny it - and you have to be the one to decide what to do - and guess what you will move on - the world will not stop for our broken hearts - trust me - In time you will see that he was not the one for you - I just found out my lover is married and all the proof did me nothing good - he still denied it - until I got it from the horses mouth and now he will not talk to me - I am 2 months pregnant and my not have it now -



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