Don T Know What To Do

4 Replies
jayne - October 30

I'm 20 years old and a little over 3 month pregnant.I had been dating my ex for over a year and we had discussed marriage alot and were planning on getting married during the summer. Then i became pregnant and all he wanted was an abortion. When I told my ex that i was not going to get an abortion he flipped out on me. He cried told me we would work through this and evrything would be all right, he even told me how much he loved me. The next day i find out from his siter that he is done with me. I tried talking to him about it but all he did was yell and make me feel horrible. So i gave him space and didn't talk to him for 2 weeks and still he yelled at me. He has refused my invites to doctor appointments and won't ever discuss anything involving the child. He says he only want to be there when its born and thats it. I don't even know if i want him around period though. I just wish he would talk to me. All he does all day long it seems is just smoke pot and get drunk. I do not want any of that anywhere near y child ever. I won't deal with it because it has caused me so much pain. Right now i'm just depressed because i'm afraid i will make the wrong choice on what to do. He says he wants to be there after the birth but that seems just a little unfair to me that he gets to just ignore me for 6 more months. Should i keep giving him his space until he grows up and comes around or should i just tell him to forget about being there period. Sorry for the rambling i'm just really upset and torn.


sara - October 31

Wow. I got pregnant when I was 19. My daughter's father was in the picture until about 4 months when he hit me. Since then he was in and out. He had nothing to do with me the last few months of the pregnancy and then showed up in the delivery room! After all that he refused to sign the birth certificate and FORGOT to pick us up from the hospital!!! Then I filed for child support and he started hara__sing me so I dropped it. A few months ago I filed again and he started hara__sing me again so I made a deal with him. If I drop the child support he will voluntarily terminate his rights to her. I recommend following the same route. And don't let him in the delivery room!!! He needs to be there for ALL this child's life or not at all. So tell him to terminate his rights and go free then when you find a REAL man he can adopt your child. My current boyfriend is actually the one who brought this up so I know he's for real and that's an awesome feeling. Hope everything goes well and best wishes.


angel - October 31

hi i got regnant at 19 and the father freaked out b/c he was a lot older and it wasnt planned... he wanted me to get an abortion and when i wouldnt do it he was threating to leave me and the baby. if u need child support take him to court otherwise if u dont want him around make him give up his rights.... and hopefully omeone who will be a good father will come along good luck and god bless :)


April - October 31

Just give him his space. I personally know how frustrating it is to think that he gets to just ignore everything for 6 months and then all of the sudden gets to show up for the good part. One thing... you can't really tell him to forget about being there because as a father he has rights. BUT... you do hold the cards right now. With newborns they recommend supervised visits in the mother's home at first (where the baby is most comfortable) 3 times a week, 2 hours each visit. If he thinks he's just gonna come take the baby whenever he wants to.. you have the power to say no. Plus being that he smokes pot... if he should try to fight you in court... you could just tell them he smokes pot and then he'll have to take a drug test. If he doesn't pa__s the test, then he will get supervised visits for sure. He needs to earn the benefits of fatherhood just like you have to earn the benefits of motherhood... and he will or he will just stay away. Now, my ex is one of those guys who SAID he was going to be there after our daughter was born.. but it never happened. In fact, he's STILL saying he's going to be there.. and she's 3 months old and he's only seen her 3 times! He doesn't feel comfortable coming to my house for visitation... but I said "too bad.. that's how it's gonna be" and being that I hold the cards... his b___s are tied.. if he wants to see his daughter.. he's gonna do things my way. And THAT is how he's going to earn his privelages of fatherhood. So don't stress over this guy... for all you know he might stay away on his own. Either way, you'll be there.. enjoying every moment of your precious baby.


April - October 31

Sara... you said "he needs to be here for ALL this childs life or not at all"... I used to think the same thing until I talked to my half-sister. Her father was in her life until she was 3.. and then in and out after that. I told her that I was going to tell my ex to either be there, or don't be there at all.. none of this "in and out" c___p.. that's when she said "April... any time spent with the father is better than nothing.. even if it isn't much" So that changed my opinion on that. I will eventually find my daughter a GREAT step-dad... but her biological dad will still be allowed in and out of her life as much as he wants... even though that may kill me.



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