Ever Have One Of Those Days

3 Replies
fist_time_mommy - January 27

Ever have one of those days when you wonder what the h__l you were thinking? I am a 29 single female and 25 weeks pregnant. I am currently going through a divorce. My husband and I seperated in February, and in June I began dating a friend of a friend. Our relationship was fairly casual, and since I had recently seperated from my husband, I was not looking for a serious relationship. Anyway, in September, I discovered I was pregnant. I cannot say that I was completely suprised when I found out I was pregnant, as I recently went back on birth control, and the father choose not to use condoms. To make a long story short, he did not want anything to do with the child or me after hearing the news. I decided to keep the child. At the time I was in a doctoral program in another state. Now, I am in my home state near my parents. I went from being a self-sufficent woman, to a person living with a friend, until I can afford to live on my own, back in school to finish my master's degree, and applying for welfare because I don't earn enough money to support myself or the child. I have returned to what I used to do, but I am only getting limited hours at this time. I don't want to look for other work, because (a) I don't think I would have good luck since I am pregnant, and (b) I want to dedicate some time to finishing my thesis before the baby arrives. Anyway, I just learned that my soon-to-be-exhusband is now in a relationship, he is working steadily (he never worked during our marriage-- one of the reasons we split) and his life is going great, while I am single and pregnant by a man who not only does not want my child, but doesn't even acknowledge it, homeless if it wasn't for my dear friend letting me stay with her until I get on my feet, and going on Welfare. On days like this, I feel lower than low, and wonder what am I doing? Why did I choose this? I have a history of miscarriages, which is why I could not bring myself to an abortion, but now with everything in my life upside down I wonder what am I doing. Not everyday is like this, some days are great and I can't wait to be a mommy, but days like this make me want to run away somewhere. On top of all of this, I don't have full support of my family because I gave up a paid doctorial canidate position for this decision. The baby's father's family does not know, and I don't know if I should tell them or not. I have a plan to complete my masters and have work lined up for when I do, to make it so that I can support myself and my child, but getting there seems so far and I wonder if I can make it. I know this is long, but I just needed to get some stuff off my chest. I don't feel like I can talk to any of my friends about this, and certainly not my parents. I feel very alone. My friends are either married, or single and very single -- going out drinking, etc. Plus, the majority of the friends that I had from my home area (where I am now) were friends of my exhusband and I, and I just feel awkward being around them now, especially under these circ_mstances. Sorry this is so long, I just needed to get this out, and wonder if anyone else felt like this? Does this get better? I'm terrified of post-partum depression, because if I have days like this now, what is it going to be like when my daughter arrives? To those of you who stuck out this long venting session, thanks :)


mommybabyboy21 - January 27

Sometimes I feel like venting as well. I don't have a history of miscarriages but I was told that I could never get pregnant so when I did I couldn't have an abortion. So I understand that point. The father of the baby didn't see it my way he thought if he could get me pregnant once he could get me pregnant again and now was just not the time. So he made me choose a life with him or the life inside me. I decieded the life within me. So he walked out the door after being together for many years. I was the first to graduate college and I just started my career in August, whereas all of our friends and my ex are still in college. So they have the college life style, study sesions until 2 am during the week, weekends are spent partying and drinking and my ex didn't want to give that up until we were all out of school he says. Well because I have lots of student loans and am just starting out I can't afford rent on my own I had to move back in with my parents. My whole family is supportive about the baby...but I feel like I never got closesure from my ex, and my family doesn't understand why I should need it. It was one day we were living together he told me I was the love of his life and then the next day I was nothing, he would go out his way to avoid me, I think he has said maybe four sentences to me since I told him I was pregnant, he changed his number. I sometimes want to go where he is living and confront him, but then I don't what good it will do. Almost all of my friends were also friends of his and at first they said they didn't want to take sides and were trying to be support towards me...but then they wanted to go back partying and I couldn't because I was pregnant. And they were like sorry but we can't help you, so I feel left behind. Like my baby cost me not only my boyfriend but my fun. I sit at home most the time because I don't know what else there is to do. I love my son and don't want to give him up for the world. But then on the other hand I am so anger and upset and I can't vent because my family and friends are sick of hearing it. They think I should be over the father and I don't know somehow I should be happy because I always wanted children. And I did, I just wanted to be well established at work and be married and have a guys support. Sorry I vent on top of your vent. I guess its just to show you that someone else is feeling simlar to you.


olubabe - February 7

Im sorry you 2 are going through these problems. I get in my moods at times as well. I wont vent this time I will spare yall. And you might not want to hear this....but the scripture is so true " God will not put more on you than you can handle"


ShaunaLeigh - February 7

hey first time mommy! I totally understand where u are coming from, as im sorta in the same arrangement... except im pregnant with my third baby... I have two boys from my previous relationship... im only 25... & livin in a town hours away from any of my family... & the baby's father denies this baby & doesnt want nothing to do with me or the child either, & at the get go of this I was going to have an abortion but couldnt bring myself to do it either & at the time lost my apt... went back to livin with my dad but left there to come where im at now cuz i felt stuck cuz i didnt wanna tell anyone i was pregnant or face it... so i ran away from my problems to here... & was livin with a friend as well but got my own place, worked fer a few months & now am just waitin to have my baby, ive got less than a month to go, & im scared to hell cuz i have days just like youuuu... but i know that once i see my baby all this is gonna disappear cuz ive had two children previous to this... & i mean im on welfare now as well... its not much but hell it's something to get by until you can get ur life together & figure something out... once u hold ur baby Im suree things will be fine, thats my savin grace cuz i know the love i hold deep within me for my two boys... & without them i trully feel like i would have nothing at all, they are worth the struggles... & rough times i came thru... worth it all... i wish you luck & hope u can find the happiness ur seekin, just remember to be positive & think about the beautiful life inside you... there are lotsa ppl out there who can't have children so ur very fortunate even if this child came at a time where ur not ready for it... :)



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