Father Loves Another

5 Replies
shmecca - May 4

So I have found myself 36 single, pregnant and extremely sad, depressed and confused. I have a good support system with friends and family, i have a great job and own my own home, but i am horribly depressed about being pregnant. I never wanted to have a baby without a husband/boyfriend but a week before I found out I was pregnant his ex-girlfriend showed up and wanted him back. He decided that he was confused as to what he wanted so I let him go seeing that I would be his second choice, but now I am pregnant with his baby and she is shoving in my face the fact that he wants her and not me. He definitely wants to be involved with the child and be present at the birth, but I am having such a hard time. I would feel better if I could just be completely alone and have this baby, but I don't have that option, plus I could not do that to him or the child. i sometimes consider adoption, but in my position it seems so very selfish. Anyone out there been in this position? Help!


Emma2 - May 4

I know hoe it feels to be alone and scared but my question to you is....is your child worth more than the love of this man?


Been There - May 4

I wish I could offer some comfort. I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. It has to be hard. I wish you the best in whatever you do. I just have to say that it seems like if you would give the baby up for adoption, he may want full custody since he wants to be in his child's life. You did the right thing by not allowing yourself to hold on to someone who wants to be with someone else. It was a hard but very brave move. Now you must think about your child. Part of your emotions are affected right now by being hurt at a time when support is so necessary. Give yourself some time to work through this and then you should find your answer in your heart. It's possible that once you see your child, you won't be able to part with him/her because he/she is still a part of you. I wish I could be of help.


inuk-mama - May 5

i totally feel your pain! my daughters father left me when i was 8 months pregnant for my best friend. he called me every night at 3 in the morning, drunk, to talk about the baby. i told him that he could come to the hospital with me but if he brought her i would throw her out the 3rd floor window. he did come with me, for 10 minutes, then left, got drunk, and came back with his girlfriend!!! i considered adoption when i thought that it would keep him with me, but inthe end i kept our daughter. he doesn't have anything to do with her (his own choice) and that is fine with us, my husband is adopting her as his own anyways. it's a tough choice and adoption is a great thing ( i was adopted) but do whats best for YOU. and if you think he is one of those guys who will fight dirty over a child, don't put him on the birth certificate. i wish you all the best and you are in my prayers.


MammaJeana - May 8

I can so-ooo understand what you're going through. I am also 36 years old, and 4 1/2 months pregnant. I also have 3 other children. The father of this baby however is my boyfriend of 9 months. We were not trying to get pregnant, but when we found out he was ecstatic. More excited than I was - I was mostly scared. My boyfriend and I were a wonderful couple - no fights, great s_x life, lots of long meaningful talks, he got along great with my kids and they loved him enough to call him Daddy. My kids are 3, 4, and 9... their dad is totally out of the picture - abusive, drugs, drinking, what a mess. Anyway, out of the blue, I got a note from my boyfriend in my car at work... he had written the note to let me know that he had moved out of our house, and that it wasn't going to work for us as a couple. He has a daughter who is 4 from a previous marriage, so I can't imagine that the pregancy thing freaked him out, but all of the sudden his words to me have gone from, "I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you" to "I'm not ready for a relationship." How do you get to that point from where we were, and how do I now go on alone - expecting - and scared. Together, we were financially stable, but on my own, I'm afraid I'm going to lose my home. I have a great job with the state but during maternity leave will have absolutely no income. I'm so worried all the time, and so sad about having been abandonded when I needed his support the most. It would almost have been easier if he had cheated on me or something, so that then I could be mad at him... for now I'm just shocked and confused. To top things off, I can't bring myself to be mad... I truly love this man and keep hoping that he'll come to his senses and come home to me and the kids. Am I crazy? I know that I feel as though I'm getting there quickly.


frankschick2001 - May 8

I'm sorry you feel so sad. If you have thought about adoption already, would you be willing to give him full custody?



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