Fraking Out

3 Replies
LL - June 2

I'm really starting to freak out the closer I get to my due date, I'm 32 weeks. The father of my child is in jail right now, so sad, for missing a court date and I'm not sure how long he will be locked up but it will probably be for a couple months and I'm so scared of having this baby by myself and him not being there. I know I can do it physically, but emotionally I feel like I'm falling apart. We haven't had the best relationship, but we have always discussed and planned for him to be an active participant in the birth of our son. I guess our baby will not even be able to have his last name if he's not there. As I said our relationship is very strained but I have not focused on that, will deal with that later, and I've only been trying to focus on my pregnancy and this baby because I know that's most important but now I'm freaking out, scared, lonely and feeling depressed. I guess there's really nothing I can do but any suggestions on how I can get through these last 8 weeks by myself would be appreciated.


mischelly30 - June 2

LL, you need a back-up birthing coach. Someone who will attend birthing prep cla__ses with you and who will be willng to drive you to the hospital and be there with you in the delivery room. I have two birthing mother, and (if she is not available), a good friend of mine who lives very close to me. Do you have any family or friends whom you can ask to support you? Don't feel bad asking for support, it is an understandable situation, and often people will not give it if you do not ask because they are waiting for you to ask them! The second issue you raise is the last name of the child...sounds like you are just unaware of the process. You live in the U.S.A., right? The baby's father doesn't have to physically be there in order for you to give the baby the father's last name. To sign the birth certificate, yes; to a__sign a name, no. You, as the biological mother completing the birth certificate, have the right to give your child any name (first and last) that you want. Your last name could be Smith, your b/f's Jackson, and you could choose to give the baby the last name of Thompson. It doesn't matter. Keep in mind that you can also pet_tion through the courts to have a name change at any time, and they'll change the birth certificate, too. Hope that helps.


LL - June 2

Thanks for your advice! I don't have a lot of family that near by but my stepmother lives about 45 minutes from me so I guess I could ask her. I would love for my sister to be with me but she’s about 2 hours away and works a very demanding job. I already asked her if she could be my support and she said she would try, but couldn't guarantee that she could leave work and be there right when I need her. The father's sister lives right down the street from me and I'm sure she will be available if I need her, but I'm not very comfortable with her being my coach or in the operating room with me if I end up having a c-section. I don’t have many friends that live near me either as I've only been in this city for about 9 months now. I didn't know that about the birth certificate. I have a 12 year old daughter and I was told when I had her if the father wasn't physically there to sign the birth certificate then I couldn't give her his last name. It wasn't a bid deal then because I planned on giving her my last name anyways but that's what they told me. Thanks for your help!


New Here - June 2

Maybe you can make a plan with the baby's father's sister to be available to take you to the hospital when you go into labor, since she lives so close to you - but then have your mother or sister if she is available take over when they get there. That way, you are not alone during any of it, but it buys some time since your family is further away. Just a suggestion. I know it must be really hard for you being alone, and it is okay and completely normal to feel emotional. Please just try to stay strong and know that you will get through this. What about your 12 year old daughter? Will she be accompanying you or do you have arrangements made for her for when you go into labor?



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