He Wants To Date Other Women

4 Replies
maria - December 1

Hello, I am a 31 yr old woman who is 8 months pregnant. About a week ago my boyfriend and I had a talk about our relationship. He told me that he want to or felt like he wanted to talk to other girls and was having doubt about our relationship.Me having my own doubts told him I understood how he felt and related some of my own problems and temptations.Although I was calm and handled the conversation well, I have been freaking out. He does not know which direction he wants to go and I feel like everything is in limbo. I am beginning to think that there maybe other women or a woman in the picture.He says that he has been feeling better sinced we talked and he has not had any of thoes desires,but I have a hundred questions. I am not sure if he is going to run or stay or if I should stay. Please help


CNoel - December 1

Hello: first congrats on the baby. I would not try to worry too mcuh. First of all its natural, especially for males, to freak out upon the realization that he has a connection to you for life. however, if he wants to see other people there is nothing you can do either way. He will be honest or do it while lying. So the best thing you can do is what you've been doing- listening and sharing concerns. Remember that you can't set feelings in anyone's heart no matter how much we want to! But just keep doing as you have been...


maria - December 2

Thank you for responding. Some of my other friends say that I should leave him. We have had communication issues for a while and I feel that sometimes he toys with my emotions. I am not sure if he knows it or not. I am very tired and while I love him dearly I don't think I have enough love to put up with the emotional roller coster especially with a child. I will began to feel that something is not right and think he will talk about it, eventually I will bring it up and come to find out that he has been sitting on some pretty important stuff for weeks. He told me once that he did not think he was cut out for the serious relationship. I thought that he was saying that because he was afraid of messing up. Now I feel that I don't know who he is, I am not sure if this is going to be a repeated pattern. I am willing to strap on the guns and take care of business but is he?


Mellissa - December 2

It may be possible that your instincts are right and there already is another women he's involved with or at least, someone he has in mind. No one makes the statements that he did unless they already have someone lined up. Men also get scared to death about the prospect of becoming a father because it means that they have to grow up and let's face it, there are few men that are good at that, no matter what their age. Either way, you must look at what it says about him as a person when he throws this on his 8-month pregnant girlfriend. He is being severely selfish by worrying about his changing life and completely disregarding the huge sacrifices and changes that you yourself are making in your own life. He probably claims to be feeling better since you talked because you were more accepting and understanding than accusing (as you said you handled the conversation very well) Unfortunetly, this may mean that he believes that he was a sort of green light to stray due to the fact that you didn't b__w up and get furious with him. Love means acceptance but can you accept the fact that he is disloyal and unreliable? Your love can only take you so far, especially when it is a love that is obviously not returned.


Maria - December 3

I thought the same thing when he told me this. He was too sure of himself about the other women thing. I did ask him several times that same question, and he responded "no", but who's to say that he isn't lying. He knows where I stand with other women,I told him no self respecting woman would allow that. One of the suggestions was "LETS BREAK UP SO I CAN EXPLORE THEN MAYBE WE CAN GET BACK TOGETHER." I told him that once he leaves that is it. He did not consider me important enough to lose then he doesn't deserve me. As far as me handling the conversation as well as I did, that was getting as much information out of him as I could. I know from my own experience that he does not respond well to a screaming emotional woman. I also did not want him to choose to stay with me because he was worried that I woould not know how to handle myself or that type of information. Honestly I am beginning to think that I am the type of person that has to see this to the very end. I will admit that I have trust issues. This does not not make my thinking very rational. They come from other relationships I have had which puts a strain on this one. During the past 8 months I have done a lot of soul searching. I had to look at myself and be honest about the choices I have made thus far. I have had to recall the history of our relationship and all my other experiences and examine them. I felt that it was time to stop being young and dumb and be an adult. Some of us are late bloomers(smile). I could no longer judge him and not judge myself We have been together 3 yrs and believe me we have been through some things,and we are both tired.But I never thought that he would run from this. I am already to the point of being able to let him go,honestly it is not easy to walk away. So I pray every day for strenght to handle myself in whatever situation I may be in. the more It is funny, I was reading some things I wrote in my journal a few months ago and there was one line in which I stated " I feel that something is come my way that will push me to my limits, this will determine which direction my life will go." I feel like praying has prepared me in a way. Thank you for writing, Maria



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