How Can The Father Be Like This

4 Replies
cantexplainthis - April 14

I'm 22. I was with a guy for a couple of months and ended up pregnant. At first he was fine with it. I told him right away when I suspected I was pregnant. He went and bought me the damn test. He was there when I took it, he knew the result right away. He said all sorts of things to me about our future together. How happy he was I was having his kid, how he wanted me to have all his kids, and all sorts of things about us getting married. I think he was even excited about the baby at first. He picked out names, made lists of things we need, and read some of the baby books I had with me. Well, I'm 14 weeks now, and when I was about 10 weeks he decided that he wasn't ready to be a dad. And that he didn't really love me anymore. So he left. And pretty much just decided that he wanted this to go away. He still hasn't told his parents. I think I've talked to him maybe 3 or 4 times since the break-up and I initiated 1/2 of those contacts. He claims he cares about the baby and wants to know what's going on with it. He says he wants to be involved and at least known to the kid. I don' t know what to believe anymore though. Because he said lots of things that he evidently never meant. Through mutual friends, I know he's been drinking a lot, I guess he's looking for a job, he's stopped talking to his best friends pretty much, and as mentioned, he hasn't told his parents yet. I mean I don't understand how he can just stop talking to his best friend of 10 years. I don't understand how someone can just be a different person in a couple of weeks. He was never like this before. He wasn't perfect, and he had plenty of room to improve. But he wasn't this total douchebag that he's become. I just don't know what to think. I don' t know how to involve him. If this is who he's gonna be, I can never be with him. Which I'm not super concerned about, but what will I tell my child about it's father? How do I get through each day, knowing that this is the person who's kid I'm having? Any input would be appreciated. My friends and family have all pretty much said that he's scared and running. But I guess I'm just angry because I don't get to run away from this. And he shouldn't have said all those things if he didn't mean them.


April - April 14

I agree with your friends... he's scared and running. He might calm down after a while and become a part of the babies life.. he's got time. My ex did something similar. He was never excited about the baby, but he turned from a great guy into a douchbag. Didn't talk to me for the majority of my pregnancy, but insisted he was going to be there for our daughter. She's 9 months old now and he's just starting to come around (doing really well, I might add). There's really no telling what your guy will do. I don't blame you one bit for not wanting to be with him. I don't want to be with my ex either. He's done too much for me to ever want him again. Also, don't worry about what to tell your child, for all you know the father could be a really great dad to your child by then... even if he's not for the first few months. I feel bad for his parents most of all... they have a grandchild on the way and they don't even know it. Although we didn't tell either of our parents until I was about 14-15 weeks. How do you get through each day knowing this is the person whose kid you're having?? I used to wonder the same thing. It's hard when you think you're with a good guy and they turn out to be a dillhole. Completely not who you thought they were. So really that's not your fault... you were fooled just like I was. So just remember that your baby is yours too... and don't think about who the father is, just know you're gonna love your baby for who he/she is. Anyway, I would say don't worry about any of it because it's nothing you can control. So, do your best to just sit back, and wait to see what'll happen.


sara b - April 16

Hi all. I'm 21 and a young single mother. I have a 13 month old daughter. I'm not with her father but he still sees her. Almost 8 months ago I started dating a "great" guy. He has his own place, two good jobs, a nice truck, and was great with the baby. Then I found out he was lying and sneaking around behind my back. I gave him a second chance but then today I checked his email and found out he registered on a dating site. One of the pictures he used is one I took of him!!!!! My roommates bf was doing the same thing to her. Him and my bf are best friends so I guess its true what they say about birds of a feather.... Now that my roomies bf is out of the picture she hasn't come home since and hasn't helped with any of the bills and hasn't helped with the baby. She's supposed to be the one to watch the baby when I go back to school in May. Somebody hit my car and broke two windows in my house and robbed and vandalized my shed. I'm beginning to feel like my life is outta control and I'm never gonna get it together. Sorry this is so long but I really needed to vent and hopefully get some advice on how you all are dealing with the stress. Best wishes everyone and happy easter. Hugs Sara


crimsonlamb - April 16

I'm at 35 weeks, the father actually initiated having the baby with me.He said and did all sorts of things, I believe he believed them to be true at the time. Basically, the guy treated me horribly in so many ways.It made me feel like a real loser.It's really easy for someone to go power crazy some men can't handle being needed, but they should think about what they do.It should be .recently I'm starting to get over it.It's crazy that anyone would do that, it really surprises me. The guy has total power and it's disgusting that they would leave a woman at such a time of need. You think that you'll feel this way forever, you won't and you'll be alright.It's particularly hard to find support at this time, because it's a vulnerable time. But you'll be o.k. and go easy on yourself, eventually you'll be close to having the baby and it won't matter anymore. Try not to worry about the future too much, do get involved with a local childcare center find places and people that will support you. I have an old friend who I just got in touch with, she's been through similar circ_mstances. Otherwise hard not to let people get to you or beat yourself up for being alone it's o.k.Women have done it lots, they have great children. At 35 weeks all of the fears I had are going away and I'm getting into being a mother, it's exciting.. hang in there...........I'm 31 years old, I wish I would have gone through this at 22, you've got nine more young energetic years.I know it's hard though and although I'm alright today, everyday isn't great but it keeps getting better and better.


starr - April 18

I went through something similar with my baby's father. He just started coming around like he should now that I'm almost 8 months. We can actually have a conversation without arguing and he is really involved in everything now even though we aren't together. I was under a lot of stress and use to cry all the time. One of the things that got me through is knowing that I have this beautiful little girl growing inside of me who depends on me regardless of who else is around. Just know that you still have to be strong for the life that you helped create. If the father is an idiot, just think do u really want someone like that around your child? Obviously, he is a coward and is not worthy of you or the baby. Maybe he is just scared and may come around. If not, put your baby first and only focus on positive things and positive people. Good Luck.



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