How Should I Handle This

4 Replies
Confused - April 28

I've been dating this guy for the past 4yrs, things were really great in the beginning, he made me feel super special, I felt he gave me all his love and I trusted him with everything. There was no doubt in my mind that he was faithful and honest to me. Well, that was during the first 2yrs of our relationship, while entering the 3rd and 4th year, things started to get very, very rocky. I started to pick up on hints and feelings that made me suspicious as to whether or not he has been cheating on me. One day I found naked pictures of a woman in his house, he lives with a roommate and said they were not his, that they were his roommates booty call or something. I believed him, but the fishy part was those pictures were in HIS bedroom. I asked him why he had them in his room and he said his roommate came in to show him and just forgot them there, or left them there. I believed him and I even questioned the roommate and he agreed that they were his. Now I'm thinking of course the roommate is going to back my bf's ass up, right? They ARE pretty good friends. Another thing that made me suspicious is again, I found some pictures in the house of some chic (a different girl) they were laying around in the living room, I asked him who this girl was, and he said he didn't know, probably some "nasty girl" his roommate brought home. Again I belived him. BUT...sometime later, I saw a picture of a girl that was apparently his "friend" and guess what? the girl was the same girl in the picture I found in the living room. He lied. I questioned him about it, but because it was so long ago, he says he seriously does not recall the time. I got no where with that. My other suspicions come from late night phone calls from some girl. I must admit that I do check his caller ID he gets made at me for looking through his things, like when I look at his caller ID and I also found some love notes to him from some girl. They were not dated, so he used the excuse that they are "old" before him and I had been together. He is a pack rat and keeps EVERYTHING, so I didn't know if he was telling the truth or not. Eventually I got really fed up and wanted to know, since he wasn't offering me anything to make me trust him or believe him, I went through his bedroom one day when he was out fixing a car with his dad. Low and behold I found a love letter from some girl. It's the same girl that wrote him all the other stuff and I'm assuming that it's the same girl in the pictures, but I'm not for certain. I didn't bring my findings to him because he would yell and scream at me for going through his stuff and turn the tables around to make me look like I'm doing wrong my invading his privacy. When he gets like this, I can't seem to get a word in or ask him about what I found because he says that I had no right looking and because I went through his stuff, he's doesn't feel like he has to explain. He's very stubborn like this and I don't know what to do or how to bring it to his attention? Another incident happened, this was a year ago. I started to get harrassing phone calls, text message, emails from some girl telling me to back off her boyfriend because he's hers and she won't be going anywhere and that one day they plan to get married. WHAT??? married? I got another message from her saying she was pregnant with his child. I hit the roof. I mentioned this to him and asked him flat out if he's cheating on me, of course he denies it. He said he had no idea who was calling me, that maybe some crazy chic who is having problems with her bf accidently got my number, like maybe my number and this other girls number are similar. But then I started getting emails, same messages. He said he had no idea and said he was sorry that I'm going through this. He totally made it convincing that he really didn't know. THEN..just recently, I found out by a guy friend of mine that my boyfriend and this girl I suspect he's cheating on me with has been seen together numerous times, driving in her car, driving in his car, shopping, even at a hotel shortly away from town. Because I didn't see it with my own eyes, he says I have no proof and he says "what's wrong with me hanging out with my female friends? You have male friends and you don't hear me accusing you of fuking them" I'm so tired of this, everytime we have this discussion about him possibly cheating all he has to say is "what proof do you have?" Of course I found the love notes and such, and I REALLY want to bring this to him as proof, but like I said earlier, he would turn the tables around and focus everything on me invading his privacy and won't let me get a word in. What do I do?? I know I should leave him, but I honestly really do love the man and all I want is for him to be honest with me. *cries*


Re: confused - April 29

You already know in your heart he is a liar and a cheater. he is not worthy of you. You need to leave him and find someone worthy of your love. His little fits that he throws when you act suspicious is a definite sign of a guilty man. Believe me I know. Trust me he is definitely cheating.


to confused - April 29

Confused - I think you're certainly NOT confused. You know he's a cheating liar! What a jack*ss. You don't deserve this. Just remember, every day you stay with this loser is one day less that you could be spending with the true man of your dreams. Now go and find Mr. Right! Leave this sack of sh*t to the pyscho girl! They deserve each other.


confused and now hurt. - April 29

I know you're both right, I just don't understand why i have this thriving need for answers. I guess because he pressures me to always tell the truth, that the truth is the only way to go blah blah blah..He's even caught me in a few white lies, I only lied because I wanted to avoid an unnecessary fight and the other time was because I was embara__sed about something that happened. Mind you, this something had absolutly NOTHING to do with him or our relationship, but he totally lectured me about it. So, now that I find that he's lying to me, I want to to bring it to him and say "How can you tell me to be true to you, lecture me about it and then you turn around a live a lie day in and day out?!?!" *sigh* I know I deserve better, I guess I just wish he could be that better man. He's like night and day, he's so super nice, to my family, my friends to strangers, to everyone. He's totally poliet. I get so confused because he does things for me that are just like 'holy c___p! I can't believe you doing this, it's the most amazing thing ever' but then he can turn around and cheat on me. I really don't understand how people can be like this??? I couldn't do it, I couldn't carry around that guilt and act like it's nothing, it would eat away at me. I believe I'm a wonderful girlfriend. Yes, I've made mistakes and a few of them big mistakes, but I learn from them. I have never once cheated on him, I love him like there's no tomorrow, I give him everything I've got, I do whatever I need to do to show him what he's got in me and how much love he has from me, I'm basically at his beckon call when he needs me, but I must admit, I'm only always there beacuse I want to be, because that's the kind of person I am. iput those who I love as my first priority and yes I admit I do bend over backwards every now and then. I guess my overly large heart for him just makes it easier for him to abuse it, knowing that I'll probably come back because I love him so much. I hate this, I hate him, but at the same time I love him with every drop of blood in my body. *cries*


No longer confused - May 3

^ Thanks for your comment, but let me clearify a few things....1. I am not young, I'm in my late 20's. 2. Go to school? I've finished school, graduated and hold a degree. 3. Workout? I do that everyday. I do have an active lifestyle, it doesn't mean that my heart cant hurt anyless than the next person. 4. I have a lot of friends, but to be honest, they can only be there for so much and do so much. They care about be a lot, they are super respectful, but they can't be there every minute of my day to comfort me, I have to do some of that on my own. 4. I'm not jealous, I'm hurt because I've been betrayed and insulted. My compa__sion, love, trust and committment was taken completely for granted. I don't give those feelings out so freely, they are earned and when they are recieved, they are recieved 1000%. So yes, it damaged me see that my heart was breaking in a million pieces. I'm human, I feel, I love, I hurt, I anger. When I wrote this, everything was very fresh and just happened within only hours prior to me sitting down and typing. I can a__sure you that I now feel extremely stronger, I don't feel as fragile and believe it or not, things are really looking on the bright side. I brought all my thoughts, feelings, and "proof" to him and layed it out on the table and demanded that he come clean! He did, he threw everything out on the table and although he says he feels horrible and is very sorry, I still made it clear that there is no excuse for what he did, how he made me feel and that I cannot allow him to get away with that and think that everything is going to be okay WITHOUT a lot of work. So please, try not to judge someone so much before hearing what has to be said. I admit, I was weak but it was because I had so much love for him. It was just a matter of time before I gave my head a shake and stood up for myself, my feelings and my life.



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