I Create My Own Pain

2 Replies
nightgale - May 6

I had my baby 3 weeks ago, when I was pregnant I would come on here a lot and vent. I need help again please! Here is my situation I was with my boyfriend 6 monthes when I became pregnant, he broke up with me when I was 5 monthes pregnant. I didnt think it was really over, but it was. He went out to bars and meeting women while I would sit at home alone. It has now been another 5 monthes since we broke up and I had our baby about 3 weeks ago. I dont know what I was thinking, but I thought after I had the baby it would get easier, but instead I feel broken hearted all over again. HE is trying to be a good dad and be there for me, but I cant help but feel I want more, I still love him but I know he does not love me. I have never voiced my feelings to him, not since new years. Even after all the horrible things he has done to me, I want to make it work. I want to be a family, but then the logical part of me kicks in and knows it will never work. He is helping me fincially and has even got me a new baby safe car, my friends say it is just guilt and not to take it to heart. I am 95% sure if I tell him how I feel he will not feel the same way back. I just cant do this! I cant see him all the time like this it hurts so bad, but I cant keep my son from his dad due to my own childish insecuries. How do I get over this? PLEASE HELP

 

stephgts - May 7

All I have to say is WOW. I'm 5 months pregnant and the only two differences so far with mine and your story is that my ex IS the bartender where he meets girls (tho he says he's not looking for anyone, I've heard otherwise) and we broke up at 2 and a half months through the pregnancy instead of 5 months like you and your ex. I too, have had thoughts about things getting better after my daughter is born...and the logical part of me says NO WAY. He is also supporting me by paying half the pregnancy bills. I love him so much, he knows this. Sometimes it's so hard and rarely when I do open up to him, I cry really hard and I can tell that he's uncomfortable and doesn't want to hear my problems but feels like he has to. Guilt, yeah I think your friends are probably right about that. I miss him so much, I'm sorry I know what you're going through. I'm so sorry...

 

nightgale - May 7

hi stephgts thanks for the reply. I m so sorry that you are having to go through this too, it is the slow and painful way, I dont know which is worse. I just wanted to tell you I know what you are going through and if you ever want to chat my email and yahoo msg id is [email protected], if u ever need to vent let me know.

 

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