I Don T Know What To Do -pg112977324718

4 Replies
k - October 19

i have been with my daughters father for 5 years. we have had our ups and downs. i found out that he cheated on me once about 2 years ago. but i ended up taking him back, even though i felt so betrayed, i was still very much inlove with him and hoped to make things work. since we got back together, things were rocky at first, but this last year of our relationship was magical. we were more inlove than ever. we were planning our wedding. he had just started a new job. a great job. then things started to change. he had new friends, he did lots of things without me, and i caught him text msging secretly with a girl from his work (although the convo was about nothing much, he still was hiding them) which he had invited over to introduce to me b/c she was new to the area, but she refused my attempts to start conversations with her, she was much more interested in coming over and "talking work" with him while i was out of town. each time something happened, i confronted him. i asked him why he was hiding text msgs, and why he was having her over while i was out of town (my brother actually discovered this). he always made excuses, and it always ended with him making me feel horribly guilty for not trusting him and being "jealous". one night she came over, unannounced, with another friend of my bf's that i didnt know. he decided we would have a cook out and asked them to stay. we ate and had a few drinks and after a few hours i explained that i had plans with my gf's and asked her to come with us. she declined and responded that she had been out very late the night before and had a bit too much to drink, and she had just planned on going to bed early. later that night, i came home earlier than i planned, about midnight, instead of 2am, and here she was with my bf on our back porch, alone. i was shocked, but kept my cool. their conversation ended as i opened the door to make my presence known. they seemed nervous, a few minutes later she left. i didnt say anything that night. the next day i called him at work and asked him to meet me for lunch. i planned to discuss my feelings about him spending so much time with another female that i didnt even know, and how the way he acted about it was making me feel very insecure. as soon as i brought it up, he blew up in front of everyone in the resturant and left me there alone. he never came home that night. nor the next or the next. i only had a phone conversation with his mother since thats where he was staying and he refused to come to the phone, she told me that i was pushing him away b/c i didnt trust him. this was something he must have told her b/c she had no prior knowledge of anytyhing. as far as anyone knew, our relationship was close to great. so a few days later, i went to his moms house where he was staying, to talk to him. when i got there, the girl was there, it was late at night, and they were drunk. he never drinks. as soon as she saw me she took off. i started crying and yelling at him. he started pushing me. he tried to get on his motorcycle and take off, but dropped it b/c he was so drunk. his mothers bf came outside and started yelling at him and pushing him away from the bike so he wouldnt get on it. they almost started to fist fight, i took the keys out of the bike and ran down the street. the bf went back into the house. a few minutes later i heard my bf running up behind me. he tackled me to the ground and screamed and yelled to give him the keys. i refused, i had them hidden down my shirt, he clawed my hands open and ripped into my pockets. he started smacking me and the more i defended myself the stronger he became with me. he began punching me and choked me. he choked me until i passed out. this was a side of him i had never seen in 5 years. a purely hateful side that scared me so much. eventually i got home and called the police and he had me arrested as well for assualting him b/c in my self defense, i busted his lip. he has 2 felonys and a misdemeanor for what he did to me. i will most likely get off with self defense. through this whole thing i have been riding a major emotional rollar coaster. i dont feel like myself, im more depressed then ive ever known it was possible to be. im usually a happy, opptomistic person. and i pride myself on my control in situations. ive been tired, sick, cant eat, cant sleep. then my br___ts began to hurt. i got scared. 3 weeks after he assaulted me, 3 weeks after no contact with him, he hasnt seen his daughter, or offered any support. (this is all unlike the guy i used to know) i find out im pregnant with our second child. as soon as i found out i tried to call him many times but couldnt get a hold of him. finally i decided to go to his moms house again. i was out of my mind. i got there at 2 am. the girls car was there. i knew he was with her then, i knew he was denying it all along. i just needed to see it for myself. i couldnt blame myself any longer for him leaving. so i walked to the front door, opened it, went up the stairs and opened his door. there they were. in the bed naked together. i couldnt speak, i only shook in shock. he jumped out of the bed and pushed me out of the room and told me "get the f*%@ out". he told me i was psycho for showing up in the middle of the night, i managed to get out that i was pregnant and had been trying to tell him, and i didnt to find them together. i have been in a lot of pain emotionally and all that. but i had major pains in my abdomin which i feared may be a miscarriage. i went to the ER. they told me i was 6 weeks pregnant, which meant i was prego when he assualted me and the pain was from a large cyst on my ovary which they cant remove or give me any medication for. he called me the next day ready to pay for an abortion. $500 for an abortion. but he hasnt given me $5 in last month for his 3 year old daughter, even though he left me with no car, no money and i had no job at the time. ive gotten a job, and ive filed for medicaid. but emotionally i am lost and scared and feeling so beaten down. i dont know what to do.

 

k - October 19

another question is, should i try to go for full custody? should i allow him to be in my children's lives?

 

Dear K - October 19

I sorry to hear about your situation. I have little advise...Take good care of yourself. Try to stay away from him. Even if that means that you have a mediator to a__sist with you guys talking about the child....But I do say you childwill be mad at you if you keep them from their father. Good Luck and god be with you

 

dew - October 20

Wow K, I feel so bad for you. I know this is the last thing you want to hear right now, but you have to prepare your self for single motherhood, if you choose to have the baby. Your on the right track getting a job and filing for medicaid. I've never been in your specific situation, but I know how it feels to go through a pregnancy alone (I'm 7 1/2 months). I also know the fear and hurt that comes with preparing to be a single mother. If I were you I would prepare myself mentally for handling my pregnancy alone and have no expectations for the father just yet. Your have a little over 8 months to get over him and the pain he's caused you. It sounds hard but all you have to do is stay away, cry when ever you want to, and the days will continue to pa__s. there is no magic potion or 1 solution to a broken heart. But I promise you that there will come a time when you will wonder why you ever loved such a man. Don't focus on why he changed or what is going on in his life, he probably doesn't even know that. Just focus on you and your children. When you feel sad, think about your baby or the child you have now. Don't spend precious time and energy on regrets or worrying about a man that doesn't even deserve you. Don't focus on the details or trying to apply some sort of logic to his actions, they aren't worth the thought. It's so easy to get caught up in what could have been or what should have been, but in the end all you have is what is. so deal with what is and focus on your kids. It seems hard right now but I promise it gets easier with time. good luck.

 

- October 28

 

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