I Got Pregnant On Purpose

15 Replies
gracie - May 15

I am truely feeling like I am my own worst enemy. I have been with my husband since 1999, Back then I was very carreer orientated and told him I was not interested in having kids anytime soon. He was also interested in persueing his dreams. Over the next years I actually paid all our bills while he worked on his "art". I didnt mind as I loved him and felt he was talented. In August of 2004 I got pregnant. We had been using the "pull out " method of birth control for years and I never got pregnant so we never worried about it. We had actually just gotten engaged when I found out I was pregnant. He didnt want to get engaged but I pressured him (this is before I was pregnant) We planned a big wedding in May and instead had our son. We did a quicky ceremony at the court house. He didnt even want his mother to go. Only my mother came. This was hugly upsetting for my, but I was at this time 7 months pregnant and felt we should still get married. He told me when he found out I was pregnant, how his life was over and how he would never be able to do anything, he went on and on. He was somewhat supportive off and on throughout my pregnancy, however he quit his job in April ( (I had baby in May) We were living off of my income again. At about 6 weeks after baby born my job let me go. We now lived off my unemployment. He was looking for work, He really resented that he had to work to help support us. He let me know this all the time. He did however in his defence, take excellent care of me and baby after my csection. But of course he wasnt working. Now where I truely went crazy. After having my son, I relized it wouldnt work with husband and decided that since I would probably never meet anyone else to have anymore with , that I wanted one more, then would be done. Yes, I stopped my BC and got pregnant again, and it was compleltly my doing. He believed me to be on BC. After he found out about this pregnancy he quit his part time job, we still had unemployment on my side and didnt work for nearly 5 months. When I was about 4 months pregnant, and taking care of our 9 month old he would sit on the couch and tell me to go get a job. I was paying our bills with the money I had saved over the years, but it was fastly deteriating. I am now due in July with a little girl and have moved out of our apartment. I have a very supportive mother, who knows the truth as I told her who says I am always welcome to live with her. She has a nice house in the 'burbs" My husband finally got a job, but we have so much baggage that we can barely say hi to each other without fighting. He thinks I am cold, mean and inconsiderate. I think he is a lazy peice of shit. I supported him for nearly 4 years and the moment I needed help, he was so not there. Now here is my dilemna. Should I try for counciling or anything with him as he is now working, can feelings like this go away. Is it better to try to be a family. He says he would like to give us one last chance. I know I am better emotionally at my mothers, however, I cant help but wish for the family and that includes a father. I am so scared I will spend my life lonely. I do however LOVE being a mother. My husband makes so many comments about how I am useless as I will only be able to work around his schedule due to daycare costs. I told him, as I have a college degree and experiance that he could stay home and I would support him if he takes care and good care of the babies, No he says he doesnt want to have to take care of them, says he would like me to work and put them in daycare and he could work on his art. I understand a lot of the baby problems are my fault, but shouldnt a 31 year old "man" be more responsible. Thank you for all responces, grace


Been There - May 15

Gracie, you are so much better off without him. I completely understand wanting to be a family, but that doesn't seem to be what he wants. He wants a caretaker who will just support him. How can he call you useless when you paid all the bills. Where in all this is he showing any support for you? I can't tell you what to do, it's your decision. But you must ask yourself, if you stay away from him and don't have him in your life, what did you really lose. I can tell you that you are keeping your self respect if you just take care of yourself and your child. If you stay him, what will you really gain other than more frustration and emotional abuse. By the way, stop blaming yourself for the baby. He could have covered up. I can't stand it when the man thinks it's all the woman's responsibility. They just want someone to blame. You already know what you need to do. If you just feel you need a push, consider this one.


sara b - May 15

I agree with Been There. My daughter's father was the same. He even denied paternity for awhile. He lost his job, got another for a few weeks and then never worked again till after we split. He's still telling me he wants to be a family but he'll call and tell me about the problems with his newest bimbo. He just doesn't have what it takes to be a father. Some men don't. Just take what you can get (namely child support and maybe some help with the kids) and leave. I wish you the best.


Mommy - May 16

I'm not saying that this will work for you but it helped me. My DH thought that he was going to start the whole leaving me with all the responsibility and going on his merry way act until I set him straight. I told him that he could go do as he pleases, but either he is going to be a devoted dad or not a dad at all. I told him that I would make it on my own and that I keep him around because I love him, not because I need him. He knew I was serious when he went to the movies one day and came back and I had the ring he gave me, all the videos we bought together and everything else he bought me in a box. Then I called him and told him to come get it. After staying away for a few days, he realized what was more important and started acting right. Just make sure he knows you want all or nothing. You and your baby are not toys he can bring out when he wants to play then put away when he find something else to do. You and baby are worth his time and energy and money. Let him know that either he can stick around and support you the right way, or you can go after child support and he can still have financial obligation but miss out on what matters. If not, you will always find someone who is adult enough to love you and your kids. It's really his loss. Good luck.


gracie - May 16

I really appriciate everyones kind words, and even not so kind ones. I know I have made some serious mistakes, and I do take responsibility for these, I know life will be much harder. It is true that I wanted this second baby for selfish reasons, I can not deny that. Although as I got pregnant about 5 months after first, I do believe at least some of my thinking was flawed with hormones and I wish I could have been smarter and seen a councelor to discuss or at least my doctor. He is however working right now and has put me and the baby under his insurance, but everytime we argue he threatens to remove it. As I am due for a csection this scares the c___p out of me as this would deplete all our savings. Right now I am trying to just coast along with him and not argue and so he will continue to pay the bills and keep the insurance on us. At least till after the baby is born and I can think more clearly. I dont know about the rest of you, but at 8 months preggo I am an emotional mess. I so want to be a good mom and take to heart what one of you said about bringing a baby into a broken home. I wish I had done things differently, however now that she is here, in me, I couldnt imagine not having her. Its a tough situation and I relize and accept my blame in it. thanks for all responces. grace


Emma2 - May 16

Grace, don't be so hard on yourself . We all make stupid choices sometimes! Broken home doesnt mean your child will not be normal and life a healthy life. It all depends on you! You will be fine and so will your baby girl. Do not listen to some of the little meanies in here especially the one who responded to your thread because she never has anything good to say and she is quite inconsiderate. I actually poor tasted her disgusting reply. I wish you best of luck and have a beautiful baby!


LL - May 16

hannahbaby, I respect your opinion and everyone is ent_tled to one. I don't think everyone else is sugar coating their responses it's just that different people have different personalities and different ways they approach others and situations they might be in. You seem to have a strong personality and say what you think and there's nothing wrong with that, although you have got to realize that not everyone is like you so it hits other people in different ways. I just recently went through "personality type" training at work and it's amazing how many different personalities and approaches their are to deal with the different types of people you encounter. Just sharing my thoughts....not trying to continue the argument.


HannahBaby - May 16

i hear ya LL, everyone does have different personalities, Its funny because you meet people on here that you prolly would clash with in real life but are good friends over the internet. I sympthasize with people and feel for people but am also realisitic. Like in this case, I feel bad that the husband is such a jerk and mooching off of his woman, so every one is sideing with her. HOWEVER she did admit that she got pregnant on purpose knowing that her husband didnt want another baby, and knowing that he has no job or inspiration to get a job. Alot of people didnt address that in their responses, and i did. Im really not a bad person as emma thinks, I just have strong opinions and views.


gracie - May 17

Hi all, I actually agree with hannah on her overall thoughts. I know that if I was to just read this post, that is unfortuanatly my life at the moment, I would also feel that the person writing it made her own bed so to speak. One thing that surprises me is that I am in such a situation. I dont know about everyone else, but I somehow always thought things would just work out or be okay. It has been an eye opener for me to relize and accept the consequences of my actions and of my husbands. As sad as it sounds, even when I ended up pregnant again I stupidly hoped everything would just work out. Its so stupid as in the business world I would never have acted so stupidly however in my love life I am apparently a complete disaster. Hannah hasnt said anything that isnt true or that I myself dont agree with, however I emailed to find some people who may have been or behaved as stupid as me in their love lifes, but were able to pull together and raise their kids. I wrote honestly what wrongs I did, as I want honest advise and I appriciate everyone who has written and still writes about this. thank you.. grace


HannahBaby - May 17

The best advice that i can give you is to put your children first. If you can work things out with your husband, great. But now that you have a daughter that you have to teach to be an independent woman, you dont want someone like your husband hanging around if he cant/wont change. I think that you sound like a teriffic mother and i wish you the best of luck in the future. (ps. Emma just doesnt like me, sorry she jumped your thread)


Tjane - May 18

You have been given Great advice on here and I just wanted to add one thing. Unless you and your husband have a "qualifying status change" in the eyes of the irs he CAN NOT just drop you off of his insurance. I work for a major health insurance company and people can not just call in and drop you off of their insurance. This is an IRS guideline, not a company policy, The only qualifying event that would allow him to remove you as his spouse off of his insurance would be if you were to get divorced, unless you are finally divorced (not even seperated) he can not drop you off of the insurance unless its during the open enrollment period that is usually held in October or November, Next time he threatens tell him to call and try it!!! and on a personal note... What a jerk!!! I hope this helps... also you can go to ....www.laborlawtalk.com and ask law questions, there are helpful and educated people there that really do care.......


pinkbo0tlace - June 17

girl, your better than that. your a beautiful, nurturing women whom DESERVES to be treated a hell of a lot better :D Kick him in the b___t.


sunshyne9 - July 4

Hey Gracie... its sad to know what a situation your in and being almost ready to give birth. maybe you should jsut give it time to heal. I mean wait and see if he's gonna come around to see his kids and be there and suppor tyou.. I thught the same way as you i was married for 4 years when I got separated, we had a 4 year old daughter together.. she's now 6, but I thought I would never find anyone to be with or have a 2nd child with, which I deeply wanted. I was gonna ask him to have another child with me and I would take nothing from him.. but instead I went against it.. We are now getting divorced and im 20 w pregneat with my 2nd with someone I love with all my heart. Nothing you can do about it now, but I know why you did it and what was going through your mind.. Hope everything works out for the best for everyone..


funblonde - July 10

god i feel lthe same way u do, i am 23 and am 6 weeks pregnant by a friend/ kinda bf , and have had 2 abortions and 1 miscarriage i know bad right. I feel like no guy will ever want me now in the future def not one my age, if i keep the child but screw men they suck anyways im keeping it thanks to my friends and family supporting me, good luck to u as well u made the right choice.


Lorena1980 - July 18

gracie you need to leave that idiot he can't even take care of his own kids. to me that sounds like a bum. you won't be alone, you'll find someone worth being a daddy


Emma2 - July 18

People Gracie has not been here since MAY...read the posts and the dates.



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