I Just Need To Vent Afraid This Will Cause Him To Leave

5 Replies
Laci - February 2

i put this in first trimester but im not getting very much support.Ok my boyfried and i live together and have a joint checking account. well since we found out we are pregnant i have been doing everything i can to save money for the baby (we dont make much) and were living with my parents to help save. but today when i got online to look at how much money we have saved i saw that in the past 2 week my boyfriedn has spent almost $70 on starbucks alone, not to mention Panda Express like every 4 days, Cigeretts (he said he quit), quizno subs, what ever he got at Best Buy and god knows what else. we have had the money talk several times and each time i am very patient and i try to be understanding, and every time he says he will stop spending money on usless things and save it for our baby, but he never does. then today when i asked him about it he got all p___sed at me and ended up hanging up on me. i never even got an att_tude or raised my voice, and he got p___sed. i feel like i am the only one that wants to give our child everything it needs, and it is so stressfull expecially at 12 weeks pregnant. i dont know what else i am supposed to do. am i overreacting? please give me some advice or imput. thank you for letting me vent.


K - February 2

Laci, you are right to want to save as much as possible for expenses, they add up fast! This is one thing you don't want to let slide, or tell yourself you'll deal with it later, later always comes MUCH faster than you ever imagined it would, and you don't want to be stuck in a bad financial situation when baby gets here. I know everyone will say try and reason with him, get him involved in the saving plan, etc. That would be great, if it would work! Unfortunately, sometimes men(and women of course!)just don't save money very easily. I know it sounds underhanded and sneaky, but have you considered a separate account? You could make it sound non-judgemental against him, say something like you thought it would be neat to have a "baby account", one that's just for baby's needs, that you each contribute so much to every week, two weeks, whatever. Tell him it would keep the need for savings separate from regular spending money, so there is no confusion about how much has been saved up and also no confusion about how much of the extra in checking is for everyday spending. Since it's still early you could even consider looking in to a special account that has higher interest rate pay outs than regular checking or savings. This would also keep that money separate and not easily accessable. I found this was best for me, if I keep all our money in checking, that debit card can eat away at it real quick! Now I have two other accounts, and I use one for household expenses and bills, one for everyday spending, and one just for savings. I was surprised to see that savings balance go up pretty quick, it's not so easy to spend it if you don't have a debit card with you at all times for the account! Anyway, hope this helps, good luck!


Laci - February 2

Thank you so much. that is GREAT advice. i think that would really help. i printed out all of the transactions in a month and highlited all of the unneeded transactions that he made , so maybe that way he can see exactly how much his little $ problem is costing us. Thank you so much for that advice. i think it will help us alot.


bean - February 3

Laci - I agree with K's advice, and I also suggest writing out a monthly budget. Write down how much rent costs you (even though you're living with your parents, you probably chip in for some things), food (grocery store), and utilities, any car expenses (including gas), insurance, health care, "other stuff" (like cosmetics, toilet paper, etc). You both should do this together, and I guarantee it will be hard. You may honestly have no clue how much you spend on, for example, shampoo, monthly. But just guess and estimate, and then the following month, every penny you spend write down under one of these columns. You'll have to adjust some of your budget when you realize some things cost a lot more or a lot less than you thought. Then, of course, add what I call a "fun" category. Fun is anything that you DON'T NEED - like food out, cigarettes, movie rentals, etc. You both have to agree on how much "fun money" you get a month. Once it's spent, that's it! Subtract all those items from your monthly income, and see if there's anything left over for a baby saving account. If not, you may have to try to cut back on some of the items (like "fun" or maybe gas for the car). Stick with a budget, not just before the baby, but for the long term, and trust me, soon you'll find yourself saving for a new car, a house, etc. But most importantly, this has to be something you do together, and agree upon together. If he says no, or won't do it, go to Plan B - K's idea of having a "secret" baby savings account.


Laci - February 3

Thank you so much for your support and great ideas. i am going to talk to him tonight, ill let yall know how it goes.


krc - February 3

I agree with Bean on the " fun money " . My ex couldn't save a red cent. I could even make him lunch, he'd take it to work and still eat out and throw away what I made him !!! You dont realize buying lunch, a pack of smokes, coffee can get expensive because at the time it doesn't seem much. $3 here, $8 there seems harmless but when you do it daily it adds up at the end of the week. I forced myself into the habit of always cooking an extra portion of dinner so I can have lunch the next day but guys dont always have that option. And most men don't wanna wait at the microwave heating up last nights leftover when the other guys are getting a huge yummy sub with a large coke!!! Thats gonna be a habit I dont think you can break him of. I tried for 3 years and finally gave up. I really like the fun money idea. That way he has to watch how much he's spending and so what if he spends it all by wednesday. Tell him he must learn to budget. I also realized when you have a man like that it's no use talking to him much. It's up to you to take charge of the situation and find a solution that works well for both. When my ex and I decided not to share our money but get separate accounts it made no difference. He would spend more money than he should've and ended up causing us to be behind on our bills and causing his account to overdraft ALL THE TIME !! Some men have no clue about financial responsibility. I hope yours does.



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