I Just Want To Do The Right Thing

5 Replies
AutumnRose - December 19

To make a long story short, I am 21 and pregnant. The father and I ended our romantic relationship but continued to fool around once in a while. We are still close friends and he is supportive of whatever decision I choose. However, the plot thickens... he has been in and out of a relationship with a married woman who is 22 and now 5 months pregnant. This girl has come forward to name him as the father of her baby and wants to leave her husband. He is more than happy to accpet responsibility for his child. This was all before I found out that I was pregnant. The father now knows I am pregnant. The girlfriend does not. I want to keep my baby because I can't stand the thought of abortion. I had safe s_x, used birth control, and still somehow this happened. I believe in God and I believe that things happen for a reason. I do not want to kill my baby. But, I am 21 years old and have only a little bit of college education. I work in a Law Office as a file clerk and make abou 18,000 a year. I have health insurance that is covered by my job that pays for all dr visits. Im pretty covered until I have the baby. The father says he will support me in any decision I choose but reminds me that he will already have one child to care for. I do not want to put a further strain on him yet I don't know how to do this on my own. If I can find a way to raise the child myself, I will. I dont want to have an abortion yet I don't know if I can give my baby the life it deserves. Adoption isn't an option for me. I know i wont be able to give my baby up. And I have an older sister who says she would raise it as her own (she lives in another state and has a better income, a house, a husband and 3 children and can afford to raise a child) but I'd have to forever be Aunt Connie. I don't want to be selfish. i don't want to kill my baby. I don't want to lose my baby. I guess I am asking for encouragment? To know that I can find a way to make it work for me and my baby. I know I will be a good mom, I have worked in childcare for years in the past and my life's goal was always to one day be a good mother. I'm just worried about finances.


Grandpa Viv - December 21

The Aunt Connie route seems like a practical suggestion. You might be able to fiind a job in that town so that you could be more a part of the family. Where have your parents gone? The father is giving you signals that while he might be moral support, he is not likely to be much financial help. It would be difficult to be a good mom if you were surviving on $18,000 with no support system. Sorry I can't offer more encouragement than that. Good luck!


Krissy25 - December 22

Honestly I'm not sure if giving your child to your sister is a very good idea. It's like you said, you will forever be Aunt Connie. You might want to think about how you would feel seeing your child call your sister mom, running to her and not you when she has a boo boo, watching your sister discipline your child when he/she does something wrong. I know you said she lives in another state but i'm sure you would visit as often as you could. And while you may plan for this to be a temporary thing your sister could grow very attached to your child and end up fighting you in court for custody. If you really don't think adoption or aborton are choices you can make I urge you to do whatever you can to make it work. Maybe it means trying to find a job where your sister lives and seeiing if she can help with babysitting or looking into what you are eligable for as far as govenment aid, and i know you said your child's father is already going to be taking care of a baby but that doesn't mean it gives him a free pa__s on this one. He is still responsible for that child and i would let him know that if he won't make a reasonable controbution each month you will be taking him to court and getting it that way. Good luck to you, I understand this is very hard but things usually do have a way of working themselves out in the end.


gummibear - December 25

*BIG HUG* You said you don't know if you can give your child the life it deserves - but that's just it, what it deserves - it deserves a chance at life. I'm not against abortion per se, and think it's a personal choice, but what I see in your post is - you're willing, you have FAITH, and you're looking for hope. What's standing in your way is something that is a practical concern, but something that you know deep down God can easily work around. If you didn't know it in your heart, you wouldn't have posted what you did. I think you just need a reminder. Don't give up your child - and don't abort him/her either - have faith, and God will provide. Its easy for us to read in the Bible about God making mana rain down on people in the desert, nod and forget that He can make job opportunities or other financial support provisions appear for us. Being single and pregnant - its not what He wanted for us. It's why we're not supposed to have premarital s_x - the natural consequence to our sin is hardship, and He doesn't want us to suffer that. But He also gives us children as blessings, and loves us as His children, despite our sins. You said you want to know whether YOU can find a way to make it work. But the issue is whether you can know that HE can (and will) find a way - and not just any old way, but His way, the best way, for you and your baby. He will take care of us, if we only have faith in Him. Money comes and goes, but babies - gifts from God - are priceless. *hugs*


Tayeana - December 27

Hey...like someone already mentioned, you already know what you have to do...just do it! People find a way all the time. Think of all the poor people that don't even have jobs that make a life for their babies. I'm in a somewhat similar situation, where i am not "ready" to have a baby...it's what i had planned for...but...I'm not willing to have an abortion either so I'm just going to have to step it up! Ask for help where i can and get ready for the hard road ahead. At least we aren't homeless :) p.s. make that baby daddy pay! You didn't lie down alone! Even though you may feel guilty, but it's not about guilt...it's about what's right!


gummibear - December 29

I hope I didn't come across as offensively preachy - if I did, I didn't mean to. Also, i'd like to point out that it's not selfish to keep your baby. My SO's mom sent him to her sister across-country when he was little, for financial reasons, relinquishing all custody rights. His aunt was also better situated, with husband, children, and house. One day my SO woke up and decided that the real reason was that he was unwanted. He stayed away from ALL of them for 12 years, until I got pregnant and pushed him to resume contact. Before I met his mom, I viewed her decision as a very selfish one. It was selfish of her not to try harder to keep him close, to deprive him of the chance to grow up with his real mom and/or dad. She's so sorry about it, it's hard (for me) to stay mad at her - but then, she's not MY mom, and i'm not the one she let go. If you gave your child to your sister and (s)he found out you were the real mother (and these things have a way of coming out eventually), i wouldn't expect your child to understand. try putting yourself in your child's shoes, finding out the truth later in life. it's unlikely to go over well. also, you're 21 and have some college education - you're not 14, unemployed, in a third world country - and you have health insurance! start counting your blessings dear... let us know what you ultimately decide...



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