I M Sorry

56 Replies
E-rock - January 23

I'm sorry this is going to be bad...... First this whole section on this site makes me sick you young ladies are only perpetuating the cycle stop blaming the man for all your problems and unless you got raped you made a choice weather or not to have s_x just once i would love for a woman no matter how her man has treated step up and say yes i made the mistake TOO now the only difference is, is att_tude yours and his. For aslong as you hold the bitterness in your heart how are you in any better shape than him.......being male i'm probably not wanted on this particular venue, however i'm actually opposite from all of you ladies. My girlfriend and i were together for 2 years and now she is pregnant, and is trying to get my right invoulantarly removed. Like every relationship you tell your partner everything b/c you want to be connected on the highest level of knowing each others thoughts. Well seeing that my ex knows everything about me she is using things i told her 4 months before she got pregnant to get full custody. She is also trying to use my family past against me as well has my past. I've done everything i know how to. I love her with all my heart and i would love to marry her and be ther for her. She is the only woman i've truely loved. And now she is taking the love of my life away and the child as well. Sadly her parents hate me and i feel they are manipulating her into all of this. But i am also trying to prove that i am trust worthy. I am working two jobs, and taking infant care and infant cpr classes. Just so when i go to court i can at LEAST have visitation. It's wrong fro a baby to grow up with out both parents. If by some weird fluke i end up with full custody which most likely won't happen i'm going to ask the judge how i can work this out so that my ex and i can both be apart of the childs life, even if my ex still hates me i know it's wrong for me to harbor anomosity towards her b/c i made the choice as well as she did. So ladies yes i know guys can be pigs and all the other stuff but remeber there are guys who still want to be apart yours and a childs life so don't discredit all based upon your bad experinces. I want to be a dad I want to be the father like mine was to me. And when i read of of ya'lls messages i hurt for you all and i weep (literally) b/c all of you want men who will be there for you and none will. I want to be there for my child but right now i can't. I want to read to it at night and kiss my ex's belly and be at all the doctors visits and do what a father is to do. Sorry if this offends i've just read to much and gotten so upset.


goosifer101 - January 23

O.K. Here is my first point. You judge us on here saying that you think we are all young ladies who blame the man for all of our problems. So, you are a__suming that is all of our situations, yet you don't want us to judge you thinking you are like all men. How is that fair? Yes, I am single and pregnant. But, for one, I am not young and two I don't BLAME my ex for all my problems. I admit obviously that I shouldn't have been pregnant by him. He is a horrible person and I will not let him in my childs life for my childs own good, but I do not by any means think all men are like that. Its great that you want to be involved in your childs life and if you really are a decent person, I hope you can be. But, before judging us, please remember that all men are not like you. For a lot of the people here, the men have made it very clear that they don't want anything to do with them. Or, like my case, they made a mistake and got pregnant by the wrong guy. This is a support forum and people in these situations deserve support no matter what. You shouldn't come on here and start bad mouthing us for our mistakes or otherwise. We are all trying to make this work with or without support from a man and we don't need your critisizm. We are trying.


E-rock - January 23

honestly i don't mean to judge it really pains me to see so much selfishness on both sides to whatever extent. I'm just in a tender spot like all of you and I am being blamed for all that has happened. I've just read almost all the questions on the single and pregnant and help for new dads and i'm at a loss really. I was generalizing since most don't actually put how old they are. That is my fault. The question that keeps coming up is if he was such a horrible person why would you even have had s_x with him. That's the biggest question b/c my girlfriend is claiming that i'm a horrible person but why did she stay with me for two years and have been having s_x for a year and a half? How does that makes sense. I guess i'm looking for support too. Just don't really know what else to do. And my last thought....why should you get the decision to keep your child away from his/her father.....I'm a Christian actually a senior in bible college studying to be a youth minister...Yes i know Christian? got a girl pregnant? they don't add up but i'm human. that's why we have Christ. God is over all of us so no matter what happens, it is God's choice and not yours what happens to that child.


ShaunaLeigh - January 23

Wooo you did read a lot but i dont ever sit here & say it's all his fault... EVER... just wish he would man up, is my thang & then i come on here & see a guy who wants to be part of his baby's life & the woman won't let him, ive seen that so many times... & often sit & ask myself why she would do that when you have woman out there like me who want the dad's in their kid's lifes... I guess different strokes for different folks but IM suree if you are as great as you seem in this message you've left.. the judge will see that you are fit father & good person & will at least give you partial custody cuz you have as much rights as she does... no offence to her, i know you love her!! Just hope it all works out, these gurls dont understand that they are hurting their children the most in the lonnnng run! ne ways take care & I hope all works out for you


ShaunaLeigh - January 23

GOOSIFER101... you got it right on the money for me... it's not that i CHOOSE him purposely to be my baby's daddy NOR did i think he would behave this way... threatenin me that if i do anything to prove it's his ima be hurt & shot... & beat up... w/e... & nor did i think he would say i was bein a "whore" as he so adamantly calls me... so why would i sit here & be all like well it's all my fault, hell NOO... i know i shouldnt have slept with him but as you pointed out EROCK... IM HUMANN!!! I made a mistake but life goes on & my baby will not be the brunt of that cuz this innocent child did NOT ask to be brought into this hateful world so ima do what i do... & yes be a single mom of THREE kids... all 5 & under... but whom got every inch of my heart... & deserve it more than any man... or at least the ones that ive my encounters with... :) Im not a man basher... just not out to get hurt again... these walls have caved too many times... its time to protect # 1... & thats my children & myself... anyways im ravin, im done! HAHA


E-rock - January 23

Hey, I'm not angry at anyone....I was just getting my opinion out there. So please don't think i'm doing this out of my anger more so out of my pain. And *ShaunaLeigh* i'm sorry that the guy is a jerk but *jjb* is right we can all be insensitive. I don't claim to know everyones circ_mstance i just go by what i read. But like i said ealier....what seperates us from those people is how we respond to thier alligations, threats, etc....I'm not trying to offend just getting more information from a womens point of view b/c that is why men have women and women have men. We were made to be with each other b/c both s_xes bring something to the table the other one does not have. I just don't know what to think and thank you all for being civil. By the way i did mention that guys can be pigs and every other word in the book.


goosifer101 - January 23

You did make it seem like you were posting this out of anger when you started off saying this site makes you sick. But, you have explained your situation and I think we can all talk about this civily. You asked me two things, why would I have s_x with a horrible person and why would I keep him out of my childs life. When I was dating this guy, he was trying to improve his life. I was helping him, buying him clothes, found him a job, etc. And I really thought at the time that he would get it together. And he did for a while. But then I accidentally got pregnant. Like what happens to alot of women on here, he changed. He stopped working. He blamed me for all his problems. When I thought at one point that I was going to lose my job his solution was to go on welfare, not for him to get a full time job. So, after alot of little things, I kicked him out. My intentions for kicking him out were for him to get his life together on his own without the burden of me or my child and prove to me that he wanted to make himself a better person. Well, two months later he is living with his ex girlfriend. They had two kids together that then got put into foster care. She has three other children that she has no custody of. They are both back to their old bad habits, every ounce of improvement that he made is gone out the door. He has never tried to contact me since to see how the pregnancy is except to ask for money three times. So, I have decided that he is not a stable environment for my child. I am not dumb. I have a successfull career. My own home, car, etc. I do not need his support financially and he isn't giving it emotionally (I never lost my job). I just somehow ended up with the wrong guy and made a mistake. Unfortunately, it can happen unless you practice abstinence. If he straightens his life around and proves that he will be a good person for my child, than sure I would be happy to then let him be involved. But not untill then. And I will not be collecting child support from him either. That wouldn't be fair from me. As far as you are concerned, you seem to be doing all the right steps to see your child. If you are doing everything you say you are then you shouldn't have anything to worry about when you go to court. If this child is worth it to you then you will be willing to do whatever it takes to be a part of its life and I am sure you will be able to make it happen. Just don't give up. I know that if my ex would have shown that much interest, I probably would be in a different situation right now. You also made a good point. You said you are christian studying to be a youth minister. People probably do wonder how you could get a girl pregnant out of wedlock and you said you are humand and we all make mistakes. My advice to you is to remember that when you are wondering about our situations on here. I doubt any of us wanted to be in these situations.


ShaunaLeigh - January 23

Goosifer i couldnt have said that any better myself! Ur right, not like this is the life's we ordered but it's certainly something we've learnt to accept & move on with! I would want nothing more than to see this guy man up & take responsibility for his actions - i obviously have, ive decided to keep my baby rather than use abortion as a form of birth control.. & if he could man up & be a positive point in my child's life... I'd love nothin more than to see that happen :) My other two boys... their father is there for them... & it's gonna be hard havin a third child who's father doesnt want anything to with him/ her... but life goes on... & everything happens for the reason... not sure the reason right yet.. but it happened.


E-rock - January 24

All i know is if i was the father in any of these situations i would never turn my back on the child. Now honestly i don't think anyone should have the say so in revoking the rights of father or mother. But we live in sick a twisted world where people can't get along. Court is not a way to settele any of these things. But *lier* all i can say is if the father wants to be apart of the childs life ( i have read alot of your posts and it's gone back and forth between his feelings) but he doesn't want to be apart of yours then you shouldn't punish that child. There are supervised visitations for parents and children. So you really wouldn't be subjecting your child to his ways. In my opinion after the child is old enough let him/her make that decision. And *lier* you have actually had conversations with my ex Sarah Coco...i'm not trying to spy on her i just want to know how everything is going on in her life as far as the pregnancy goes I found this site through some searches b/c i want to know what s_x the baby is so i can start shopping. I want to be everything a father is and more. So with that being said draw what ever conclusion you want of me. And i understand where loyalties lie. I really wish i could slap all the guys that have been mentioned. I just hurt like you ladies. It's weird i've gotten more support in this forum then in help for new dads. I'm sorry that men can be evil and i'm sorry that you all have to do what you are doing. By the way i have no reason to lie to any of you so please don't think I'm on here just to get brownie points. I wish i was still in school it's all i've wanted was to graduate and marry my ex....unfortuantly given the circ_mstances i got booted from school for a semster and i only have one year left (crossing my fingers). God has given me this as a test of faith in my opion and whether or not we all believe in the same god, i pray for each and everyone of you. Good night all


ShaunaLeigh - January 24

EROCK.. i as well wish that this baby's daddy was half the way you are... but this stuff happens & it'll be HIS loss in teh end, not my childs cuz i got enuff love for it & for my other two boys... <3 & lots of family to give them some too! So all will work out in the end... cuz right now im hurtin but in the end... it'll be him.,


hello - January 25

E rock, i am sorry you are going thru the same thing we are... Being hurt by an ex. Your comments were very strong and full of pain... My daughters dad is many things but i am glad we did not have to go to court and could do it all amicably... I am sorry she is doing this to you. I do believe noone has the right to stop one parent from seeing a child unless they are a danger to that child.... She cannot stop you from being a part of your childs life. I have learnt that the men have alot of rights and she will find that out in court... You will be able to see your baby but you will waste court time because she is unreasonable to find that out......You have not said why she did this to you. If you said she is on this site then yes you are spying... You are stalking to a small degree, not allowing her freedom on the net even..... Why does she want nothing to do with you? Why does she deem you to not be worthy of being a father? Please answer so we can understand......


E-rock - January 25

Actually hello, I have said but i have not given any specifics. I will give them a little further down. And I am not stalking. I looked it up in the Laws of Texas and in no way is me finding her on this site or even posting on this site stalking. I went looking for the site to get information on the baby and for my lawyer. Since we have the 1st admendment and this is a public domain. Everything that i have told you would have to have been directed towards her and she has not posted anything on this site since Nov. Now the issue at hand. First i have insomnia so I have prescribed medicines to help me sleep and she thinks I am popping pills, second since I am a believer in the spiritual life i believe at times in our lives those things can effect us. And one night i was dealing with the darker side of this and said some disturbing things. But the funny thing is, is my ex stayed and prayed with me told me she loved me and that she would stick by my side(well were is she now). so she is trying to get me on the ground of pyschologically unable to take care of a child. And third has to do with family histroy that she only knows about 1/4 of and she thinks she knows what's going on but really she has only scratched the surface. So there you have it. I told her things that i wouldn't even tell my best friend. We had made plans on getting married after school but then she got pregnant before we graduated so now she is doing this for whatever reason. I'm just really confused but i must thank you all for just lending me an ear it has been nice to get female support (beides that of my family) and who are going through something similar.


ShaunaLeigh - January 28

yeaa well i agree... ur rights shouldnt be taken away, i only wish my baby's daddy was half as sensible as you! Good luck in ur journey...


E-rock - January 28

Thanks!!!! Well by my calc. my ex is 19 weeks pregnant and soon(hopefully) if her lawyer will EVER get in touch with my lawyer i will know the s_x of the baby. I have retained my lawyer for about a month now, and my ex's lawyer has not gotten back with my lawyer with any info except a 2 min (literally) phone call saying he would have to talk to his client. I can't wait our baby is going to be the best dressed out of any other baby. My Grandmother is also really excited and as soon as we know the s_x she is going to start making a blaket. I can also start decorating my room. I also have a basenet that is at my parents house. All my friends tease me about getting a girl pregnant but I don't care I get to know the joys of being a father. I CAN'T WAIT. Just like you guys i have my good days and bad. However when i think of my little one I get so excited. If it's a boy i get to teach him all the coo stuff and a girl she will be a princess worthy of all the jewels that i poses. Well almost time to go to work you ladies and any gentlemen who reads this have a good night.


123abc - February 4

E-rock - I really gotta give u a credit for trying to be part of this unborn child's life.. I come to this site to see what other opinions are of single mothers, as i'm in a situation that's sort of similar to yours... i'm not a single mother, but my husband has a child as a result of a one night stand.. Now this is a really painful topic for me and forgive me, but i feel such resentment for this woman... this baby girl will be 3 years old in may, and this woman will not let him see the child. He has never MET his child.. we pay child support, but lucky for her, the privacy laws do not give us any information.. she moved to a different city, changed her address, we cannot find her even through courts.. but yet somehow she gets child support payments.. how messed up is that... she's on welfare and has been since the baby was born.. meanwhile, we are wanting to provide for this baby, save for her school, but we can't do any of this stuff because he's not on her birth certificate... What p__ses me off is sometimes (not a case with all ladies, and i'm sure this will stir things up), but i hate when women get pregnant just because they want a baby because she told him that she was on birth control and they did use protection.. but as we all know, accidents happen and as a result this child was born.... but who is she to hide this baby from him and disappear??? the only contact we had with her was through social services and her social worker told us that she will let the child decide whether or not she wants to know her father... how the heck can a child decide when they don't know where their daddy is and that he even exists?? I cannot wait to locate this woman, and i'm sure one day we will and tell her what I really think of her... i feel so bad as this happened before we met, but i've known about it from day one and it bothers me so much that sometimes i will lose sleep over it.. every time i see a little girl it makes my heart ache that we cannot do anything for his baby... anyways, this was my vent, i totally agree that not all guys are the same as i watch my hubby suffer every day and think about her every day... and we all have to remember that whatever differences you've had with your exes, it all comes down to your CHILD.. They deserve to know their father and I have read that children that grow up in single homes have a higher chance of getting pregnant while young, have problems later on in life (this is not a knock on anybody), just proves a point that children need both parents in their lives.. I'm sick of women deciding that they don't want their ex's to be part of their child's life for whatever reason... A child has a right and that is to know both parents and no woman (or man) has a right to deny other parent from knowing/seeing their own child... anyways, that's my rant for the day... e-rock let us know how it goes and i hope your lawyer is able to do something for you... I would even go as far as getting a dna test when this baby comes and go to court right away before she runs away on you, cuz it sounds like she might do something like that... I wish we had done that when we knew her address and we could've served her with doc_ments, but we were not in a financial position to do so... it's been 2 years of hell now and it's still going on.. I almost feel like going door to door where she lives and ask people if they know her... but i believe in karma and it'll come back to her one way or the other.. i just hope my husband daughter is not suffering..


springbaby - February 4

Erock I read only your first entry and had to respond. I think your frustration is only out of your situation. As far as I have been on this site and readin some stories, I dont see a lot of male bashing in the since of stereotyping men. Each young lady has explained there situation withough lumping all men in the same category. You happen to be one of few males that I have read about that want to be in their childs life. My situation, I was with my mate for 4 years, got pregnant, and then he decided he wanted to leave because he had more " important" life issues to deal with. Bein married doesnt make a difference because a person can still walk away if he/she chooses to. Thats my story. I do take responsibility for my actions. and I am not saying all men are pigs, but I certainly wont force my child to be with a father that expresses no interest and shows anymosity. Kids do pickup on that from an early age. It may do more harm than good. My first priority is my child and I will not sacrifice his potential happiness for anything or anyone. I hope your situation is resolved positively but please dont judge us. We are looking to each other for support to know we are not alone but we are taking on the responsibility of raising our unborn child alone regardless of any thing that may come. Much love to all of you single and pregnant women.


goosifer101 - February 5

123ABC: I sympathize with your istuation. But, please remember that there are situations where either 1) the father wants nothing to do with the baby or 2) the father proves unfit to be around the baby. That is my situation. I would love for the father to be stable enough to be a part of my childs life, but unfortunately he isn't and I can't risk my childs well being. I hope that one day he turns his life around and is, but untill then, my child will not be part of his life. And that is a decision I made myself, and I am glad that I am able to. But, as I said on here before, I also don't think it would be fair of me to ask him to pay child support, and I am not. So, in my case my child will grow up to be a wonderfull person in a Single Parent Home. Much better than if he were to be around his father.



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