Is It Too Early To Date

9 Replies
dew - November 17

OK, so my baby's father left me for his now girl friend and doesn't really bother with me. by the way I'm 8 1/2 months and I've been on my own through this entire pregnancy. I tried and tried in the beginning to make him come back and be a family, but he's not interested. So I spend the last few months getting over him. I didn't want my love for him to be an issue when my son arrives so I got out all my tears and I'm even in counciling to be sure that I am strong enouph to be the best mom I can be. My councilor believes that I'm more than ready (mentally and emotionaly) to be a great mom and so do I. But the other night I was at my bestfriend's mom's wedding. On my way out I saw an old friend. This is a man that I have been friends with for 10 years but have not seen him since I've been pregnant. We exchanged numbers and have talked on the phone. He wants to spend time with me but I'm wondering if it's tacky to spend time with someone when I'm pregnant with someone elses baby. Please don't judge me, I just want some advise.


backspace - November 17

it's not tacky , nothing wrong with it . sounds like all is going fairly well just be sure both men know where they stand . Good wishes and Best Wishes.


Alisha - November 17

That doesn't seem tacky.


anita - November 17

no, it's not bad at all. it actually sounds like a good omen to me. i'd go for it! good luck! :o)


dew - November 17

thanks ladies. But what if he wants to go further? I'm so nervous! I haven't even had a civil conversation with a man since I conceived my son. I have to admit, I'm very scared.


dew (again) - November 17

I have always had "the hots" for this guy and during a time when I'm feeling so insecure and unattractive, it's nice to have someone tell me I'm beautiful, especially someone that knew me before I got pregnant. He's 4 years older than me (28) and he's an admirable man. The entire time we have been friends one of us always had a mate, but now we are both single and he's making hints about us being older and wiser than we were when we met. A large part of me wants to go for it, but there is this small part that still loves my baby's father (I'm stupid huh) and there is another part that is fearful of ever being vulnerable again. That part is telling me to only be loyal to my son, because he can't break my heart the way his father did. I don't think I'll ever give myself the way I did before, I don't want to lose a friendship over my inability to trust a man. ooooooooooh! Life is so complicated sometime! The only thing I've been sure of in a long time is my baby, thank god for him.


backspace - November 18

you could always start out by keeping it simple wihout lying about your feelings ie just hang out with your old friend but don't dismiss the topic of the father . How much you care about the father , his name , or any feelings you have is not up for discussion . Just what you said here is all he should know ( the babies father doesn't want any part of it ) Time will fill the gaps missing by the father or the old friend . Just hang out accordingly without pulling or leading anyone on .


amapolitamomma - November 18

No, don't worry about it. To be a good mother, you also have to make yourself happy and take care of your own needs. Feelings of loneliness and need, or shame about moving on, can rub off on your baby and shape his/her personality, even in the womb. Be happy, taking care of your soul is also taking care of your baby's soul. Just don't let relationships get in the way of mothering. My sister has 2 young sons and currently has a stable, live-in boyfried who is a wonderful father figure to her sons and loves them very much. In the past, however, she has made some poor choices in the men she dates. She let her sons become attached to these men, sometimes even letting them call the men "dad". In the end, when the men left, my nephews were crushed, it was like losing their father over and over again. They will never be the same, but have healed and are trusting of her new, kind boyfriend, I don't think they will ever trust him enough to call him "dad" though.


ss - November 19

i say go for it. I think its a good omen as well.


April - November 19

My best friends sister-in-law got married 3 months after she had her baby... to a guy that wasn't the father. haha. They're very happy though, so hey just go with your gut. If a big part of you is saying "go for it" then go for it!!



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