7 Replies
Kim - September 12

Im not quite sure how to ask this question, but im looking for some advice. I had a one-night fling with a friend, we got caught up in the moment of it all, and didnt' use any protection. I know, my bad. But anyway, I am now 18 weeks pregnant, and not sure if ive made the right choice. Im 24 years old, have been through college, and have a full-time career, Im settled in my life. People tell me that the only thing I was missing was a husband/partner and a baby. Well now im having a baby without a partner. Am i being selfish for wanting to keep this child? And am I being selfish for wanting the father to be a part of this child's life?


Heather - September 12

What you are doing is not selfish in any way. There are not too many that are really planned anymore and we have to do the best we can. If you want the baby then do it and if you want the dad and he is willing to be part of the babys life then great. There are not too many men out there that want to look after kids anymore. I am having my second with a second guy sounds bad but thought this one was ready to settle down we are going to raise the child together even though we are not together anymore. There is no shame or selfishness is being a single parent.


Genie - September 14

I know how you are feeling I am having the same dilemma. I have no clue how I am going to tell people. Specially after I broke my engagement from a 4 year long term relationship. Now I am having a baby with a guy I just met and there is no future between us. Never felt so low in my life but i really choose the baby over any other option.


Viv - September 15

One third of all babies born in the USA are to unmarried mothers. In the black community it is over two thirds. About 40% of those babies go home to a two parent family that is cohabiting. Cohabiting couples have a bigger chance of splitting before the end of three years than do married people, but the gap is narrowing. The bottom line is that marriage as an inst_tution is disappearing. The trend started with the abolition of the Comstock Laws and the ability of women to control their fertility (somewhat), continued with the ability of women to earn a (living?) wage in the marketplace, and was compounded by the advent of no fault divorce, which took much of the meaning from the marriage vows. Recognizing gay unions as a marriage will complete the movement. Women are going to have to find a new model for child raising. It needs to include a stable male attachment figure for the well-being of the child. It needs to include more than one stressed out adult to look after the child. Do you think we are heading toward an era in which women form child-raising households together, with males relegated to the role of sperm producers on some kind of stud farm in the cloud outside? Ladies, hold your heads up high. Tell the world that you are completely disillusioned with men and have decided to go it alone. Find another woman with whom you can partner in child raising and even home ownership!


Kim - September 15

So basically Viv, you're telling me to become a lesbian? Somehow, I don't think that will work out to the benefit of anyone in my situation.


cakes - September 15

kim does the baby's father know, how does he feel? i think you aren't being selfish, but i wans just wondering what he thinks, not that it matters


Kim - September 16

Cakes: Yes the baby's father does know. He was the 3rd person I told, next to my sister and my roommate. He's not quite sure how to deal with things, and he's having a tough time trying to figure out what he wants out of this, if anything. I have told him that he can be involved as much or as little as he wants, but I would prefer him to be involved in this child's life. Also, did I mention that I work for a lawyer, so he knows what I can do, although I don't want to go through the courts if I dont have to. Not sure if I could handle the stress of being a single parent and the court battle. I see how it stresses people everyday at work, and Im definately not up for that!


Viv - September 16

Kim, sorry for the flame. I know so many single moms who are struggling to make ends meet that I can't for the life of me figure out why they don't get together with someone else in the same situation and make life a little easier for all. That doesn't imply lesbianism at all, any more than having a room mate. I guess the reason it doesn't happen is that accommodating oneself to the peculiarities of another adult and their child is more stressful than going it alone. I don't think you are being selfish having your baby. I think that a woman with your talents will find a mate in due course, baby and all. I think the father of this baby should be encouraged to take a personal interest. Tell him they're his genes too, and he has an interest in what happens to them.



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