My Boyfriend Makes Me Sad

19 Replies
k.a - May 22

My boyfriend and I have been together for less than a year and have been through many arguments already. He cheated on me months ago, yet we worked through it. Now I am 11 weeks pregnant. We have decided to keep the baby and have support from both families. I should be happy that things are going well, but I am just extremely sad. I keep thinking about how we are not married ( he doesn't feel that we are ready) and we are not living together ( I will be living at home with my parents after the baby is born). At times I think that his reasoning is understandable, but then other times I just get so angry with him and feel that he doesn't love me. When I bring this up to him, he says that we will get married and move in together when the time is right. As much as I would love to believe him, I feel that he is just leading me on. At times I feel like this would all be easier with out him....meaning I would have less stress, but I'm not sure enough about that to act upon it. Any advice?


April - May 22

This is a hard situation. In one instance, it's awesome that he's still with you and you should be thankful for that.. I'm noticing a LOT of guys like to run away from their responsibilities. On the other hand though, I know how you feel about things being easier without him. Just remember though, that pregnancy is a VERY emotional time. Especially early in pregnancy... the first 4 months or so. The way you're feeling now might not bother you in a little while. So before you think about breaking things off, think about the future months. Pregnancy is HARD alone. I thought that I would rather be single than be ignored by my boyfriend, but when we broke up, it opened a whole new can of worms. He started dating. That was REALLY hard for me to deal with, especially because I couldn't deal with the breakup the way I normally do (a LOT of cardiovascular excersize and going to clubs to dance) I think I was wrong about things being easier with us broken up. So just make sure that before you do anything... concider that it could be the extra hormones making you feel this way. Your boyfriend really might not be ready for the big step of marriage yet... and it probably isn't him leading you on.. but that's just my opinion.


k.a. - May 22

Thanks April. I just really hope that he comes around. Its just embara__sing to be pregnant and not even have a ring... I don't want people to think negatively of me, yet I know how judgemental some are. I'm sure you understand how difficult it is to go through things with someone less than supportive. If I start to complain about something it's like, "dont use pregnancy as an excuse". I wish he could feel what I do! Anyway, thanks for the response- xo


Nelly - May 23

hi... i can relate to your story since i have the exact problem, mine is even worse because my daughter is 5 years old, i met my boyfriend January last year and everything was great, after 6 months we got engaged and my daughter adores him, we planned to have a baby together but after we got married, four months ago i fell pregnant and now it's like i'm pushing and nagging when i question him about getting married since it was our plan, but again i don't want to push since he's very supportive as well as his family.


l.p - May 26

Hey, I am 7 months pregnant and am in a similar situation. I felt the same way about my boyfriend. He was being wonderful about the baby but distant with me. But i decided not to break up with him and later realized I was just being emotional. I just talked to him and things got better. My boyfriend was just reacting to my doubts about the relationship. I know i can do it without him but its so much easier with him. Good Luck


KU - May 29

I understand why you feel the way you do, I really do. At the same time whether ur feeling that he doesn't love you is true or that he just really wants to wait for the right time is true, either way is good because, believe me, you don't want to get married and move in, if things go wrong, things will be ten times harder. First of all your pregnant, so if divorce came into the picture, you have a kid now and that could get ugly. With visitation and child support. And if both your incomes are payin for the apt and ya'll break up, then you'll have to move back home again, just a huge mess that could wait. Get on your feet more.


to ka - May 31

Hey K.A. I'm going to look at this from another point of view. Once the baby comes, you'll really need someone to help take care of him/her when you're just flat out exhausted. Is that responsiblity going to fall on your parents since he won't move in with you? It sounds to me like he doesn't want his share of the burden of having the child, but wants all the fun. I would point that out to him, and say that your reasons for wanting to move in have nothing to do with you but with the baby. Your baby is going to need to know his/her daddy from day 1, not have a part-time dad (although part time is still better than none). I would push the moving in thing a bit more...


SF - June 5

Leave now, he is leading you on. I am in your situation, just a lttle further along. Your life will be much simpler without him in it and there is no reason why a child needs a man in their life if that man is irresponsible. You are his girlfriend, carrying his child and he does not want you to move in with him. I am with one of the other girls, there is obviously a reaon why he is not willing to make that sacrifice. If you are going to be living with your parents anyway, just cut ties. He probably said that he doesn't want this to be the reason why you would be getting married or he doesn't have enough money (they all have their excuses). You do not need to have your child in that environment, arguing is completely detremental to children, even unborn ones. I am guilty of letting my ex have it and I see what it does to my body afterwards. My family loves me and has taken me in, but they shouldn't have to. Unfortunately, if men get the milk for free there is no need to buy the cow. And if the cow stops giving up milk, he will look elsewhere for it. (I speak from experience, I was cheated on by this man after becoming pregnant.) You are going to be the one caring for this child, and he will make excuses for why he can't come spend time with you or the child. Just be strong and go on.


Bella - June 5

How old are you guys? Is it possible your parents would let him live with you for a little while? At least for the first couple of months. I had a baby 2yrs ago and I was exhausted. I barely got sleep and my husband couldn't help much cause he was working. It was really hard. I'm prego again and this time I'm going to make sure he helps out a lot more.


cheryl - June 13

Listen hun, I know exactly what you are talking about, I am having a baby myself, I feel like that at times to although I live with my boyfriend, I feel a loss of connection, I am 8 months pregnent, and I am scared to death, wondering how we are gonna make it with the sad feeling Ive been having rather he still loves me or not, he has cheeted on me in the past to but yes, somehow we have worked through it, but I do remember those times, and I asked myself if I will be with him my intire life, but only time will tell I guess, But my advice to you is that if hes the Daddy, have faith in him that he will soon see the real picture and that you really love him, He will see it, be patient!


Karin - June 14

I have just been in a very very similar situation, accepting the pregnancy, deciding upon a place to live, trying to comply with his demands, with the only difference that things got out of control and he stopped being supportive of me, my feelings and needs, and became unreasonable and emotionally abusive, so I had to make decisions on my own. I am having an abortion in a few days. He will not be the right father, or the right partner. He is very irresponsible. It's too much of a struggle for me to continue by myself. My "boyfriend" has some mental handicap, problems of abuse, he is abusive, changes his mind a lot, a very unstable person, has had serious mental problems. He does not have much of a job either. He sells perfumes out in the street, but his father has money he refuses to give for support. He even extortioned me emotionally so that he would not even help me pay for the abortion...even questioned his fatherhood unless I come up with an ADN test, or even implied I could have been a prost_tute. I sent them to hell. I am trying to recover myself from the monster I have been relating with.


Lori - June 28

I really hate to hear what u r going thru. Having a baby should be a wonderful and exciting time for both parents but thats not always the case. I myself am going thru something like u r. My bf has cheated on me in the past and even here lately I've heard he's been cheating on me. As a matter of fact the day I told him I was pregnant I found out he tried to cheat on me. It tore my world apart. I've had so many thoughts about this pregnancy...should i abort it, give it up or try to raise it with or without his help. I've decided to keep it and hope for the best. Its not the babies fault that his/her father isn't responsible. He says he wants the baby but I can tell he just says that to make me happy. Then he says things like he's not going to pay child support if I every try to get it, he does want the baby to have his last name. I don't even think he would sign the birth certificate..He doesn't even tell people we are going to have a baby. To me it's like he's ashamed or something. I wish I had the strength to leave him...I think it would be best for me mentally. I think you should get out of ur relationship before it gets to be unhealthy for u and ur baby. If something doesn't feel right usually it's not. I'm sorry for rambling on. I wasn't much help I'm sure. I'm so sorry for what ur going thru and I'll pray for u... GOD bless u and I wish u and ur baby the best


To Lori - June 28

I went through the exact same thing as you. The only difference was, I had been with him a few days before we found out I was pregnant and a few days later. But, my bf had been cheating on me a lot and I mean A LOT! not with multiple women, rather with just one, but continuously. He even continued to cheat on me after we found out about the baby. He too told me that everything was going to be okay and that he wasn't doing anything wrong to me, but I believe that he was only saying this to keep me happy instead of depressed because he knows how unhealthy that is for the baby. What made me mad was, he knew how unhealthy it is for the baby when I'm depressed, but he didn't care to think how unhealthy it was for both ME and the baby if he caught some STD and pa__sed it on to me and the baby! That made me sooo angry. Anyways, I went through the same thoughts as you, should I keep the baby, should I abort it, I don't want to put the baby through all this...but then I decided, F that!! I'm keeping it, it's mine and I'll give it the best life possible. It's not my fault or the baby's fault the dad is selfish. Another thing that I experienced, just like you..the father wouldn't tell anyone we were having a baby, i too thought he was ashamed or something, but I later pieced everything together and the reason he wouldn't tell was beacuse he was banging this girl on the side and this girl fell in love with him, and I'm sure he felt some love for her too. He didn't want her to know. I later found out that she was trying to get pregnant by him. Anyways...throughout all this, my gut had been telling me something wasn't right and sure enough, my gut was right. I know this sounds really messed up, but I've decided to try and work things out with the father. Even though all of this c___p has happened, I still love him and I'm willing to give him one more chance. BUT i've made it crystal clear to him that if he messes up one more time, it's good-bye because I can't put my child through that. Lori and K.a. just remember, sometimes it's best to follow your mind, rather than your heart, because your heart wants what it loves, but your mind wants what is best. Only you can make that decision and it's your decision alone.


so..... - June 28

why would you kneed advise on something that is common sense, if your a__s is so sad than leave the situation, otherwise dont complain about it. You dont need to rush a man who isnt ready to get married. Next thing you know you'll be on another post talking about how your husband cheats and doesnt want you because you rushed him into marriage


~S~ - June 28

^ for many, it's not so easy to just pick up and leave. I believe she already knows what she SHOULD do, it's just a matter of looking for comfort and strenght to help her put her decision in motion.


Lori - June 29

I'd like to thank the ones who show concern. I wrote my post last night and had stated that I was going to keep the baby, well i'm not sure if it's Gods will or if it's the stress from my relationship but I started to spot this morning and have been spotting off and on all day. I plan on going to the doctor to try and find out whats going on. Maybe this is Gods way of protecting me from having a baby with a man who is going to be so uncaring. The ironic thing is today when I told him that I was bleeding he never showed one thread of concern or sadness. Which shows me all the more that he cares nothing for me or this baby thats his. I don't know maybe there is something wrong with him mentally. How could someone show so little love for the woman he claims to love so much or for the health of his unborn child. I think he cares only for himself. I know I deserve better and I've decided to get out of the relationship and to stop allowing him to work his way back into my life with his empty promises. I guess reading everyones stories and seeing that I'm not alone with the thing I'm going thru gives me comfort in some way. Thank you again and God bless you all!!!!!!!!


~S~ - June 29

Lori, How far along are you?? I had on and off spotting up until I was about 3 months. Some days it was heavier than others and some days, it was consistant, but just very light. My Dr. told me not to worry, unless it was accompanied by strong cramps. It turns out that I was experiencing implantation bleeding, but my Dr. also told me that some ladies actually spot through out their entire pregnancy and some only spot during the time when they would have gotten their period. Don't worry too much about it, but definitly see your Dr. He/she might send you for an ultrasound. Good luck! I believe your baby is a blessing.



You must log in to reply.

Are you New to the forum? Sign Up Here! Already a member? Please login below.

Forgot your password?
Need Help?
New to the forum?

Sign Up Here!

Already a member?
Please login below.

Forgot your password?
Need Help?