Need Advice Please

14 Replies
sdmamma - March 10

Hello there, I am about 8 months pregnant and could not be happier about the baby. My boyfriend and I started dating in June 2006 and in July 2006 I found out I was pregnant. I told him the day I found out and he was very supportive and happy as well. He truley is a great guy. The very next day after making the annoucment to him he came to me and told me that he had slept with someone 3 weeks before we started dating and that the girl had called him and stated that she was pregnant as well and beleives he is the father. At that point I was devastated but he assured me over and over that there was no way he could be the father because she had stated that she was already 2 months pregnant which just did not add up. Well months have gone by now since that day and she called my boyfriend up recently and told him that she had the baby and wanted him to take a paternity test. He took the test about 2 weeks ago and we recieved the results this week and he is the father. I cannot begin to tell you how upset I am about this. I am not sure if the feelings I am having are selfish but I am really hurt to know that my boyfriend that I love so much now has a daughter and soon will have a son as well. He says he wants to nothing to do with the child since the girl he slept with was pretty much just a one night stand. It has been on my mind every day and I am having so many mixed emotions. Especially being 8 months pregnant. Has anyone else ever been through something like this? We have been doing pretty ok financially but I am so scared that she is going to take him to court and try to get as much as possible. Again I am not trying to be selfish because I know this must be tearing him up inside but I just cant bring myself to talk to him about it...and I cant help but be a mad. I mean everything seemed so perfect and now its just not the same. Any advice or opinions would really be helpful. Thank you for reading this.


Terio - March 11

That's a fine mess you trio are in. I have no real advice, but did notice that you said something about being scared that she will take him to court for money. Stop stressing yourself out about that - that's a given, and he WILL have to pay her support. Unfortunate situation, you'll be tied to all of them the next two decades. Good luck.


Skyeblue - March 11

Yes it does sound like a mess...But what I reallly didn't like was when you said he "wants nothing to do with the child." I think the reflects VERY badly on him as he wants to not take responsibility. It it his daughter's fault that he had a one night stand...? I personally would not feel comfortable knowing that my bf has another child he "wants nothing to do with." That is just wrong! Plus from the dates of her pregnancy, doesn't sound like he was totally honest with you...not that it matters at this point. Would you want him to up and just leave you and have nothing to do with your son...probably not....So try to encourage him to do the right thing. Good luck!!


ginger6363 - March 16

I agree with Skyeblue, how can you feel good about your bf's fathering with your own new baby if he admits that he "wants nothing to do with the [other] child." A father is a father and has responsibilites no matter who the woman he impregnanted is...his longtime gf, his wife, or a one-night stand. That baby did not choose to be born out of a one-night stand and it's selfish for your bf to punish the child that way. The mess you all have gotten yourselves into is deplorable, but the children are the real victims. I hope you all can work it out and be a family---regardless of who's baby's who's.


Nerdy_Girl_10242006 - March 16

I say he owns up to it, his fault and as someone said he isn't entirely honest especially if she was two months and he said it happened three weeks ago. I say you need to talk to him. I know if I was in that situation it would hurt yes, but i would feel more hurt that he would say he doesn't wanna be involved in his daughters life, then I would start thinking if another girl came along that he liked that he would tell her the same thing about mine...makes him seem like a real low life if you ask me. All you can do is talk to him, otherwise you will suffer, but not even nearly as much as his daughter will. If you tell him it is OK to let him leave her like that you are just as bad...he is the father and he NEEDS to take care of her as well. Its unfair to her because he decided it would be cool to have a one night stand. He needs to grow up and realize that he is the only one at fault. And you both also need to stop blaming this other girl for coming in and ruining you so called perfect relationship. She now has to deal with the fact that she got pregnant from this guy and that she has a daughter she has to raise and imagine how much harder it is for her. You make her seem like she ruined everything. It takes two...and your boyfriend is the one to blame and I say if he leaves his daughter she should get him for a lot because he isn't man enough to take on the responsibility. But by far, YOU OR THIS OTHER GIRL DON'T HAVE IT BAD, you need to think of these two babies. They have to learn and deal with this and one may have to learn to cope without a father...I say you are being selfish and I do say he is being and a__s...and I feel for all of you but you have to take into consideration ITS NOT ALL ABOUT YOU ANYMORE. he has a daughter and he is about to have a son, he made his bed now he needs to sleep in it. But stop thinking me, me, me, me. Think about how this other girl feels...not like he was with you when he got you pregnant so its not her fault either. A very sad situation and I feel more for these poor helpless, defensless babies.


Nerdy_Girl_10242006 - March 16

Also for you to think she is going to ruin everything else for wanting money, she has every right too and its not her ruining everything its your boyfriend. All he has to do is support the baby with food, diapers and the necessities...he don't need to take care of her. But him running away and being a jerk about it she deserves the right to take him to court. I say you start having a LONG conversation with him and also think about it alot and see how you would feel if you were his little girl. But if you agree with him leaving her, you are just as bad of a person as he is and that is selfish. You want him there for your son because he is the father...she has every right to want him there for her daughter as well. And if you let him walk out on this child you are in a mess, so you need to tell him he needs to be there. That way it works out for the both of you and you don't have to go through the court so much but either way he is the one to blame.


volcomgurlie - March 17

I understand how you must feel but have you even remotely thought about how this other girl must feel? Shes alone with a new baby from a guy who wants nothing to do with the kid. If you ask me you should worry more about how your boyfriend wants nothing to do with this kid. What will happen if your relationship does not work out. History repeats itself. You also need to think about your son who will be born soon has a older sister. You should be encouraging your boyfriend to step up and be apart of his daughters life. I understand your pregnant and emotional right now but you need to think of your childs feelings 1st. If you sit back and let your boyfriend just have nothing to do with his other child than yes you are being selfish. My boyfriend is 26 and he found out 4 months ago that he has 2 siblings he never knew about and it was very hard for him. Just remember you are not # 1 anymore and if you deprive your child to see his sister than you are not looking out for your childs best interests. Goodluck with everything


kady - April 9

That's his child how could he not want nothing to do with a life that he helped to create.I bet the punnany was nice when he was getting it,put yourself in the other woman shoe to have a new born and the father wants nothing to do with her.Life is not perfect honey I went throughthe same problem with my son father my first child is 6 and he has a brother the sme age they are 2 months apart.My partner now has custody of his son because the mother was not taking care of him,he has lived with us from the age of 2 his dad has taken care of him from day 1 there was time when I wa really hurt by the situation but i have always encouraged him from the beginning to play a part in the life of his child.


Danii - April 10

*sdmamma* I think you should read what *nerdygirl* has written very carefully because she has hit the nail on the head in many ways and you should think about it very hard. I feel really sorry for this other women. It must be extremely hard for her and being an emotional pregnant women yourself I find it hard to comprehend how you can be so cold to her. He needs to be a part of his childs life and you need to allow your son to know his sister. And *kady*, sending big time respect to you. That sounds like a tough situation and you sound like an amazingly supportive person. Also your partner sounds fantastic. Its great to hear of a real man.


ShaunaLeigh - April 10

Im going thru this right now... except there isnt a second baby involved... I got pregnant last summer by a guy who wasnt mii boyfriend... & he denied mii baby the whole time... Until I had him... & when he seen him he knew it was his... well he only seen pix... Im that "woman" that ur talkin a bout in ur spill there... that lil girl desereves her father... its not her fault that it was only a one night stand & i can tell u that if that other woman feels half as rotten as me... then she's feelin pretty d__n low. Mii baby turned one month yeterday & his father hasnt seen nor does he wanna see him... do yanno how that makes a person feel... I have a lot of mean stuff i could say here but i dont feel like anyone deserves it... cuz im just down n out because of guys like him... so ima keep mii thoughts to myself.


ShaunaLeigh - April 10

kady ~ U sound like mii kinda gurl... that's exactly how I would b e... cuz i dont think any child deserves to not have both parents... & it burns mii a__s when women make it about them... who cares about them... the child is the most important thing


tyler0323 - April 11

The feelings you have are selfish, but justified. However, he was with this girl before he was with you so has nothing to do with how he feels for you i am sure. This is a tough situation but something that can be delt with as long as everyone is mature about the whole thing. If she takes him to court for maintenance and he has to pay out of his pocket then good, he should support his other baby regardless if he has another one coming. you need to put yourself in the other girls shoes for a moment and try to think of what she is going through. Pregnant with a one night stand and the father wants nothing to do with the child, that is unfair since it wasnt the babies fault. U both need to think of the child and deal with thing appropriatly meaning financialy and emotionaly. you daughter is going to have a half brother and she should be a part of his life too. lots to think about, and i hope you guys do the right thing not the selfish thing


Gailya_bobailya - April 13

ALLLRIGHT!!!! Advice here we go ... AS A WOMAN i know what your thinking and doing we all would do it we would try to convince our man that Were his only woman and to stay away from the other girl......BUT BUT BUT BUT!!! DOnt for a second think that he has the right to neglect this little girl. As far as a family is concerned hes your bf and you two are having a baby together But when it comes to his daughter ENCOURAGE HIM TO SEE HER, You also have a Huge Problem to THIS IS YOUR BABYS SISTER!!! And thats also a big deal. ****I never met my father my mom said "WIll im pregnant" He said "see ya" and went off and has a whole nother" Family... That hurts.....bad knowing that that a__s hole ran off and left my 19 yr old mother pregnant and with nothing. Thats exactly what your bf is if he honestly doesnt want to see her. anyways sorry im just ranting now i didnt mean to come off as rude but when it comes to familys WE HAVE TO LEARN TO BE SELFLESS and when it comes to your situation we have to be extra selfless because it will be hard but hopefully you will do the right thing. ****and besides how could you love a guy who deserted his little baby girl?***********


jinx123 - October 9

aren't you sdmamma that sells on ebay?


raex - November 11

first of all try not to worry its not good for you or your baby,if she takes him to court they will take account of you and your child who he is responsible for, try to talk to him i understand its hard while your mad but for your babies future please try,x



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