Hey Moms going through this, just checking in again.
If you haven't read my posts: After my son was born a negative paternity test with my ex I discovered he was not the father. I have no recollection of the night I got pregnant. I was able to track down the dad using Family Tree DNA and facebook, eventually had to compel a test through the courts. He is barely involved with my son and we are still struggling because the a-hole dad has kept my son a secret all this time. I finally gave an ultimatum, either he told his wife or I did. She just found out recently and the dad's pile of lies are crashing down. He's lashing out and filed a court order accusing me of harrassing and threatening him (I DID threaten to tell his wife the truth if he did not.) ANYWAY, he has been a prick. He is a malicious narcissist and I have poked a hole in his veneer so he is pissed off. He might not be in my son't life at all any more, I have to say I am kind of relieved as it has been very difficult trying to have a positive focus with someone so desperately wrapped in lies.
ANYWAY, that is not why I am writing. I am writing to just say I LOVE this group. You kept me alive when I was so desperate and ashamed. You are strong and amazing and facing challenges and fears and stigma that truly no one else can imagine. I am writing to tell you to stay strong, live honestly. Own your past. You can't hide stuff like this, it will fester and kill you. Be honest, most people will not judge you. On the contrary, they will support and admire you because you have to be made of titanium to get through what you're going through. The few jerks who name call or judge are not worth it but it is better to prepare for them by being honest - everyone loves a redemption story and your life is that. Be good to your kids. Love yourself. Remind your kid every day that YOU want and love them. If the dad is found someday, GREAT if not, also great and sometimes better if he is an as-hole.
To the guys who have posted here. THANK YOU. I hope if you have kids, you find them. I recommend doing a test on Family Tree DNA. Sadly ySearch and Mitosearch have closed but I hope there will be new tools soon. till then, family tree DNA is a good place to start. If you have a kid out there looking for you,you have a chance of finding them.
I hope everyone is doing well and hanging in there. I wrote last year that I quit drinking, I will have 1 year sober this weekend if all goes well. It was much easier than I thought. I wasted a lot of time thinking about drinking and being drunk cost me so much, it is definitely the best choice for me based on my past but my biggest motivator is that I love my kid and I don't want to miss a minute of his life. If you are ever in New York City, message me here. I don't log on often but I do check in and when I get a message I try to answer. hugs to you and your kiddos. xo