Not Sure If I Should Keep The Baby

14 Replies
meredyth416 - October 27

i am 6 weeks pregnant and scheduled to have an abortion by the pill this wednesday. i'm so torn on what to do. i always imagined this wonderful situation where i'm married to a responsible, wondeful man and my life is ready and prepared for this. Instead, I'm with a guy who is not much more than a boy. I'm 29 and he will be 29 in 2 weeks. I'm so much more mature than he is. I am independent and have a house and a carreer and he works at this hourly job where he can barely make ends meet. He doesn't know that he wants to marry me, but thinks he might in the future- far in the future when he says he has money and a carreer and knows more of who he is. We have fundamental differences. I believe in God and he doesn't. I am ready for marraige now and he isn't. I want children and he isn't sure he ever does. This pregnancy was definitely not planned. Everyone around me has said they think I should get an abortion, but I'm struggling with that. I'm also struggling to keep it. I don't want to do this on my own, but I don't think my boyfriend is grown up enough to handle this and he absolutely doesn't want it. He desperately wants me to get an abortion. The only reason I would be able to do it is because the baby is so small right now and barely developed. It will have a heartbeat next week and after that, I don't think I can do it. To make things even more comlicated, I have an ex-fiancee who is the most amazing man in the world. The only problem is that I'm not as physically drawn or attracted to him as I am to my current boyfriend. My boyfriend gets me and we just seem to mesh a bit better, but my ex still loves me, would be the best father ever, the best husband, wants me to have his children, is successful, loves me more than any one could comprehend. If I abort this baby, maybe I should break up with my boyfriend and poss. try to make it work with my ex. This experience has made me realize the more important things in life. I originally left my ex for my current boyfriend which is awful to begin with, but I'm being completely honest... does any one have any insight before wednesday?


mommybabyboy21 - October 27

your baby already has a heart beat., I got my first ultrasound at 6 weeks, because I didn't know I was pregnant, I was diagnose with PCOS and was going in for my routine ultrasound. I had a the dr giving me the ultrasound and he asked if I wanted to hear the heart beat of my baby...I was surprised that i was pregnant. I said yes. My boyfriend begged me, cried for me to get an abortion. He was like your boyfriend, excpet I am 25 and he is 27 and was still in college. I thought about it for a moment, but then I talked to soo many people who said they regretted the abortion to some extent. I knew I would be one of those people. I couldn't do it. My boyfriend left me a week later. I cried and thought i was making the wrong decision, but for some reason I just couldn't have the abortion, and when I felt my baby kick for the first time I cried for joy because I knew I made the right decision. Now my son is 4 months and so amazing He is my joy and a life that I know I cant live without. and my boyfriend that I thought I clicked with on the same levels that you said you click with your, no longer held the same appeal to me. because now his immatures just bugs me to no end. weather to go back to your ex or not...that is a personal decision and i would have to know you better. in my opinion there is three stages of love. Just cant keep your hands off the other person love (I call this lust, because you dont see their faults), love that is still intense after you find out about their faults (I call this amore love) then there is love like that of family (I call this famila love) some people are content to only have famlia love for their life partner and I think that is the kind of love you have for your ex. you'll never have the other two loves for him. Most of the time I see the other two loves fade in a marriage and people are left with the famlia love, with occa__ssional sparks of amore love. Anyways sorry this is so long I just wanted to give you my opinion but remember YOU are the one that has to live with the decisions.


kay101 - October 27

I believe they are required by law to do an ultrasound to determine how far along in your pregnancy you are. It's up to you whether or not you want to see while they are doing it. Because you are so early on, there is still a good chance of natural miscarriage if you haven't seen a heartbeat yet. I would be torn between not looking because I wouldn't want to see, and wanting to look because if something was wrong and I was going to miscarry natuarally, I would want to know and not have to go through the emotional problems this is obviously causing you. I think everyone imagines the situation you do, being married to prince charming, have a nice house, career, etc. but a lot of the time it doesn't happen like that. Only you are able to determine whether or not you are able to have a child. I am partially for/partially against abortion. I'm very open minded, I'm ok with a woman having on early like you plan on doing, but abortions are legal up to 20 weeks and I think by then that's really crossing the line. This IS a pregnancy forum, so 90% of the responses you get are going to tell you to NOT go through with it. I think a child deserves the best life it could possibly have, and if you don't think you are ready to provide that then perhaps you should wait until you are to have a child. If you think you are ready and able to handle it, then by all means, please do because I'm sure you can do it. A lot of times our emotional feelings become wrapped around the men in our lives and we make decesions based on that. This is something you need to leave that out of, this is a decesion you have to make 100% for yourself. Because the issue is troubling you now, if you do go through with the procedure, you need to be prepared for the emotional turmoil you will most likely go through afterwards and make sure you have love and support. Please just make sure that whatever decesion you make, it is one you are comfortable with within yourself and I wish you the best no matter what.


meredyth416 - October 28

thank you so much for both of your answers. wednesday is getting closer and i'm getting more and more anxious. I already had an ultrasound last week and everything looks fine. I think if I decided to have this baby it would be healthy, etc. It's so difficult because while I don't want to make a decision based on the man in my life, i am definitely taking that into consideration. The more I'm with him, my love for him doesn't fade, but my respect and my belief that we will ever work does. I've actually struggled with that for awhile. If I have this baby and he leaves- which i've seen him just shut his emotions off before and be able to move on- i have a baby to raise all by myself, a mortgage to pay, and everything to do alone. If I ever want to date again, I'll be a single mom and if I ever want to make it work with my ex, it will be extremely difficult for him to accept the situation or to love my child like his own. When I think about keeping the baby, I get naseus. I feel like this is so selfish and wrong, but I am a musician and I get work based on the fact that people think I'm a lot younger than i am. I'm 29, but people usually think I'm 21. That is how I make most of my money- by singing and writing disney-type music. So, I'm just torn. Everybody around me is in favor of me having an abortion because they all think having this child alone will be too difficult. I think it will. I'm so scared i'll regret having an abortion when my child will probably be healthy, but I'm so scared of paving this life for me that is too deifficult to handle when icould have avoided that. I really don't know what to do.


jennifer_33106 - October 28

If I can make a suggestion. Abortion is a tough decision for any woman to make. IF you have any doubts, any at all, DO NOT DO IT! You will come to regret it and always wonder what if. I know women who have had abortions and it is a hard thing for them to deal with. IF you are sure this is what you wanna do then it is up to you. Remember Abortion isnt your only choice. You can choose to adopt your baby out or just to keep it. I wish you the best and I hope you make the decision that is right for you. After all many people will tell you not to or to go for it. But remember you have to live with your decision. GL and I hope you can get it straightened out!


sandy18 - October 29

I was also on a tough situation early in my pregnancy I am 26 weeks preagnant now and was considering abortion I would picture my life with a baby and everything seemed so hard, I'll just tell you something my mom told be and helped me decide on keeping my baby, you could regret one day of having an abortion but you will never regret having your baby, : ) best luck to you.


tish212 - October 29

I am not against abortion...I believe there r times it is necessary...of course this isn't the place for that discussion. it seems right now like it would be the most difficult thing in the world to do...but to give up this life for a man that is so much of a child makes no sense...he's almost 30 and still hasn't figured his life out? that means things aren't gonna change...he is who he is...and making a decision to abort b/c he wants it or to stay with him is foolish. and u would regret it b/c I doubt there is a happily ever aftr for u two. and for the part about ur ex fiance...that is up to u..sometimes in life we can't see what we have...or had...everyone else can but we r blind to it ya know? I'm not saying that u should or shouldn't go back to him that is entirely up to u.... but know if u wanna spend ur life with someone u should NEVER settle otherwise ull regret it.... u should take a bit of time to think about what u want in ur heart? r u ready to share ur life with a child? if u think u might be then why not? children are gifts...and this might be happening for a reason... just something to think about...and yes at 6 weeks ur baby has a heart rate... I'm 31 weeks now and I still remember my 6 week ultra sound 154bpm hr.... this is 100% ur choice but just make sure u can live with the outcome whatever u


ShoppingForTwo - October 29

With my daughter dying 9 and a half hours after she was born only 4 months ago and me being pregnant now and hoping and praying this pregnancy sticks with me and ends with the birth of my beautiful healthy baby next year, I find it very hard to hear of women having or planning to have abortions. All that being said I still believe that you should do what's best for you and what you won't regret. I think adoption is a wonderfull idea, women who can't have children of their own would absolutely LOVE have your little miracle. Yes MommyBabyBoy21 is correct, your baby already has a heartbeat. If I'm not mistaken I think the heart starts beating around the 26th or 27th day after conception. . . Oh and just a side note, abortions in California are legal until 24 weeks, which I think is a shame and is outrageous. Anyway, being a single mother is possible. I just depends on if you choose to do it or not. I'm not judging you at all don't get me wrong but I think its funny. . . No NOT funny. . . I think its sardonic that you makng a living off of writing Disney like songs and here you are contemplating an abortion. All in all, good luck with your decision, and remember, do what's BEST for you. Make sure you can live with yourself, and without the what if's.


EMMA2 - October 30

Raising and having a child alone is not as hard as you imagine. Somehow you become the strongest woman alive to protect and raise the child. I think abortion is your choice but the child has a right to live....god doeswnt throw at you what u cant handle.


docbytch - October 30

meredyth..this is solely your decision to make. I can understand your quandry...have been in bad situations myself...years ago. there are women out there me....felt the only choice at the time was termination....and later was able to look back and realize that it truly had been the best decision at the time. however...there are also those women out there who terminate the pregnancy only to later regret the decision..for many years after. the only thing you can do now is to REALLY take a hard, searching look inside yourself. Go with your instinct and your heart. Mine told me to terminate back when I was only 16...and later 22 with a young child I was raising mostly alone.... BUT had my heart told me to keep the baby? I would have done so...even under pressure of others. My suspicion in your case is that your heart is telling you to keep the baby. If this is true....a decision to abort will only crush you in the end. again...only YOU know where your heart is. whatever it is you decide...where there is a will...there is a way. my life has shown me that. good luck to you =-)


tish212 - October 31

I agree with docbytch...if u r asking others then part of u is doubting whether u should or not.... which means if u do later u will regret it....and emma is right god never gives u morethan u can handle and like I said b4 maybe this happened for a reason.....I hope u do what's best for u....


socurbaby7 - October 31

I just thought i would add my two cents.... don't look at ur life ending by having this child and that you wont be able to date and what not because ur right that is a little selfish and when you have a child they are your life... and above all else... that is allt hat matters... and soemtimes it is the best thing for you... but if being scared is the only reason for u to be having abortion i would think a little more... look how many woman are able to be strong and bring up children on their own... at least u have a house and a good job... thats more than a lot of woman... youb have your life together... and maybe this is what you need to see what your priorities in life are... and just because this baby is not from the man you want to marry... doesnt mean the child shouldnt live... the man you will eventually marry will have a big enough heart for the both of you and if he doesnt he isnt right for you.... you can't say people will not want to be with you because of a child... because it is jus selfish and ignorant on the mans part to think that way and if they do think that way (being with someone who has a child by another man is not right and that they dont wanna raise someone else's kid) then they just aren't ready for you, a woman who has their life together.... and as for your ex... sometimes little things in life help show you what means the most... and it sounds like he means a lot to u... but u didnt appreciate it until now... so what your not infatuated with him... you have something deeper that matters more than lust does... that dies off in most relationships and people either move on to new people... or they jus stay with that person and are unhappy.... and if u plan on trying to get back with ur ex after u terminate and then want to have a baby with him... then i think its a lil selfish... im sure if this ex fiancee is this great guy that u say he is... he would accept this child as his own no matter what ... but i mean this is all up to u in the end... i hope this gives u a little more to think about before the appointment today...


Baby2418 - November 1

Please do not get an abortion! This would be a big mistake. I am also in the same situation. My boyfriend does not want the child. He says we are not financially ready and I have not met his mother. We have been together 3 years. I am soooo torn. If there is anyone out there that has an answer I would love to hear it just as much as Meredyth. =)


ShoppingForTwo - November 1

Soooo WHAT DID YOU CHOOSE? What was the final decision?


FutureTwinMom - November 3

Personally I would not keep the baby. I would never be able to make it without the help of my husband and the extra finances. I never regreted any decision I made in the past and it has made me a better person today. My children also get to live a good life now.



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