Pregnant At 23 Amp The Father Wants An Abortion

4 Replies
ShelleyC - February 16

Hi everyone. I just found out last week that I am pregnant. The father does not want the baby at all, he basically demanded that I have an abortion. His reason is that he already has 2 children and does not want another one anytime soon. We aren't together, nor do we ever plan to be. I doubt that he will have anything to do with this child whatsoever. The problem is, I want to keep the baby. I just graduated from college with a BA in Political Science, but I currently have no job and no health insurance. I live with my parents as well, so I would be imposing on them for awhile until I got on my feet. I haven't told them yet, I'm scared to really. I know how disappointed they will be about this. I'm not sure what to do, but my gut is telling me to have this baby. I realize that this isn't an ideal situation by any means, but I feel like I can do it. I keep going back and forth about what is best for this child. I'm feeling that in a way, it's unfair for me to have it since I'm not financially stable yet and the father doesn't want it, but then my thoughts drift right back to wanting to keep the baby. Any advice?


keep it - February 16

if you want the baby and you abort it, you will live to regret it everyday. who cares about the father, if you think he wont stick around it wouldnt impose on him anyway. a few years of living with your parents and a baby is nothing compared to the lifetime of guilt and sadness if you abort your wanted child. girls of 12 with babies are making due, so with your situation it can be easily fixed. a few years of imposition is nothing compared to sadness and regret forever. i had an abortion and i still grieve to this day. i have 3 other kids but i always wonder who the baby i killed may have been. im prolife now. :(


livdea - February 16

You sound just like me about four months ago! Seriously reading my own question, for the most part. I was living far far away from any of my family, I got pregnant, told the father he brought me some $$ for an abortion, telling me he didn't want to have any kids right now and then he left, saying "lets keep intouch" I never heard from him again. After freaking out for a few weeks about what to do, I called my Mom, told her and she told me to come and live with her, until I get my feet on the ground. She freaked at first and now couldn't be more excited. So anyway, I took the fathers abortion money and moved. I have a job now working with my stepdad and I'm saving all the money I can. I applied to medicade for my pregnancy and am now receiving excellent care for my baby. I'm scarred as hell and some times I wonder if I made the right choice, knowing that I'll be doing this on my own and that I'm only 22 freaking years old. Its not easy, I can't lie, I'm so scarred but at the same time...I'm feeling my baby kick and next week I get to find out what I'm having! I'm totally excited! I think in the's going to be so so worth it. That's not really advice but my experience...Good Luck and no one can make the choice for you, you really have to look within yourself and see how YOU feel about it...its tough but you'll be just fine!


Novia - February 16

The unknown is what people fear the most. And the future is just that...the unknown. We yearn to see what the future will bring...what road we will take...where we will stand. The best thing I can tell you is stay optimistic. If you choose to keep this child, which I think it sounds like, there is only hope, laughter, smiles, among other good things to come. Yes, there will be hardships, especially financially. But listen to your heart. Our hearts never steer us wrong...especially when it comes to our children. I congratulate you on your BA. I say if you succeeded in attaining that, you surely will succeed in raising your child, especially since you said it yourself..."I feel like I can do it." I just found out I too am pregnant. Like yours, it isn't the best situation in the world, nor is it something I thought I'd ever be in. To be honest, it was from one night of platonic s_x with an X of mine, whom I surely do not love. To top it off, I have yet to finish college, to get my own place, to be stable financially. Situations arise...but there is reason for everything I believe. Rather, I know. Good luck, sweetie.


ShelleyC - February 17

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I told my mother last night, and she was none too pleased. She also can't stand the father. He has lived only a block away from me since we were both 11 yrs old, so we've interacted with one another a lot over the years. She basically said it was up to me, but she'd rather me not keep the child. She went into questioning me about how I was going to pay the medical bills, support the child, pay for child care etc. My answers to these: I don't know, I'd find a way I suppose. I'm so uncertain at this point. I'm in no way againt abortion, but I broke down tonight just thinking about it. I was pregnant when I was 13 as well. I went ahead with that pregnancy but went into premature labor at 22 weeks. My son was still born, and burying that child was the most painful thing I've ever had to go through. My doctor told me then that I had a very weak uterus and would have to get it st_tched the next time I was pregnant. I can't help but worry about losing this one, and if I decide to terminate the pregnancy....what if I can't have a child when I'm ready? I've been worrying constantly about this, I'm just not sure yet. livdea: At least yours brought you some money. Want to know what mine told me? "Get some money from your mom, I'll pay her back when I can" I was stunned to hear this, who in the hell does he think he is? He gets angry over me just saying I don't know what to do and then has the nerve to tell me to ask my mom for abortion money? To top it off, by my calculations, the night I became pregnant was the same night all of my money just got up and walked out of my wallet. Don't know where it went, I've been looking for it ever since he left. :p What a man. Novia: I have no feelings for the father either. None, zip, nada. We were somewhat friends throughout school, but that was the extent of our relationship. Sad part is, I swore off any type of relationship with men for almost 2 yrs before sleeping with him (had a very bad 5 yr relationship), then within 3 weeks of seeing him, I've ended up pregnant. You'll finish school. It actually took me a lot longer than it was supposed to, I started my junior year at 19. I kept dropping cla__ses and switching majors, but I finally finished.



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