Pregnant By A Married Man

632 Replies
InTooDeep - March 15

Dear Me Too: i am so glad you have taken the time to write in this forum. Without giving out alot of sordid details, I also am pregnant by a married man. I thought I was the some ways I still entertain the idea I am. I am in my late30's and this pregnancy was completely unplanned. I have three children, 15, 12, and 7. My baby is due in late July. The bottom line is I love this man. He loves me also. It is like a sad cliche', except his wife is the stepmother of his children and apparantly, they love her deeply. I don't know what to do...for the 4 or so years we have been together I have allowed myself to think we would eventually be married. He has allowed me to live under this a__sumption. I am broken. I want him yet I know that we will not be together. What will change after 4 years? And then there is the baby. I am so sorry that she is going to be born into this situation. If we are no longer together, how do I tell her? He is not planning on divulging this piece of news to his family. Should I just break this off completely and never tell her the circ_mstances? I don't know if he would even hear of it. Speaking of rambling...I have so many questions and no answers. I hurt for myself and my children, born and unborn. Please don't judge me, I am able on my own to perform this.


kady - April 9

I don't know why you would blame yourself if he does anything to himself.He knew what he was doing when he was cheating on his wife with you for 2 years.And then he left you because you would not have an abortion you we're his play toy because he is bored at home,but had no intention to leave his wife.don't worry about this man think about yourself and your child he is a grown man he knew what he was doing.


ladies - September 1

does this informative forum still exist?


me too - September 2

dear intoodeep, i don't know what happened with this site but i used to be notified via email everytime there was a post or reply and would then know when someone wrote me. until today i just figured the site had taken a dive or whatever, i see your post was dated march 15 and that your baby is now born. if you are still out there feel free to respond i don't mind at all. hope u r doing okay!!


tynadu - September 6

You knew you were messing with a married man so why did you have to take it to his wife when you got mad? I do not like women or men like you. If a woman was with my husband for two years knowing he was married and then came to my house to tell me because she was mad at him, I would beat her a-s! Go get in a hole!!!!!


GimmeaBub - September 27

I believe that when you know that the guy is married why would you cut someone elses gra__s no matter what type of marriage they had, there is a difference between comforting him and opening your legs for him. I would putmyself in the wifes shoes, and their childrens shoes because to you it's all about 'poor little me' unfortunatley there are children involved, and i especially feel sorry for a unfaithful married mans children, knowing tat daddy didnt love mummy enough because he had another baby with another woman. Its actally quite sad, i feel for all women who get in this situation because not only are you hurting but so are others. its a shame how selfish people can be sorry but thats just my opinion baby juice


reneelane - September 30

That's a tough situation to deal with. But the only remedy is to file for child support, so that atleast you can be financially secure. Then go and get some couseling (which no one has recommended)!! I almost had a baby by a married man twice (and my story is completely different from most on here too). I think getting some "talk theraphy" doesn't hurt, because there is some what of a self-esteem issue that is lacking on women that choose these types of relationships. Sometimes your brain and emotions won't allow you to do the right thing. And you never know there could be something that has happened in your life that has allowed you to think it's okay to waste your time with someone that not only treats you less than the woman you are, but does it to the woman he had the nerve to make a "promise" to under God.


Lilys Mom - November 24

I came across this discussion doing a google search. It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one who fell for a married man's lies. My daughter is 5 1/2 months old...and her Sperm Donor is still married. I've been with him for SEVEN years. I bought into his lies for seven years. I broke up with him countless times, but he always pulled me back in. He'd make me feel sorry for him--or he'd threaten suicide; said he couldn't live without me. In August 2006, I moved into a new house and we had a fight about when he was going to move in. He said "in the next couple of months"....oh, but I had heard that a time or two before. He said, "Lets have a baby." ARE YOU CRAZY? NO WAY! He got mad at me. A day later, I cooled off and he said, "Getting pregnant/having a baby with you will be my way of proving my senserity to you. It will prove to you that I'm going to leave my wife and move in with you." And I bought it. Due to medical reasons, I didn't think I could get pregnant. So, I figured, "what the hell--it's not gonna happen anyway." Less than a month later, I'm pregnant. When I got pregnant, that's when he realized our relationship was a sin. Apparently, it woke him up and pulled him out of the fantasy world he'd been living in (that's what he told me). Now, he's seeking counseling from his priest, with his wife and they're trying to work it out. Long story short, he's still with his wife. And he wants to be a father to our child. I wish he'd leave me and my baby alone. He knew I didn't want my baby with his wife. I drove by his house one night when he had my daughter and caught both cars there. I knocked on the door and demanded to have my child if his wife was home. The wife was peeking through the window. I asked if I could talk to her, she shook her head no. (I just wonder what he's told her. Maybe he told her it was a "one time thing"...maybe she doesn't know it's been 7 years). I hate the thought of my daughter being around his wife!! I don't understand how he could present our Lovechild to his wife. I don't understand how the wife could accept that. Damn, she must be as stupid as I am. So, the Sperm Donor and I have an agreement--he takes Lily but he is NOT to go near his wife with MY daughter. When he has her, I do drive-by's to check where the cars are. For seven years, he's told me what an awful mother she is to his son's. I'll be d__ned if she's gonna be around my daughter. And....she's jealous that she never had a baby girl; she's always wanted a baby girl. Damnit....Lily is MY baby girl and his wife can keep her paws off my daughter. Ugh. He told me on Thanksgiving that I wouldn't have to worry about it much longer, that he would probably be living alone. "I guess that's what I deserve" he says. I looked at him with no sympathy and said, "That's what I got. I'm a working single mother because of you." The only reason Lily exsists was to prove to me that he was gonna leave his wife, and he's done the complete opposite. She has forgiveness in her heart for him and thinks MY daughter is a doll. She blames ME for everything. Blames me because I knew he was married. (I'm pretty sure he knew he was married too). Yeah, this situation is a complete cluster phuck. But, as long as he keeps MY daughter away from his wife...I won't have too many panick attacks. Seriously, how the hell could he present our Lovechild to his wife? How could she accept that? She has no rights to MY daughter. If I catch him taking Lily around his wife, he will see the biggest b*tch this side of the Mississipi. Yes, I know I did wrong. So the hell did he. But, his little world is exactly the same as it was....and he gets visitation of Lily. I on the other hand, get to be a single working mother--take care of the house, Lily's laundry, bottles, etc etc. It irritates me to NO end that he takes Lily around his family....people I've never met. She is MY daughter and I should have every right in the world to know who she is around. But, nothing is legal, we're just trying to do things in a civil manner. Any woman in this situation? Having to hand your baby over to his wife? Not knowing any of his family, knowing your child is around them? OMG. I eat Xanex...and it still doesn't help. Ugh. I'm going to raise my daughter to hate anyone with a p___s, I swear.


jennifer_33106 - November 24

FYI guys! mama bear already had baby bear by now. They either worked it out or he stayed with Golilocks. Read the dates... This dates back to 2005. :)


me too - November 24

Dear Lily's Mom, I have dealt with similar things you have described and can share my experiences with you. I can reply here in length or if you would like you can email me and ask me questions that way. Either way is fine, and I hope I will be of some help to you. I have been able to talk to others myself and found it very helpful. Sincerely, Me too


Lilys Mom - November 25

Me Too: Thanks, email would be great. I couldn't figure out how to get yours. And this is the third time I've tried posting mine....maybe it will let me do it this way, lol. Mine is FeatherStorm5 (at) h o t m a i l . c o m


anfmom - November 27

Hey Im in the situation kinda. If his wife leaves left him and he is that worried about to hurt himself that is his fault if he LOVED her so much he would have never cheated on her. My BF now ex cheated on his wife with me for a while. We got PG by accicdent. Had a m/c tryed again on purpose m/c again and then he left his wife. He told me we wanted to be with me and have a family got PG again (now 13 weeks) and I found out he is still talking to her and NEVER went to get a divorce. Now he doesn't know what he wants so i called his wife and told her and now i think he doesn't want anything to do with me. O well he should have thought about that before we PLANNED are baby. Anyway does he have any other childern?


diannav_81 - December 9

Hello all. This is my first time on this site and I find myself in the same situation...kinda. I got pregnant by a married man. I delivered a beautiful baby girl this August. I still go through so much everyday and cannot detach myself from him as much as I try. (we now live in different states but we speak on the phone daily). He lied to me from day one.....first he said he wasn't married, then after intense questioning him for different fishy things he did he told me he was separated and had moved into his mom's house while he got on his feet. Told me he couldn't bring me around fam because it was too soon and his mom and his 'ex' had a great relationship......too much to even mention happened. We saw each other daily...fell in love. Long story short I got pregnant after 6mo of being together. He asked me to have an abortion...i didn't. He told his wife (whom he was NEVER seperated from) she called me, I told her everything. She still stayed with him "for the kids" and security. Even after all the deceit, I still love him and can't let go. We agreed to keep in contact as friends because we now have a child together but I know I keep talking to him because I can't even think about totally ridding him of my life and i feel that he still really care about me (maybe I'm still in denial after everything. It has now been 1 1/2 yrs since we met/date/had baby and to this day we've talked on the phone daily. Its like a bad addiction that I can't rid myself of. He manipulates me in everyway possible. He says he will never leave his kids ages 11 &13. He says he is not happy in his marriage but will wait until the kids go away to college to figure things out. He says he does not expect me to wait around for him but that if I date anyone else he will not talk to me unless its baby related. He says I'm his best friend and that he loves me. We spend hours talking on the phone about anything and everything. I just don't understand why he still keeps me around? Why does he keep calling me? Its not because of s_x because we haven't been together in that way since before the baby was born. I don't know what to do. Also, he asked me not to take him to child support and he helps me out financially. He gives me $400/monthly but if it were court ordered it would be over $600. He says that if Itook him to court he would lose his home because of all the debt he has and he can't afford to give me any more. And if he lost his home, he would lose his kids because his wife would leave him if the reason was for child support for a child out of marriage. Sometimes I wonder if the only reason he talks to me is so I don't take him to court. Any advice would truly help.


diannav_81 - December 9

If anybody would like to e-mail me, my e-mail address is diannav_99 (at) hotmail


FutureTwinMom - December 10

You are truly one gullable person aren't you! You let him have his cake, eat it too, and and have ice cream on the side. Wake up. He has told you directly. HE WILL NEVER LEAVE HIS WIFE. He is happy in his marriage and loves his wife or he would have left her already. I can imagine what he has told her about you! probably something like, one time fling. It will never happen again..... So why does he want to talk to you every day? It sounds like he is bored. I know I don't want to talk to my husband too much on the phone and have just a friendly conversation. I am too busy with the kids and my own life. I know I can be a real -itch sometimes. This guy has someone to talk too. A friendly voice during the day. FINALLY Get on with your life. Date other people (That are not married) Get away from Mr. Loser. He has no plans on ever being with you seriously, so move on. FILE FOR CHILD SUPPORT. Of course he doesn't want you to have your fair share. Who do you think is telling him to say this? I will give you a hint it's not his financial advisor. He helped make this baby. He needs to fullfill his obligations. He and his wife probably have much more than what they are telling you. You are just their little problem on the side. Don't let him fool you with his lies. Move on.


Green_Eyed_Momma - December 24

FutureTwinMom- I was wondering,since you say you never want to talk to your husband on the phone would it be ok for him to call the other woman he got pregnant while with you?I dont think you should be so harsh because this subject is very touchy.I cant believe how grown women can sit on a computer and act so childish.Dont anyone have other things to do then to talk trash on some website when no one cares how YOU feel about them.WOMEN GROW UP!!! Anyways men cheat they do women wrong,why blame only one person here?



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