Pregnant From A One Night Stand

69 Replies
123abc - February 24

i'm a woman and i somewhat agree with ajh ... it p__ses me off when women get pregnanted by this dumb men and then come on these boards and complain how life is tough and how they are suffering cuz the guy is being an idiot, etc.. You put yourself in that situation sweetheart... I would NEVER put myself into a situation of getting pregnant unless i was absolutely sure that I could do it myself. I would NEVER get pregnant w/out making sure that my child is taken care of and to me that means being married, having a stable job as well as being able to support myself if I need to. If I was to ever break up with my husband, I would NEVER deny him the right to see his child... Being drunk and conceiving a child is no excuse.. Yeah, tell that to your kids.. u were born bcuz mommy was drunk and was out of it... It's nasty, i get sick of thinking about it.... and with unexpected pregnancies come unexpected problems.. You're not financially ready for the baby, you have to go on welfare, depend on your family and of course, the daddy is nowhere to be found.. and why??? cuz he never wanted a child in a first place.. You got a child to trap him and get child support out of him and MAYBE, you will let him see the baby once in a while.. if u decide to sleep with this loser, what does that make you??? ajh - i am glad that there is at least one man (well 2 with my husband *lol*) that likes to take control of a situation and don't let anyone else dictate how you live your life.. I have waaay too many friends that have gotten themselves into a messy child custody battle and it's only cuz women are being b___hes and playing all these stupid games and using their kids as bargaining tools.. makes me sick.. not every woman is like that, but there are way too many to count... and i am totally for having 2 parents.. I don't have one single family member (including extended family) that has had a divorce and same with dh's family... I do not believe in divorces.. I come from a different culture and I get so worked up when I see people getting divorces left right and center... I married my dh after 2.5 months of knowing him and we just celebrated our 4 year anniversary.. anyways, i'm going all over the place, just wanted to say that I agree with most of the things that ajh has said..


Cat24 - February 26

123abc i think you are coming across as a bit patronising and a little outdated regarding this matter. no individual persons circ_mstances are ever the same as anothers so to put them all in the 'dumb' box as if the blame lies entirely with them in my opinion is wrong. i do agree with you that there are vulnerable women out there who seem to get themselves into these situations and blame the father when in reality it was a mistake they both made together. it must be awful for a child to think he/she was a mistaken drunken one night stand, but that is not to say that that child cannot be looked after exceptionally well and loved to pieces by his/her mother and family. nowadays the divorce rate is high and there are more single parent families. we must not forget the fact that not all single mums are single because they got pregnant by mistake or got divorced, i feel for the ones who are widowed at a young age and then frowned upon for being in the cateogory of a 'single mother', as if a single mother couldn't bring up her child as well as a couple who are married. many marriages are kept together for the wrong reasons and i have seen this myself, domestic violence and abuse, but people on the outside look at them and think 'oh they are married so their children will be brought up wonderfully'! not necessarily the case. of course it is ideal to be having a child with the man you love, nothing could beat that but a t_tle of 'mr & mrs' doesn't automatically make them better parents in comparison to a single parent family. it is also very easy to say 'i would never be in that situation' because one should never say never. you do not know what you will encounter throughout life's journey and often what you think you will 'never' do and what ends up happening can be far apart. people are always quick to judge in these matters and i feel very worried for eponine's situation, its obviously a terrible situation to be in. what we don't need is people who are ignorant about it though but people who can have an open mind and try to understand that everybody's circ_mstances are different.


COLLEEN084 - February 26

never say never 123abc. it may not happen to you but rather a loved one, a dear friend. theres no need to get p__sed off. Unfortunately many women need to "live and learn" but that does not make them bad people...especially if they ARE stepping up to their responsibilities...and EVEN if they say things are "tough" once in awhile. Stop it with the high and mighty jargon


Teddyfinch - February 27

i think 123abc is ajh. and if not, then oh well. i don't care if people look down on divorce. there are reasons for it. it happens. and i'm sorry, but i had no intentions of staying with someone who beat me on a daily basis. and had i known he would, i would have never married him. so i divorced him and now i'm with the right guy. i can't stand people who point their noses up at someone else's situation. (referring of course to 123abc)


Xndra - February 27

ABC123, You sit there judging women who are in an unfortunate situation as if they asked for it. Not all women got pregnant while intoxicated. (I take it you don't drink otherwise you'd be a hypocrit) Some women were very much in-love, married, have been in a relationship for a long time, or widowed and starting anew. You have so much to say about something you have no experience about. If you read further throughout this forum, you'll see that some women put in YEARS of dedication into their marriage, planned a pregnancy only for their HUSBANDS to skip out when she finally got pregnant. And they all had one thing in common.. they NEVER saw it coming. I see you've only known your husband 2.5 months before you went off and got married. (hmm??) It's great that your marriage is working out just fine, but you haven't even crossed the bridge of having children yet? If so.. what was the outcome?. A child changes everything. It is so easy to JUDGE others when you're not in their shoes...(not saying that this will happen to you) But come time when life gets tough and you don't know what to do, well....just know that there's always going to be forums like this one you can turn to. Hopefully nobody kicks you while you're down. My question to you is.." if you're not single and pregnant, why are you on here bashing away??"


123abc - March 8

Teddyfinch | Date: February 27, 2008, 3:42 Answer: i think 123abc is ajh. and if not, then oh well. ~~~ well, i'm not ajh, but I do agree with him with most points.. Xndra " Not all women got pregnant while intoxicated. (I take it you don't drink otherwise you'd be a hypocrit)" Regardless of whether you are drunk, every time you have s_x (with the exception of rape), you are aware of the possibility of getting pregnant. I HATE when women WHINE about their situation.. I've been reading this forum for years now and this particular section is nothing but MEN bashing.. Yes, this website will only bring those ladies that are having some hardships with their ex's or father of their children, but women need to take responsibility for their actions. My baby boy just turned 1 last Saturday and the reason why i'm in this forum is that my husband is going through this mess w/ a girl that got pregnant from a one night stand.. So I'm always interested to find out WHY is it that this woman will not ALLOW my husband to meet her daughter and will go through EXTRA trouble to disappear. Meanwhile my husband has been paying child support for the past 2.5 years. We found out that she was pregnant right when I started dating him.. His daughter will be turning 4 in couple of months and he has yet to meet her.. We have tried now for 3 years to see his little girl only to be met with resistance.. If this girl wanted a sperm donor, WHY would she even bother to contact him? oh wait, child support... or was it welfare that forced her to fess out the name.. whichever.. My husband (and myself) are ok with him having a daughter and we wait for the day that we will finally meet her.. So it p__ses me off when I read stories of women here that get pregnant by married man, or they whine how the guy is nothing but trouble.. Some are legitimate, but others are just plain stupid.. I don't judge, but I just want to see what goes in the minds of these ladies.. Also, my job deals with a lot of guys (and no i'm not a lawyer or anything similar to that), but I hear all these stories about guys not being able to see their children whenever they want, and also these woman they play games in order to get more money or whatever.. my best friend's sister abused welfare for 7 years, made 4 grand a month sitting on her a$$... my husband's one night stand was on welfare for 4 years now... so to give you an idea, i'm all for responsible men and women, but ladies give those guys a chance. That's all I'm saying.. I'm a little biased with my husband's situation and seriously, I feel like slapping this woman when I see her.. What right does she have to keep his child away?? He's never done anything, it was a one night stand.. They knew each other from previous work. we've gone through great lengths to find her and he just came from a court date where she was served by a sheriff.. Luckily, she's showing up in court (this was our 2nd date) and the judge was SO PISSED off at her.. the judge has forced her to give him her phone # and address and we are to get a picture of his daughter soon.. she's also to get a social insurance number so that we can add his daughter to our RESP plan (for his daughter and our son's education).. my husband is a very responsible man and wants to take care of his daughter. I have a heart and I feel so bad that there is a girl out there that has to be on welfare because of her mother's issues.. We want to get her things, we want to spend time with her.. get her to meet her brother.. So i'm sorry if i came across as judging.. but it's just certain ladies that get on my nerves and I guess I just don't understand the concept of getting pregnant and then complaining about it.. if you're going to get pregnant do so with the intention of knowing that you will be able to take care of that child. Don't bash the guys.. do it on your own.. if they chose to help great, if not, their loss.. I'm just tired of seeing the men being the bad guys, that's all. There are so many resources for women, but guys are always made out to be bad.. Almost every story I read it has to do with what what women are feeling and you can't see him and blah blah... u don't need to see him.. have a family member or a friend take ur child, or there are so many arrangements that can be made.. But anyways.. as i said.. i'm not perfect or anything, but i know that if i was to ever separate, i will be able to take care of my son on my own.. I have a stable job, savings, my son's education as well as life insurance should something happen to me.. also read the post... the guy might be angry because she wasn't on any birth control.. come on now... this is what i say is asking for trouble.. and these are the ladies that p__s me off..


123abc - March 8

i meant to meet his daughter...


Teddyfinch - March 9

i'm sorry, not secretly lesbian. secretly a woman hating man.


123abc - March 9

and you are so much better, attacking me w/out even knowing the details.. I'm sure you know a lot of strippers that think of their future rather then thinking of their next job... i'm simply stating that I do not like (or hate) the fact that some women out there will get pregnant just to trap a guy... I don't have to be a woman or a man to see that.. I'm well educated (have a degree in computer science) and my husband had protection at the time but we all know that those are not 100%... guess lesson learned.. my point about him is that he's trying to take care of his daughter, but this woman won't let him.. what do you say about that? or is the woman RIGHT not to allow her daughter not to know anything about her dad?? the whole point of my post is be ready to deal with consequences. if you're going to bring a child into this life, be ready to deal with it. Some children are planned for, some are not. But they are all lovely and great.. But it's the adults that make everything complicated. and what did i say about you... ? u simply said that you thought I was ajh and i just told you that I wasn't.. Why would I call his daughter MY daughter..? she's not my daughter.. why would I want some other woman calling my SON her son... wth? I will treat my husband's daughter as my own and I will do anything for her, when we get a chance.. She is part of him. It's obvious your first reaction is to bash my husband even tho I had told you that this woman is purposely trying to keep him out of his daughter's life. So in your mind that is ok..? I don't need to hate my own gender, I just don't like certain type of people.. That doesn't make me a bad person, I'm just stating that I don't like people that go out to hurt other people.. If a guy was abusing a girl, I wouldn't like him either.. I guess because I was not raised in North America I have different outlook on life and I was brought up entirely different. Nobody in my family has ever divorced (including extended family) and where my husband is from you stay married till u die. So excuse me for believing in raising my son in a stable relationship and wanting to provide for my husband's daughter. He made one mistake by having a one night stand, but at least he's a man and wanting to take care of his daughter. There are many out there that can't, but there are also many out there that want to, but are not able.


123abc - March 9

i mean there are many men out there that don't take care of their kids, but there are also a lot that do.. Guess the nature of this site is to bring out all the bad ones. I just feel sorry for men.. i mean, how about you have a child, hand them over to your ex, send ur child support and see your baby whenever your ex says it's ok.. and if ur ex says ummm, no that doesn't work for me, let's see how you'd feel then.. I just have waaay too many friends in this predictament and the nature of my work I hear a lot about it. I do have a few friends that are separated that think about their kids and put their differences aside.. and you can see that the kid is much happier with this scenario (if u r separated) rather than parents going at it. One of my husband's friends who is a guy actually got custody of his daughter, but his daughter is free to chose whatever she wants.. She can stay with him or mom, they are both very flexible. We need to see more of that..


Teddyfinch - March 10

i know i said i wouldn't reply again, but i have to comment. i'm not saying that the woman with your hubby's baby is in the right at all. she's just being an idiot and has some idea in her head that that will teach him for her getting loose one night. i can't remember and hate to reread the novel, but did he have a dna test to make sure it's his? if so and she is, then a court hearing is all you can really do. because the way the stupid law works is they seem to think that a child is better off with the mother than the father, even when the father is the better parent. now, i'm not sure if you want this child in your life, but i hope for her sake that the courts take her away from the mom and give her to the dad because at least she'd have a daddy AND a mommy. the reason i say you should call her your daughter is the same reason parents call stepchildren theirs. you married him accepting him and his past. no one should call your son theirs unless they became a step parent and i know you haven't adopted her. your opinions on divorce really don't mean anything to me either. i mean no, i don't think people should marry so fast that it ends 2 and a half days later, but there are always circ_mstances. would you stay with a man that strangled you and beat you on a daily basis? no, and neither did i. that's a pretty good reason, i'd say. i don't think your hubby is a bad guy and i'm glad he's owning up to his past. my ex had a baby by his next fling and he fled the state to keep from paying child support. some guy huh? anyway, i hope the courts take your husband's daughter away from the mother and gives her to you guys. just like your son, his daughter needs a stable family environment.


Teddyfinch - March 10

i also meant to say that the whole reason for this set of boards is to talk about being single and pregnant. if a guy came on here saying some chick tricked him into having s_x without protection and she got pregnant and now she's running him through for money, we'd take his side. that's the whole point of only hearing one side of the story. if your friend comes to you with a problem, do you say "well, no i think i better hear their side of the story before i support you"? no you give them support. THAT is the point of this site. not what you and that f__g fortune 500 idiot were saying.


COLLEEN084 - March 10

123abc: in your march 8th post you say you are a "little" bit biased b/c of your husbands situation. but based on everything else you said in that post I think it'd do you a world of good to admit you are EXTREMELY biased based on your husbands situation. From where I'm coming from, his situation seems rare for one where a child was created from a one night stand. Many men run, many men don't pay child support, and even moreso, MANY women who are searching for child support would love for the father to be a part of their childs lives--so they don't just get financial support but also emotional and physical. Please just admit you have a one sided view on the matter and you will not be attacked this way. I can at least admit that, although I have absolutely NO experience seeing or dealing with the types of women you explain, that it INDEED DOES happen. Just open your eyes a little and admit that the pigeonhold you have on single pregnant women needs to be lightened up a little.


COLLEEN084 - March 10

And I'd like to add that the women on here are not bashing men in general, we are bashing our man in particular. Personally, all I've done on here is state the truth and ask for support in return. And because of this, I think the word "bashing" you use is too harsh. If he looks like sh*t, smells like sh*t and acts like sh*t, he is, in turn, a piece of sh*t. There's no bashing involved, just truths. The LAST thing I'd like to add is that, as in your husbands case, you know firsthand that accidental pregnancies can occur, whether within a relationship or not. To our defense, this is absolutely NOT trapping a man...if having a baby were indeed actually "trapping" anything we'd have to admit we were trapping ourselves as well...and who the hell would volunteer themselves for that? Many women are in fact in relationships when suprise pregnancies pop up, only to find that their man was not the person she thought he was in the face of such an obstacle. The shock and grief that comes from this is not something that should be picked apart by the likes of you. I'm sorry you've had a bad experience with your husbands child and her mother, but understand single pregnant women have also had bad experiences as well. Can't you maybe just admit you are draping a HUGE stereotype on women here based on your extreme bias i referenced before?


hchaperon - March 10

I'm in a similar situation except that the father of my child is 1500kms away and we are only 25!!! we had gone to high school together and met up after not seeing each other for 7 1/2 years. and now we are going to have a baby and he has no idea!! i dont know how to tell this guy that im turning his life upside down!!!


123abc - March 10

actually i wouldn't call her his ex.. *lol*



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