Question About Government Assistance

35 Replies
LonelyTears - February 7

Im currently 20 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend left when I found out at 6 weeks pregnant. He told me he didnt want to be a father right now and it was embarassing to have a child out of "wedlock" (his family is deeply religious) He has since moved to another state and is attending a religious college (yea go figure!) I plan to give my daughter my last name and Im not going to list him on her birth certificate as father..but my question order to keep her benefits, until I graduate college this winter, wont I HAVE to supply his information? If I supply his info they are going to make me file child support and then I will have to deal with him! If I dont pursue him I know that he will just go away but if they go after him he is going to get his parents to fight me for this child! If I tell them I dont know who the father is or just his first name will they let me keep my benefits?


g - February 7

Im in Tx and they automatically went over the father's info and sent it to the Attorney General when my daughter was a year. That gave my ex joint custody and all his weekends,Holidays yeah i get child support off an on for years but like i said,he's got his rights. So they might tell you they will not send the info but i am pretty sure they will. If you state you dont know who the father is and apply then they shouldnt turn you down. You cant give any names even the first because then they will be even more determined to search for him. So be careful and sure what you are going to do. Good luck.


frankschick2001 - February 8

Guys like this make me really angry. His family "religious-ness" obvioulsy did not prevent him from having s_x "out of wedlock" did it? He's using religion as an excuse to get out of his responsibilities. Leaving the mother of his child to fend for herself is not a very Christian thing to do, so he should re-think why he is attending a religious inst_tution. I say, go after him with all your might. List him as the fatehr on the birth certificate no matter what or else later on, if you do plan to go after him, the fact that he is not listed as the father on the certificate will just cause delays and they'll question why you didn't do it. It's just a piece of paper. List him on it. If only to make things easier for you later. Plus, like G says, he has rights too and may want visitation later so try as hard as you can to keep things civil. I know I would have a hard time being civil with him, but try anyway. In the big picture, your child may want to know and have a relationship with him, so don't put up any roadblocks for him, ya know? Be strong.


Thanks - February 8

You know it really p__ses me off when women say "oh because I don't want to deal with him" I'm not going to supply his name so I can go on some type of public a__sistance." I don't care what a__sistance you go for he is the father and it's HIS responsibility to pay child support. It's not my responsibility to support your child when you know d__n well who the father is. Let's see I'm a single mother who doesn't want to deal with the father so I'll get the state to pay or to help pay for daycare, food, shelter, health insurance or what ever your asking. I work d__n hard for my money so does my husband even though we own a house, 2 cars and both make a good income, we still have to buget very carefully because even though our child will have to be in daycare for 2 to 3 hours a day we still have to pay full price. We also have to pay full price for health insurance, we don't get any type of benefits or discounts. Do you think we can get that type of help. Hell no because it's going to people like you. You got yourself in this situation so bit the bullet and go after him for child support. I don't mean to be rude or to lash out at you but why should the rest of us who don't qualify for anything support those who could get the help but chose not to because they don't want to deal. I don't get it. I know I'm going to get a lot of angry posters but if you can explain this type of situation to me I'm willing to have an open mind. But keep in mind that I'm not talking about every situation just this one.


renee - February 8

I remember your last post. Im really glad you've decided to go on with the baby and finish up school. You've made an excellant choice. If I were you though I wouldn't try to just " let him go away " . Your letting him win . Of courses it's not about that...but frankschick is right, he is using religion as an excuse ! Don't let him walk away and leave you hanging, MAKE HIM take responsibility. And why are you soo paranoid about his parents taking the child from you? Are you just one of those kinds of girls who gets something going in your mind and thinks it's real? I had a friend like that once. OR.... have his parents ever said anything to you that would make you think they'd do that? It's obvious your ex doesn't want to be a father, so why in the world would his parents take the child from you? It doesn't make sense. He may be a religious hyprocrite but are his parents? You can't just ignore the situation and hope it goes away cuz it never will. Your afraid of his parents but yet you haven't even talked to them yet. Your just making a__sumptions. Stand up for your rights! Tell his parents, and MAKE HIM PAY CHILD SUPPORT !


renee - February 8

excuse the" go on with your baby & finish up school " part. I was thinking of another post but I do remember yours cuz I posted a response. Once again be strong and quit backing down. Grow a backbone ! Who cares if you make your ex mad. This isn't about him !!!!!! It's about your daughter !


LonelyTears - February 8

In response to "thanks" . You really dont know what the hell you are talking about. Too bad that you dont qualify for public a__sistance and that is not my problem! I am a college student about to graduate in May with HONORS! If I need help for myself and my child you are d__n right I am going to take it, why shouldnt I? I am not the bad guy here and i didnt "get myself into this situation" this is a man that I have been with for well over a year... He became verbally and physically abusive to me and I walked away from him! And he doesnt want to be apart of her life anyways..why should I hunt him down and make things easy for him to waltz in and out of my child's life so he can ruin her childhood? He is a very vindictive person and acts like a psychopath using his religion as an excuse for everything! Im protecting my daughter and I dont give a c___p what you think of me.. To everyone else..His parents are wealthy and "religious" I didnt mean that they would actually take the baby from me but force me to give them visitation, etc etc.. I dont know these people, I only know what he has told me about them and he is so screwed up because they abused him as a child.. They would think it was the right thing to do to try and move in on me and my kid..If you guys dont get it, it doesnt matter..It is a very complicated situation and until you live it or go through it you wouldnt understand..I wont ask for anymore advice.


to LonelyTears - February 9

Don't let one persons comment discourage you from seeking advice. There are a lot of women on this site who generally care. I had a mean and hurtful response to one of my post one time and it really p__sed me off as well. Remember that everyone is ent_tled to there opinion, but until they walk a day in your shoes they will never truly understand your situation. I was in a similar situation when I had my first child some time ago. I needed help, although I worked full time and also went to school but it just wasn’t enough at the time to make ends meet. I was also in a very difficult situation with the father and I did not supply his name to social services. I told them I did not know who the father was even though I did. I did not want this man to have any rights to my daughter. I did not receive a__sistance long because I began to make too much money and no longer qualified. All of us who work pay taxes and I feel that I’ve worked long and hard enough to be ent_tled to collect benefits and not feel guilty about doing so. Question: would you rather help a concerned single mother in a desperate situation who did not supply the fathers name because she feared for the child’s wellbeing, or would you rather support a crack addicted mom with multiple children who reports who the father is but that man doesn’t work to support his kids so we do? There are always worse situations and everyone is always going to judge even though they shouldn’t. I know I will receive angry responses to this but who cares. I’m unable to receive any kind of a__sistance because I’m over the income eligibility limit but I have no problem with my tax money going towards supporting a truly concerned mom who needs temporary help in her situation. Best of luck to you and do what you feel you must do!!!


Thanks - February 9

You said in your initial post that HE LEFT YOU when he found out you were pregnant, now you’re saying that he was verbally and physically abusive and you left him? So what's the real story? You’re not being completely honest because if you were you would have stated the abuse in your original post. That's a pretty important detail that you forgot to mention. As far as my comment about you getting yourself in this situation, if you’re claiming that he was physically and verbally abusive why in the hell would you have a child with him? I bet you're going to say that he wasn't abusive until after he found out you were pregnant or we were using birth control but it didn't work. You posted a question that you wanted advice too, I gave advice on what was given. One more thing, I have no issues with not qualifying for any public a__sistance trust me, I would never put myself in a situation where I would have too. That’s just me and I don’t expect anybody else to do the same, every situation is different. I completely understand that things do happen that you don’t expect, it's obvious that if there is any type of abuse or if you feel that this person will do harm to your child then yes you do need to get out of the situation you’re in. But that’s not what we are talking about. What I got from your post was he left you because he didn’t want or wasn’t ready to be a parent and because of your fear of his parents, you did not want to supply his name and therefore receive state a__sistance. I’m sorry but you got pregnant by a not so good man, but that was a mistake on your part, so again why do the tax payers have to pay for your mistake? Why do we have to pay just because you don’t want to deal with him or his family? I’m truly sorry that you’re in this situation and I don’t know what you’re going through but I’m looking at it as we all make mistakes and life sometimes throws things are way, but thats when you have to stand up and take responsibility for your part. As to the person who responded to you on February 9th, I don’t have an issue with my tax money going to help someone on a temporary basis. But again LonleyTears original post left out some important information, I replied based on the information given and yes I do have issues with women who don’t want to supply the fathers name for no other reason but they don’t want to be involved with them anymore and decide to use state a__sistance to help support them instead of the father. It’s the mother and fathers responsibility to support that child not the mother and the state. I don’t think she is being honest at all, I think that she read my post and got upset, so to make herself feel better and look better, she added that she was abused after the fact.


To Thanks - February 9

Wow it must be soo nice living in your silver spoon life. I can tell your one of those people who thinks because they got somewhere in life that everyone else in the world are lazy excuse makers expecting a handout, working the system, survivng off folks like you. How self righteous you are. I wish I was as perfect as you. Damn, you have your own house, 2 cars, 2 incomes. You are sooo lucky ! That is also real commendable for you to tell Lonely Tears to bite the bullet and she made a mistake by getting pregnant. Sure, she probably should've been on birth control if she wasn't considering she's still in college but not everyone lives in your prefect world. She has every right to a__sistance. So do I. Actually, I just received my medicaid, now im going to apply for food stamps and daycare a__sistance all at your expense !!! Thank you soo much for working as hard as you do, I really appreciate it !!!!


To to Thanks - February 9

Can you point out where I said that people of welfare are lazy? Did I say that because I have a home, car and a good income that I’m better then anybody else? You can say that I’m being rude and self righteous but I have what I have because I worked d__n hard. It had nothing to do with luck. As far as my post, what I said was if someone is in need of temporary a__sistance, I have no issues with that. That is what welfare was meant for. But if you know who the father is and choose not to disclose that information just because you don’t want to deal with the father, then you are abusing the system. I think I made it very clear that I was not talking about any other situation but the original post of LonelyTears. One more thing, the comment you made about you being on Medicaid, food stamps and daycare a__sistance. I’m a__suming you’re also on section 8, good for you I’m sure you’re very proud of yourself, I’m sure that it must feel real good knowing that you’re not able to support you’re child or children on your own. So the fact that my tax money is going to someone like you doesn’t bother me a bit. It makes me feel even better knowing that I can support my child and that he will have more opportunities in life and that he will realize that hard work will get you further in life.


Q - February 9

I dont even know what section 8 is. And if wish I didn't have to get on all this a__sistance. I never imagined myself as that person. My baby's father pa__sed away a few months ago and im living paycheck to paycheck. I will be able to afford my own apartment, But after all the bills are paid I have no money for food or daycare. So ya gotta do what you gotta do. Im glad you worked hard. I work hard too. Now as to your post I never said you said people were lazy. I was making an a__sumption of your character based on your comments. To say your child will have more opportunities is ridiculous. You dont have to have " hard working, high income " parents to provide a child with great opportunites. I am by no means lazy or poor. I was in college for 3 years and had to drop out to care for a seriously ill parent. Before I had a chance to get back in school I got pregnant. So once again my " hard - working " att_tude must be directed elsewhere. You shouldn't be soo judgemental. Not everyone on welfare is the trash you might think they are.


Thanks - February 9

Q, I hope you don't think that I'm putting you down for your situation. The only situation I was referring to was LonelyTears's original post. I did not say nor do I think that all people on public a__sistance are trash. I’m only referring to people who abuse the system which in your case you are not. I don’t think I’m judgmental because once again I was ONLY talking about LonelyTears’s situation. You are right you don’t have to be hard working, high income parents to provide a child with great opportunities, and I do apologize for making that comment without explaining. I do however believe that children that are raised by women who live off the system their whole life do have a lot of disadvantages. They don’t see their parent striving for something better, they don’t see how hard the parent works to put food on the table and a roof over there heads. I can not make this any clearer I do not have issues with women going on any type of a__sistance on a temporary basis because that is what welfare was designed for. I only have issues with women who abuse the system and women like LonelyTears who said she did not want to deal with the father or his parents so she doesn’t want to put him on her child’s birth certificate. That does p__s me off because it’s his child and he is responsible to help support that child it’s not the tax payers responsibility. So in this case there is definite abuse of the system. Section 8 is subsidized housing.


Joni - February 9

I think the mother has been lost in all this arguing. I too have posed questions that may have been misinterpreted in part, or someone made a post that was highly judgemental of me rather than helpful or supportive. Not everyone is going to do that to you though. LonelyTears, you were hurt and deceived and I know how you feel. The father of my child I am now carrying used to attend church with me, has taken me across the country to meet and spend time with his parents and family, has supplied me with monetary a__sistance whenever I needed it and throughout our relationship commented that he would love to have a child with me. Now that I am pregnant, all of a sudden he is seeing someone new, is not willing to make any time for me in his life and only calls to see if I have decided to have an abortion yet. I understand your frustration with the father's sudden disappearance, but I want you to think of the future. Your child has a right to know who his/her father is and there are so many children in the world who really have no idea who their parents are. You will receive a__sistance if you supply his name, and regardless of what he thinks, it is time for him to step up to the plate. If he is as religious as he thinks he is, God will put it on his heart that he is responsible for the wellbeing of the child, and you really do not know how his parents will react to the news. They may want to support you and be a positive part of the child's life. If not, there is nothing they can do to take your child as long as you are being a responsible adult. I hope this helps!


Thanks - February 9

Joni, very well put!!


I agree with Thanks - February 9

I think "thanks" makes a really good point. I am a single mother. I never listed the father on the birth certificate. He doesn't even know her name. He did this not because I prevented it but because he never bothered to find out. I figured if he didn't want anything to do with her than that was his decision. I never persued a__sistance of any kind. I didn't persue a__sistance from him or from the government. But everyone isn't as strong as "thanks" and as I. Sometimes life throws these curve b___s and not everyone can catch them. It's unfortunate, but the strong really do support the weak. The fortunate thing is that welfare probably eats very little out of my paycheck.


frankschick2001 - February 13

I also agree with THANKS. What I believe she was saying in her origianl posting, is why do the taxpayers and the already over burdened systems have to pay for a__sistance, when obviously she can get money from the FATHER!!! Why should the state pick up his slack? It doesn't seem like LonelyTears is even exploring that option. And I don't think that THANKS was bragging at all. Since when is achieving great things something to be embara__sed about? Since when is wanting something that your child can be proud of something bad? And I sympathise with LonelyTears, I feel sorry that she is in this situation, but it didn't "just happen". Obviously this guy was a very bad guy and I am sure she knew this soon after meeting him. Don't worry THANKS, there ARE those of us who do understand what you were trying to say.



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