Red Flag

13 Replies
Jennifer - October 12

ok, i know what it is ike to be abused, but i am in a relationship now that is boarder line abusive. where do you draw the line when it comes to violence. is there such thing as a relationship without any violence whats-so-ever.. I have been through counciling for the past relationship, ,now i am pregnant and in the same sorta situtaion i just fought to get my self out of.. I seem to have the upper hand a bit more in this one but he grabbed my wrist last night and pulled me in towards hm and yelled at me. I was kinda scared and totaly told him off nd to never touch me like that agian.. he apoligised three times i still snubbed him. slept it off.. looked through some of my counciling books. woke up to a warm cuddling man, who again apoligised..... How far should it go though i wondered. is this the red flag my counciler talks about , seeing patterns.. Id say.. but now what...... do i give him another chance and let him break it next time, as my last husband did.... or trust him to never doit again..........i am three months preg.... a little emotional and confused, i was wondering if theres anyone out there with a clear head that could give me some input. perferably some one that can relate....... thanks.......Jennifer


Jewels - October 13

I think a man should never put his hands on you (or any woman) what so ever to try and get a point accross. Even if you are arguing. Since it seems that you have been through it already with your ex-husband, what where the signs that he gave you.....the first time he did something was it something small like this. (did you shrug it off and say to yourself ahhh its ok, he didnt mean it)? I personally would never let someone have the priviledge of being with me if they taught they could control me by force when I disagreed with them. Usually men that are abusive will say im sorry a hundred times after and they will do anything for forgiveness But will continue with the abuse. Its a up and down thing. If he is very controlling with you ....if you disagree with him and that gets him going to the point where he wants to hurt you then YES i would say this is a red flag.......You can be strong and get out of this situation if it is an abusive one. Better to be on your own than down the road being controlled and abused.


jennifer - October 13

thanks jewels thats excatly what i needed to hear pushes me closer to the door, I just wish there wasnt a baby involved , it makes it harder , he also said he was going to take the babyaway from me and its not even close to been born yet. and if i abort it its murder.. I tell him to leave my house and he pffts me off. my ex was the same thing something little, lihe that but never hit me till 10 yrs later.. i took it for 4 more years and left, lost the kids to him,he brainwashed them, I dotn want to repeat the past, I feel it sucks.......jen


Jewels - October 13

You are a strong women to have gone through all of that. If he's already threatening(sp) you that is not a good sign. Dont let the reason for you to stay be the house. If it is yours and you really dont want to be with him and are scared that he will do something you can call the cops to get him out. If it is you/his house get an appartment and get out of there. My mother is in a similar situation except for her it is more of a emotional abuse that she has been going through since she met my dad. He cheated on her and he did hit her a few times till she told him she would call the cops and he would be in jail. (he never touched her again after) but till this day she is scared of leaving him. He was very mentally abusive to us (3 kids) putting us down, never encouraging us. She wants him to leave but he will never leave. I hope things work out for you and wish you the best. There are so many other things out there to enjoy and worry about besides being with a man like this.


jewels - October 13

I also completely understand that it is much easier said than done.


Jennifer - October 18

hey jewels, I know it wont be easy. propably easier now, rather then wait, he is been nice now. so do I give him another chance.. it could be 10 yrs before he hits me. who knows...... so confused and this pregnancy doesnt help as my emotions are all over right now.. talk soon thanks for uo support, I wish your mom all the best, and my children are going through what your dad put you through right now as well.. i cant get them away from him,, they dont want to leave...hopeless. i just dont want the same deal with this aby and want to give him/her a chance for a happy life with both parents.. do you understand where i am coming from?.. Jen


jennifer - November 2

I did it < I kicked him out.. he s been gone since friday.He has led to me some much.. all this time.., I found out he was in debt 6000, to a chick . she wanted me to pay.... the dr said get rid of your stressll I totaly did.. I feel much better and strong now,,lthough i am doing this as a single mom of three, whoa going to be tough..;) he wont even be able to pay the support anyhow. better give myself a raise..:) thanks Jewels for ur support.


Jennifer - November 2

I wish you all the best honey, and way to go!!! I know it is not easy, but God has a plan for you so hang in there!!! I will be praying for you, baby, and the kids. Please email me if you need to PS: I was in an abusive marriage also; I left when he throw my little angel against the wall.


Tracy - November 2

Sorry I put your name not mine in the last post; this pregnancy is getting me girl.


Jennifer - November 2

One thing I never let him do was touch the kids. I am glad you got out as well.. good for you and ur i my thoughts too, i just cam from counciling and see said she could see the calmness all over me...... whew.. feel good..:)


Jewels - November 7

Jennifer that is happy that you kicked him out (right on!!! : ) ). Now you can enjoy your life with your kids and not feel trapped. Congrats. I wish you the best.


Jennifer - November 8

Thanks Jewels, for the wake up call too. you know this is a great support site sometimes.. and my chihuahua just had her puppies too,, she had four little sweethearts.. so tiny... another blessing..


suz - November 8

There IS such a thing as absolutely no violence in a relationship. Any guy that even man-handles you does not deserve you. When you find that perfect angel like i have found you will not believe it, you will be so happy! Good luck jennifer! and congrats for being so strong willed and not putting up with that treatment! I really admire and respect woman who have the guts to stand up for themselves! Congrats on the puppies too!!


jenn - November 13

thanks suz.. that means alot . Its not easy. specially being sick and nobody there to help you out, but ill be ok,, thanks for the support means alot to me.. take care and baby blessing to you, I do keep in contact with the babies mom and dad.. They are going to be first time grandparents, cant take that away from them..:)



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