Rocky Marriage Should I Keep The Baby

26 Replies
monkey426 - October 1

I'm 23 years old. My husband and I got married about 3 months ago. About 1 month ago we got into a huge fight and he left me. About two weeks ago he decided he wanted to try to work things out with me. A few days ago I found out that I'm pregnant. At first he was happy and excited, told all his family. But now after talking with friends of his who don't like me, he's asking me "Do you really want to do this?" We're in a very unstable situation. I'm not against abortion, but I don't want to get one. I'd like to keep the child, but I think his friends are telling him I only want it so I can somehow can keep him in my life even though he was the one who originally pushed for us to try and make a family so fast. I don't think our marriage will last, but how responsible would it be of me to bring a baby into all of this? I know I could survive with WIC and other programs, but what about the emotional well-being of my child, myself, and those around me? Any thoughts or insight?


kay101 - October 1

Have the two of you been together very long before you were married? Did you live together before that? I know if was tough for my husband and I when we first moved in together. We argued and fought all the time, but at the same time it was amazing always having him there. It takes a lot of work to be able to see somebody everyday, to accept their flaws, and try to tolerate their bad habits. We still have kinks here and there, but it's gotten a lot better. Sometimes it just takes time to adjust. As for your husbands friends- well screw them. It's your body and your baby and I think you should continue the pregnancy if that's what you want to do. Think about this - if you do have an abortion and things end up working out between the two of you, how would you feel? I had an abortion when I was 17 because we were broken up at the time and I was young, but things turned out ok with us and we're married now. I wouldn't base the decesion on one arguement. Men seem to be very scared of responsibilty when the idea is thrust upon them, but it could bring the two of you much closer in the end. Just make sure you consider the positives too with this decesion, not just the negative scenerios. Whatever choice you make, I hope things work out well for the two of you!


GimmeaBub - October 2

My ,Mum said to me when i decided to have a baby with Df , 'if things dont work out can you handle being a single mum'? Ofcourse my response was yes because I would love to be a mum no matter who is in my life. I think your at an ange to be abke to make it through, like you I am not against abortions. But if you want this baby you keep it, who cares what he's friends say, and if he is man enough he will tell them to bugger off and mind their own business, it's not their baby it's yours! However if you cant see a future with this guy you let him know NOW! because otherwise it will get worse and worse the further along you go, You dont want to have a tessful pregnancy! Do the right thing by yourself and your childs and make a responsible adult descion, I know it's nice to have Baby Dad in your life, but will he really be there in your life? Or will he pop in and out? Your young you can make it, and whatever choice you make it will be the best descion for you! Baby Juice


sarah21 - October 3

Kay and Gimmeabub gave great advice. You can't tell what the future holds, but an abortion is making a decision that will forever change it. Of course, having the baby changes it, too. I am against abortion-- I'm not afraid to say so. But only because statistics show that the majority of abortions are done not because of rape or medical problems, but out of convenience or because someone changes their mind about the pregnancy. I'm not saying that is your situation at all-- that isn't my point. My point is, I don't think an abortion, terminating a life, is the right decision. It is ultimately up to you, just really weigh your options before you decide. And also know that men change with babies. They get stressed out and whacked out at the thought of having one while you're pregnant, but they change so much when the baby is actually in their arms, looking at them with such trust.


Elisabeth S - October 7

do what is right for you....if you can find a way to support the baby do it....if you don't think you can give the child the best life, I am completely pro-choice.....I firmly believe in a woman's right to choose . if you terminate the pregnancy then when you do have a baby later it will be the same little soul that comes aren't taking away a life at all don't listen to that is a cluster of the age of 40, 50% of all women have had a abortion. sometimes it needs to be done..the baby will wait till you are ready ...if you abort just make sure it is really early, either option is ok, just choose the one that you will be ok with for the rest of your life....really weigh your options...I've had an abortion and am very comfortable with my decision even though it was very difficult...., it is not all about convienance...I could not financially support myself, let alone a baby, and I had just broken my lower is every woman's personal decision and there should be NO religious views pushed here....


docbytch - October 8

Right on Elisabeth!! I second you gladly!


sarah21 - October 10

Elisabeth, when does a cluster of cells become more than a cluster of cells and into a child? When there is a heartbeat? When there are brain waves? What is the magic point?


jennifer_33106 - October 11



January - October 14

My advice is get rid of the husband and keep the baby.


tish212 - October 15

I have to agree...when me and hubby first got together our relationship was very rocky I was sure we would never last...but here we r 7 almost 8 years later happily married not arguing anymore and expecting our first child ... I would say keep the baby...I think it is a sign that u 2 need to pull together and that he should separate himself from the friends that don't like u...u r his wife..he chose to marry u and said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with u should come b4 his friends... either way...I think u should keep the baby..u have the heart to make it so no matter how it turns the end it will work out for u and the baby..I'm sorry ur marriage started out so badly...but if u love him and believe he truly loves u..try to stick it out...follow ur heart always leads u where u need to go...and please everyone this is not a debate board for abortion... everyone has the right to their opinion just don't push it on to everyone sweetheart keep us posted ...hugs


HeavenisMine - October 16

Ah yes, the last man I was with let his "friends" influence him, and dictate most of his decisions, thank God we weren't married. The decision is ultimately yours in the end of course, if it were me I'd do what January said, keep the baby since obviously baby is not at fault, and rid myself of any more stress (i.e husband). I am sorry it had to fall into place this way....just focus now on what is most important to you and know you have my best wishes.


Elisabeth S - November 4

there is a difference, sarah 21, between being 5 weeks along or 3 months.....women really should not have to give birth if they don't want to...sometimes accidents with me, and i have A BROKEN BACK!!! my back is was i supposed to carry to term? i even tried to get the morning after pill....4 days later, i was on an island in st. johns and couldnt get it there and the condom broke. the pharmacist told me it was too late and i couldnt take it...turns out he was wrong, i could have taken it and avoiding this mess. i happened....if women use abortion as birth conrol, that is a HUGE problem, but otherwise, things happen, as long as it is early , it is my mind...we have a right to choose and that is important......if its 5-6 weeks along...give a girl a break....not all of us are religious and i know the same child will come back again....women deserve their right to choose!!!! so no judegements on that here, please...women are having enough trouble deciding, we shold support either decision, unless they are far along or something....


HeatherIsHopeful - November 13

right on Elisabeth... Im with you on this one... personally I wouldn't get an abortion but like I said thats my PERSONAL belief and decision. I think every woman should have a right to choose. anyway... whether or not you are for or against abortion the real point here is never ever make a decision this big because of a guy ever. it is your life and your baby regardless of him and trust me you can make it work if you try. either way I wish you luck and happiness. also Elisabeth the thing you said about the little soul coming back That is the sweetest thing I have ever heard.. I read a story on the miscarriage and pregnancy loss forum and there was a whole story on it and it made me cry. anyway good luck!!! -Heather<3


Elisabeth S - November 15

thanks HeatherisHopeful.....isn't that kind of a calming way to view it all? That a miscarriage or abortion is not the end....that the baby will come back...if someone is meant to be born, they will be eventually....I am not a specific religion, but very spiritual and several spiritual healers have explained this to me and i love helps everyone deal with loss and i think it is true...because if a soul is meant to be born, it will be, but sometimes it is just not the right time and the baby understands and will come back later. I know a woman who had an abortion at age 18 or something, she gave birth at 30 and when her daughter was about 5 she sais "mommy...why did you wait so long to have me? i tried to come earlier!" haha isnt that a trip? Sometimes it is just not a good time...and as women we have a choice, as long is it is responsible and not a birth control method and early anyone who has had a loss, you will have that baby some day.... good luck Monkey and i hope this helps you...when the time is right you will be a great mom...whether it is NOW or down the road....


meredith880 - November 23

reguards to "Elisabeth S" It is so not true that if you get pregnant again after an abortion that you get pregnant with the same "soul" nor is it true that its a cluster of cells. From the moment of conception that baby has a beating heart and is ALIVE. Also why dont i see anyone suggesting this girl put her baby up for adoption? There are SO MANY couples out there wanting babies that cant have thier own. She could also choose to be a part of the babies life. There are so many other options and no reason for abortion. Enough said


Elisabeth S - December 4

because sometimes women cannot PHYSICALLY CARRY THE BABY! sometimes thats why women cant give it up for adoption....there are many reasons, actually...its not all so simple...if i could have carried it, i would have kept it....just be supportive of her, people act like adoption is so easy...its not! every option is a very diffcult one...we are here to be supportive and loving....yeah., people want to adopt children that can't have their own, meridyth 880, so do i see you in China or South America adopting those babies that really need homes???? no, i don' stop judging everybody...go save some children in foster care or adopt an orphan in africa and stop being mean to people who can't do what you want them to do...if youre preaching adoption so much, then go adopt, or help people who can't conceive find a baby from anpther country


FutureTwinMom - December 5

I know for a fact that if I got pregnant again, my husband would refuse to let me give the baby up for adoption. Since he is out of town most of the time, I would be stuck caring for a baby I didn't want. My hands are full as it is. The baby would not get the attention it deserves and would be left on the back burner. I would be frustrated and angry all the time. Now is this better than not being born at all?



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