Separate Pregnant And Considering Abortion

15 Replies
Jen - January 21

My husband and I separated in July 2004 and I moved out of the state. In October, when I went back to retreive my stuff, we had s_x which resulted in a pregnancy. He's gone back and forth about wanting to get back together. I've told him that getting back together for a child is a terrible idea. If we can't make it work on our own, bringing a child into the situation can't make it better. And if he's miserable together, it will only make me and the child miserable. Ultimately, he decided not to get back together. I am now 16 weeks along and have scheduled an abortion. I cannot have this baby on my own. I will not have the vacation/sick time saved up at work to take more than a week or two off post-partum, and it would kill me to send a newborn to daycare. I think my work would allow me to take off more time, but it would be unpaid and I would have no way to pay rent, utilities, car payment, etc. I know my husband would help out financially, but I couldn't expect him to pay my bills. I am a very independent person and moving back in with my parents is not an option. I can think of no feasible way to have this baby without being very stressed out about EVERYTHING. I feel that this is the time I should be starting my life over, as a single person. Having a baby would mean I'm moving on from one commitment to another, and I don't think I'm ready for that. I don't mean to sound so selfish, but if/when I have a child, I want to be 100% ready and not have so many unknowns about it. On the other hand, I know on some level I will regret having an abortion and that if forced to, I could handle having a baby on my own. Is there anyone out there who is going through a similar situation?


To Jen - January 21

Hi, I had an abortion a few years ago but under different circ_mstances. I can tell you this from my experience, if you are not sure about the decision you make you will end up regretting it. I don’t regret my decision as I know I did the right thing at the time and I strongly believe that at the time I was unprepared to have a child. I refused to bring a child to this world that I knew I could not provide the best for. You should visit this web site….it is very supportive When a person is forced to, you can put your self through anything, but in your case after a separation/divorce if you go ahead with having a baby instead of doing what you need to do in order to put your life in back together you run the risk of becoming depressed. I don’t know what your history is like, or your personality but I have seen women go through this, and it is not a pretty site and in some cases not healthy for the baby. I wish you the best and strongly suggest visiting that sight. This is a hard enough decision to make as it is so don’t allow anyone to judge you or change your mind. There are a lot of anti abortion groups out there that will try and scare the living daylights out of you…so be very careful about that. In what ever you choose to do, just remember that you are not alone and there are others out there….single mothers who have great success stories as well as women who have had abortions and are leading healthy lives.


moe - January 21

honey please don't get an abortion! I once was a single mom I went throught the whole pregnancy by myself and abortion didn't even cross my mind but thats me. Just think of the living growing baby inside of you you are 16 wks you can even tell what s_x it is. I think that you will regret it and it will probably always haunt you it's not that bad being a single parent. Being a Mom is the best feeling in the world and when you first hold you baby you'll think how glad you were that you went through with having it. I am no anti-abortion group or anything I am just a working mom of 2 children. One is only 4 mo and the other 4yrs old. And it wouldn't hurt if your husband helped with the bills you are going to be out of work because you had his child and you can always find someone besides a daycare that will watch your newborn, you should look on the bright side that you are carrying a little human being and I encourage you not to get an abortion! When I first started reading your little story the first thing that I thought of was that your to far along to even consider an abortion just really think about and keep us updated and I hope you make the right decision and What does your husband think????


Jen - January 21

Moe: I appreciate your opinion, but one thing I don't understand is why no one expects pregnancy to be considered with any common sense or logic. You're not the first person to tell me, "Go ahead and have the child (even if you don't have any money, are currently living paycheck to paycheck, want to remain independent since you have yet to go through a divorce, don't have the support of a partner, don't know how you're going to feed yourself, etc.)." If I was considering buying a really expensive car, people wouldn't hesitate to question if I'd thought of how I'm going to make the monthly payment or pay for insurance. And having a child is a million times more important, yet no one questions how I'm going to get through it on my own. Shouldn't the reason for having a child be other than you'll regret having an abortion and you'll love the child as soon as you hold it?


jat - January 21

There is not a wrong or right answer. If you are even questioning your own decision, maybe you need to do some deep soul searching and figure out what you can live with best. You are trying to justify why you should not have your baby and want others to help you justify your reasons. The choice is yours and you are the one that will live with your choices. Finacially you always find a way to take care of your children planned or unplanned. Gods plans don't always coincide with our plans and sometimes we have to trust God plan over mans plan. Whatever you do, do it for you and only you. You are the one that will live with your choice. If you have strong doubt don't have an abortion, it may not be a chpice you can live with. Good luck, you have some tough chocies to make - take time to make the right one for yourself.


to Jen - January 21

Hi, I'm the first one who replied to you. You are absolutely right; if you were buying a car someone would have surely stopped you by now. A lot of people can make it with being a single mother...but some of those women have a lot of issues to deal with (financial, mental, emotional, and health issues). It will certainly be a hard road ahead no matter what you choose – but one will last a lifetime and the other will just be thought of or just a memory in the long run. But I personally would not take chances on my health because that will reflect on the child later on as well. I refuse to lead a bitter life because I have seen women go through it with their children…there is no question that their kids were loved and cared for but the bitterness was towards them selves. Like I said before, this is a tough choice to make as it is and you have to be strong about how you feel in order to go through with either one.


New Mexico - January 22

In the end it will be you that will answer to your decision.. Really think then make your choice.. But, realize that no matter what, you might have doubts.. Good luck on your journey.. After this, you will never be the same again.. Just LEARN and grow after this. P.S. Perhaps a retreat away from everything and everyone will help you decided..


Mommy2Kylie - January 23

Moe- A person is VERY lucky at 16 weeks to be able to tell the s_x. Usually its around 20-24 weeks. Also, instead of telling her how she MIGHT feel if she got an abortion, how about you support her decision instead of trying to talk her out of it. Its her body, and her choice. A woman has a right to what happens to her body, and shouldn't be looked down on for that. She may regret it, but what if shes not finacially ready to take care of another human? The right decision is what she decides to do, not what you think is okay.


Nat - January 24

Hi there Jen, I got pregnant about 2 months ago and although it was under different circ_mstances I know how you feel. I had an abortion only 4 days ago and it was the most difficult decision I have ever had to make. I cant 100% say that im happy with what I did but I dont believe you can be with something like this, but I can say I feel I have done the right thing and hopefully one day when Im more financially stable and ready for a baby it will be the happiest time of my life. I can see someone on here has told you not to have an abortion and I really dont think thats fair, no one can tell you what to do, but whatever decision you make you will be fine. Although im in some pain physically and mentally im doing ok so dont be worried. I hope I have helped you a little bit and good luck in whatever you do, nat x


moe - January 25

Mommie2k whatever your name is you are able to tell the s_x at 4 mo. And I am not trying to tell her what to do, I am just telling her my opinion. I once was in her shoes along time ago and I got through it, so I am just letting her know she's not the only one. I just don't want her to make the wrong decision, she can do whatever she wants and yes I am trying to encourage her to keep it, it is a very important decision! So go to hell! thats what she wants is our opinion so mind your own business and go get someone else's hair, b___h. Sorry Jen but I am just giving you my opinion and I hope you make the right one and keep us updated!!


Dons - February 13

Hi i've just read your story, have you decided what to do yet? I'm in a similar situation and I've only gone 6 weeks, I want to keep my baby but the father is jelous and possesive and once he finds out I'm pregnant he''ll have control over me again when I've only just managed to get away from him. The people who know about my situation want me to have an abortion but I don't think I can go through with it. I have suffered from depression once before, I think an abortion will only take me back there again. I would love to know what you decided and how you feel now I think it would be a great help to people who are in the same situation. Thank you x


Dee - February 13

I had an abortion when I was 19 because the father of the child said that he couldnt promise to be with me or not. I had just started a really good job and I didnt want to have to risk him not being there for the child so I had an abortion. After I had My first live birth I spoke to that guy and he asked me if i loved the child as much as i would have loved his child. He said he didnt want to put any pressure on me but that he would have loved that baby. I think he would have...11 years later a failed marriage, three kids and currently 10 weeks pregnant with an unplanned ..I didnt think about abortion but for a short while. the father of this baby is acting like a fool..initially he was ok but it seems that someone got in his ear and all of a sudden he thinks im lying or trying to trap him or whatever. We live in different states..we never dated because of the distance and i suppose to most other women abortion is the answer but ya know i can not spend another 10 years of my life regretting what i did. The first time the condom was an accident...this time nothing was I need to pay the consequences. I know this was long winded but the point is that our actions have a cause and an effect. If you have your baby you will love her so much..she will be worth everything you have gone through. Trust me on that one. Best of Luck


to Jen: - February 23

You asked if the only reason you shouldn't have an abortion is because you'll MAYBE regret it, or you'll love the baby later. I believe the reason is far deeper........ note this is only my opinion, and you asked. I believe that the decision that honors life is best. I believe that a baby is alive, and to kill it just because it is smaller, doesn't make killing it an option. I know the argument that a baby couldn't live on it's own therefore abortion is ok....... but a newborn couldn't live on its own either...... plus, the most rescent baby born and surviving was only 9 ounces...... it is alive and well, the doctor's rescently reported. THerefore, the baby in you is a life, that you would be killing. If you are honestly ok with that...... what can I say.... it IS your decision. I respect that. But if you are having doubts, and wanted a more POWERFUL reason....... This is it. There are other options, just start thinking about them. YOu can do this, you sound like a strong woman, so you have the strength to make it through these questions. DOn't stop with what is easiest.


to Jen - May 2

I know i'm really late in writing thisn and i,m pretty sure you don't check this ant more, but I have to say I had an abortion thinking it was the right thing to do. It wasn't, it was terrible! I still up to this day cry about the decision I made. The best advice I could give you is don't lisen to anybody but your heart. It will never fail you. If you listened to someone else and got the abortion, think about how you would feel afterwards or if you and the baby because someone else told you to. Trust in yourself to make the best decision possible, so in the end you will know your dicision was based on what you wanted. I made the mistake of listening to other people and will never do it again!!!!


Gabriella - June 15

It is perfectly normal to feel regret or loss over something like an abortion, however, I think the pain and regret you will feel over having your ex-husbands baby would be worse. No matter how much you love the baby, it will always be there and that will affect them. Know that you did the right thing for yourself and for the unborn.


Do u KNOW what an abortion is? - June 18

Visit to make an informative decision. Tell me u don't feel any regrets after u learn how the head of the baby is crushed, and the limbs pulled apart. That's just having no heart.



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