Should I Let The Father Be At The Delivery

14 Replies
Heather - December 6

My baby's father has been an absolute nightmare for my entire pregnancy. He claims that he loves me and will always be there for me but then turns around and cheats on me, lies to me, and keeps me up all night wondering where he is. Finally i kicked him out about 2 months ago. I'm 38 weeks pregnant and have to decide if i should let him be there for the baby's birth. He really wants to be there but i feel angry and want to take the experience away since he ruined my experience of being pregnant. Plus he is just a sc_mbag!! What do i do?


S - December 6

It's good to be as PEACEFUL as possible whlie going through birth! You don't need him there making you feel all wacked out!


April - December 7

Well, I'll tell you what happened to me... and I've written this in quite a few other threads. Long story shortened... my ex dumped me when I was 4 months pregnant, and got engaged 3 months later. He pretty much avoided me the whole entire time I was pregnant too (even when I was living with him, believe it or not). Well, throughout my pregnancy I wondered if I should let him in the delivery room. Part of me wanted him there so he could see the pain I would be going through (because he seems to think babies just slide right out--pain free). But, my doctors and birth coach had been telling me the whole time not to let him in that room if it would make me uncomfortable. Well it came down to the week before I had my baby. I was checking through my email and I saw his email address on there (he wrote me an email). Just seeing his name in my inbox sent my pulse racing, I tensed up, and I got soooooo mad. Right then I knew that I could NOT have him anywhere near me when I was in labor. There is absolutely no possible way that I could've relaxed with that jerk around. So, I didn't call him until the day AFTER she was born. It gave me a nice stress-free day to recouperate and to bond with my baby girl (which I deserved for all the pain her father put me through)... and I don't regret it one little bit.


Heather - December 7

Thanks for the advice. ITs a hard choice for me because as a father i feel that he is a capable being, even though he was horrible to me. I know that it has been said that the experience of seeing your child born can change a person for the better but i feel like he doesn't deserve the experience at all. We constantly argue about things but we are also able to get along if we try as well. I don't know if i should let him be there and work things out as adults or make him suffer. He tells me that its immature for me to take the experience away from him out of spite because it is his first child too and he wants to cut the cord.


miss - December 8

he has no right to tell u whats wrong or right especially becuz of what he's done to u. put urself and ur baby first, dont consider his feelings becuz he hasnt considered urs


April - December 8

Lauren... my mom was my coach too :) along with my sister. It was soooo great and comforting to have them there. I know it made labor a lot easier for me than if my ex had been there. So I think it's really smart of you to have your mom as your coach. HEATHER... if your ex wanted to cut the cord so bad he should've thought about that when he was cheating on you and treating you like c___p during the pregnancy. The delivery room is not the time to be civil.. haha. If there were any place where it's understandable for a woman to be selfish and immature... the delivery room is that place. You are going to need to be as relaxed as you possibly can... and if he stresses you out.. then he does not need to be there. I feel that fathers need to EARN the experience of seeing their child born by being there for the mother during her pregnancy.. it's not right for a father to just sit back and wait and expect to be involved in everything. Our bodies are changing, or eating habits have to change, we have to give up so many things... and lets' not forget the pain! Lord knows that women sure earn the rights to the privelages motherhood!!! I say fathers have to earn it too.... by being there even when they don't want to. Again... if he wanted to be in that delivery room.. he should've done his share by taking care of you during your pregnancy... and I would tell him just that.


Channy - December 10

Don't let him in the labor room. He put you through hell and it was the dumbest thing ever. You and I are pretty much the same. My ex/father of my baby, has put me through Stress -world. I had my baby in April/05. I didn't want or need him in the room with me. I had my mum she was my coach. It was awesome. I also had my grammy and aunty in there to as well. I didnt even put my babys dad name on the birth certificate too. So if I were you. DONT LET HIM IN! AND DONT PUT HIS NAME ON THE CERTIFCATE! He's an a__s just like my ex. We dont need that and we obviously dont deserve it! We got our own lil gifts and they can never take them. I love my life so far. Ive raise my baby for 8 months and will do it forever more.


Heather - December 10

Channy...if i don't put his name on the birth certificate does that mean he is not responsible financially for the baby. I'm only 20 (i live in ny)and although i have the help of my parents, i expect him to help me financially since he is the one who wanted to have a baby in the first place!!


Channy - December 10

I didnt put his name on the certificate and he still wants to be in her life. but than he gave up. so well..he doesnt treat her as his ayah..and well if you dont put his name on there, thats mean hes not responsible for it and wont pay for it..i didnt want to do that with my ex becuz hes on drugs and he drinks..i did it for my baby's sakes,


Sasha - December 11

a name on the BC means NOTHING. If you want child support you file a court order and he'll have to take a paternity test. American society DOES not make it easy anymore for a man to skip out on child support. Do you think it would be THAT easy to skip out on child support? No way! The state would end up paying for it with welfare and the state DOES not want to do that. It would be easier/cheaper to get those absent fathers in a court room, pay for a paternity test and set up 18 years of child support. Heather if you're worried talk to a lawyer. Or look online for free legal information. I don't know where Channy is getting her information, but she's very wrong.


to sasha - December 11

if yur from the states than thats different from canada. what we have in canada is correct. bc means something here. so its diffeerent from yours


. - December 11

Heather lives in NY not Canda.


April - December 11

Heather, if his name is not on the birth certificate then no, he is not responsible for ANYTHING until a paternity test is taken, or paternity papers are signed. Personally, I'd just put his name on there... it'd make things a lot easier, and if you ever did go for financial help from the state, they give you trouble if the father's name isn't on the birth certificate.


channy - December 11

yea..april's right. thats what im trying to say..*hehe* sorry my bad


April - December 11

Also, if you DON'T put his name on the BC or get paternity papers signed.. and choose to file for child support and have him take a paternity test later.. that will slow the child support process down GREATLY... and it will take you forever to get support.. especially if he fights you on the amount. Just something to think about.



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