Should I Try To Get Pregnant

15 Replies
Fiona - November 3

I am a 28 year old English woman, married to a Tibetan man. We have been married for just over a year. Before we got married my husband was really into the idea of becoming a father. Then after he changed his mind. In my mind making me pregnant was part of the bargin! I am desparate to be a mother. And I am considering getting pregnant with or without his agreement. (he doesn't use contraception - I can just stop mine) We've talked about it a lot. But he has consistantly said "No, no way" for the last 12 months. To be honest, I not too worried about having him around, I mean if he decides to jump ship, I am confident I could do it alone. But I need to know what you all think? Would you ever intensionally go it alone with motherhood?


Gina - November 3

Hi Fiona, I am six months pregnant and alone. It was not my intention for this to happen and the father is not interested. While I am happy and excited it also feels lonely without a partner although I wonder is this just condtioning. I think I would really think about becoming pregnant behind your husbands back ( not taking your pill) this seems unfair ( in my mind ) but I am not you and you will live with whatever decision you make. Pregnancy is a vunerable time so keep that in mind. And whatever you decide to do may your god go with you.


Fiona - November 3

Gina I hope that you have your friends and some family with you. I hope that if you need a friend we can help each other. That's why women are so much more resourceful and competent at this.


Gina - November 4

Fiona, yes I have my friends and family with me. I would be lost without them. But yes your right women are made for this and sometimes we expect men to think the same as us and the truth is they dont cause they are not built the same way.


E - November 4

I think that deception is wrong, especially when it involves getting pregnant. This is not only about you and your need to be a mother, what about when the child grows up and feels badly that his/her father is not in his life due to the fact that you knowingly got pregnant against his wishes? You are still so young and have plenty of time to find a relationship that suits both yours and your spouses needs. Can you imagine someone decieving you in this way, if the tables were turned? It is awful. I realize you probably resent him for changing his mind, I would too. I would also leave him and move on to someone that I was more compatible with. Best wishes.


bmorebabe - November 4

I am here on this earth only because my mother was in the same situation as you when my parents were planning to get married she talked of having four children and my father was always gung ho to be a father but once they were married he completely changed his mind seven years into the marriage I was born. My mother tells me that he was a complete gentlemen throughout her pregnancy with me but after I was born he treated her badly when I was 7 years old they were separated and had no more children. I cant tell you what you should do because like Gina I am also pregnant and alone and it is very difficult to go at it alone and like E I think that deception is not right but if this is something that you want and he doesnt is it possible too that he might not be the right man for you? There are many things that you might want to consider before making a decision like this on your own.


Fiona - November 4

I know that what I am proposing is deceptive and potentially destructive for the lives involved. And at 28 I don't feel too young to be considering this. I just feel my husband is obliged to at least try to make me pregnant. I mean we've all heard of women paying to be artificially inseminated and even sleeping with complete strangers to get pregnant. And I have several cousins who accidentally got pregnant the first time they ever had s_x! I understand that the perfect set-up would be to have a loving Mother and Father around, but do you think it's really hard for a child to make it to healthy adulthood with just the one loving parent?


E - November 4

I am sure your child will be fine with one parent but you are still decieving another human into becoming a father. Plainly stated, I am against doing that. Creating a life with someone should be a mutual decision. Sure, that is ideal and you will do what you want. I understand your need for a child more than you know. Really, I do. Please consider talking with him more about this. Is there any way that he would change his mind if he knew you might leave him otherwise? Are you important enough to him for him to make the sacrafice?


Mickey - November 13

Dear Fiona, I am 34 and have known my boyfriend for almost four years. I knew he wasn't right for me, but our relationship wasn't bad. I wanted children very badly, while he wouldn't even talk about it. I knew I should have left him, but I thought I was getting too old, and that he might be my last chance. I started keeping track of my ovulation so I could 'trick' him to get me pregnant, and I was confident, too, that I could do it alone if he wouldn't help me. When the right day came, however, I couldn't go through with the plan of getting pregnant without him knowing it: like so many others are saying in response to you, it is not fair to the man. However, even using contraception, I got pregnant on that day. I am only 5 weeks along now, and he is no more right for me now than he was before. He hasn't offered to help me in anyway and says he is in denial, and that the decision isn't his. Now I don't know what to do - get an abortion (since apparently, I am still not too old to get pregnant), or keep the child I used to want so much. If only I could go back 6 weeks. The reality is not so easy as making the plans were, and you are only 28, you have plenty of time to get a child with the right man. Don't do it.


E - November 13

I am curious about what Fiona has decided. Finoa, care to let us know? Have you talked this over with him and tried to sway his mind?


Fiona - November 14

I haven't done anything about it yet. The thing is I have a contraceptive implant. The contraceptive is due to stop working in February 2005. I have made an appointment to have it removed in December this year. I am really in two minds about getting pregnant. I think you are all probably right. I should definitely be very careful about this, and 28 isn't even near too old... not yet. But even worse is this man really has no interest in anyone but himself, and I should put my hopes for my future first... but in those hopes is the certainty that I must have a child. I just don't know when and who with. I feel sad that every day that I spend with this man is a waste of my potential to be meeting Mr Right.... or even Mr Accidental Pregnancy. But what is better, an accidental pregnancy with someone you'll not meet again, or someone you once loved but has turned out to be a no hoper?


Gina Too - December 14

Dear Fiona, I am 6 months pregnant as well. I am also alone and very lonely. Family and friends do not make up for the role of a male in your life to support you emotionally. I hope when the time is right you become a mother. I wish that my pregnancy could have happened at a better time in my life. Good Luck!


julie - December 16

Dear Fiona, I am six months pregnant and the father is no longer involved in my life. Although in the beginning I thought it would be okay to have a baby without the partner, the reality is much different. Don't get pregnant without your partners consent, it is unfair to him and you may have to face being alone in the future ..not pleasant.


nicole - May 18

we have tried for 3 months to get pregnant and i haven't conceive yet what a good time to try


~S~ - May 18

Fiona, I would suggest thinking about whether or not you want to become pregnant with this man, wouldn't you rather become pregnant with a man who wants this just as much as you and won't leave once he finds out? If this situation makes you and your marrage unhappy, then maybe you should just consider leaving him and finding someone who does want a family with you. I understand that you say you're strong enough to go through this alone, but I must tell you, it's not as fun as it seems. I'm 6 months pregnant and now alone. I hate it. Don't get me wrong, I'm very excited about having my baby, but it's soooo very lonely. My gf who is happily married just had her baby yesterday. I went to the hospital to see her and her little family, although I was super happy for her, I felt so sad inside, because when my time comes, I'm not going to have the husband beside me, his brothers and sisters there, my family there blah blah blah....I really wish what happened to my relationship didn't happy, I wish the father and I could be together and experiencing this together, but that's not the way it is for me and I hate it.


Fiona - May 20

I haven't done it, and so glad I didn't get pregnant by a man who doesn't love me the way I want. Our relationship has fallen apart, there is nothing left to salvage, and so I am enjoying looking for someone new. Thank you all for your advice, I feel for those of you who are doing it alone...but I feel certain you'll find love and happiness again, be it in your child, or in a man. :-)



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