Single And Not Sure What To Do

15 Replies
L - November 7

I just found out I am pregnant with my ex's child. The ex and I had been together for almost a year, we actually tried for a baby together last year and I did get pregnant but had a miscarriage. The tragedy of the miscarriage broke us up. I realized I did not love him and did not want to be with him anymore. But I made a huge mistake and slept with him a month ago, and somehow got pregnant again. Now I am single and facing a choice. I really do want a baby but I'm scared of having to do it alone, I'm not sure about finances and just managing this on my own. I am moving back to my hometown where all my friends and family are, and it's very far away from the ex (this was planned even before I knew about the pregnancy). I have told the ex that I am pregnant. He wants to be involved but only if we get back together as a couple. I don't want to do that because I know I don't love him. I"m happy to let him be involved but he thinks I'm being unfair to move away at this time. I can't imagine staying in this town with no friends or family as a single mother just to please the father (who I'm not even involved with anymore). He really thinks I should have an abortion since I'm not willing to stay here with him and have the baby. I'm feeling a lot of pressure and not sure what the right thing to do is. Help!


:) - November 7

hi im so sorry... i know how u feel. i was in a similar situation last year...i was pegnant after breaking up but i miscarried :( about finances dont worry there is a lot of help out there.... check out ur states programs... most states have programs to help single moms with the cost of having a baby also there is state help for childcare so u can work and still put ur baby in a good school. wic is awesome u can get food for baby and u while u r pregnant. as for ur ex... dont go back to him if u dont want to. ur not being unfair by moving... and if he really wants he can be involved maybe work somehting out with at least holidays i dunno.. but good luck to u and everything will b ok :)


L - November 7

Hi there, thank you for your response. it actually helps to know that other people have been in similar situations. When it comes to finances I guess I'm not really as concerned as I make out to be, I have quite a good job that allows me to work from home. I'm in Canada and we get decent maternity leave. I probably have to make some adjustments but it's very doable. I think I already know what my decison is, I really want this baby. Especially after a miscarriage, I realize how much I do want it. It's the ex factor that's really got me worried, he's demanding a lot from me and right now at a time I feel like being selfish and focusing on my pregnancy and baby. I just hope he backs off a bit. Thanks again, I'm sorry about your m/c I've been there, it's not easy is it.


Liana - November 7

Hi L, I know how you feel aswell, especially when it comes to the thought of affording a child, that freaks me out how the hell am I gonna do that? I am 20 and am 20 weeks preg with a boy and I already have a 1 year old girl.( I am single but I still have contact with their father. when I first found out about the second pregnancy I was so scared and I even thouht about adoption or abortion but i realized I wanted the baby! However I still get scared knowing everything I went through having my daughter. especially trying to deal with her father... anyway good luck with you baby, how far along are you?


Jenny - November 8

L. Its totaly up to you. I am 14 weeks and single, the babies father will have a part in his/her babys life but will not live with me. It works out. its your choice. I could have terminated too but decieded to keep this little life that grows inside me. be strong. he really has no say ! good luck.... ;) my post is red flag, have a look at my situtation, better to be happy, happy momma make s happy baby..:)


L - November 8

Thanks everyone for your encouragement. I am only 5 weeks 5 days. It's hard to even feel that the pregnancy is real this early. I know I can afford this baby if I just take a small step down on my standard of living. I guess I'm mostly scared about doing it alone. This isn't how I pictured my life turning out, but I know I want a baby more than anything. Thanks again guys and good luck to you all!


L - November 8

I spoke to the ex again today and told him what I want to do. He is being very intrusive, he wants to move with me now and live with me. I've told him no, so now he thinks I should pay for plane tickets back and forth for him and if I don't do this I am being selfish. I really want to just exclude him completely from this whole thing. He is causing me more stress and suffering than I need right now. Would it be wrong to tell him I got an abortion so he will leave me alone?


L - November 8

Thanks Jen. I know I need to stand up to him but it's really hard right now because he is constantly in my face. I'm scared that if he does know that I am going ahead with this that I will have to go through this with him for the rest of my life, demanding things from me, and trying to get custody. I would rather just move back home and let him think it's over so he will leave me alone. I wish I had never told him in the first place actually, huge regret. I should have known he would act crazy about it.


kindly - November 8

what ever you do dont have an abortion. but do what you feel, i wish you the best of luck.


Gwen - November 9

Girl, don't you worry about him you need to take care of you and do what YOU think think is best for YOU!! Help is out there for you and having family and friends around you is such a big help. My mom and sister in law have been my support. You will do what's best for you bebcause you know the answer already and don't worry about the ex he is an ex for a reason.


L - November 11

I had a alteration with my ex today, he came into my work and kissed me tried to get me back into to the bathroom ,,like useing s_x to suck me back in.. luckly i had to go to the bank. i got him to leave the store. dam i felt intimidated by him agian.. then I got home and he had stolen a jar of penny's from my home.. and it reminded me of why i kicked his a__s out the first and final time... take no prisioners hon its your life.. you shouild tell him your better off being friends for the baby sake if he wants Anything to do with it..Until you give birth to that baby you can do what ever you want , move if its easier for you.. get away from hi,, even for the rest of your pregnacy, whos need the stress of loser bf's hanging out....Jenn


oops - November 11

soryry L i put your name in the name thing,i was talking to you though..Jenn


a - November 22

my first child, age 20 and bf loved me with all his heart until he found out i was pregnant. he says he loves me and he wants to be with me but he knows (dead set) we are not finacially prepared for this (who is). He wants me to get an aborstion and doesn't care that i don't. I've decided that he can go on his marry little way if that s how he feels i am having this baby its my choice and right now im in the waiting period of whether he's going to leave me for my decsion or condemn me for the rest of our lives. so stay strong woman can do anything correction mothers can do anything!!


caz - November 30

what ever you dont have an abortion it will cause you heartache for years to come and more than likely result in you having another baby anyway you can do this on your own big hugs from UK


lauren - November 30

Wow, this sound alot like what im going through. My ex theatened me with the same,lame excuses. He said he would only be involved with the baby if we were toghther. we lived together until i found out i was pregnant, he actually kicked me out of our house!! now he wants me to move back, but i am so happy being at home, with family nad friends to help me through this. He lives about an hour away form me and when i lived there with him i had no friends or family to support me. He also wanted me to have an abortion, but i said no. This is a hard thing to go throug, bit i think you should do what you planned and move back home wher you have a family and friends to support you through this. It is very scary konwing that you'll be a single mother, and it wont be easy. But you can do it!!!! yo dont need to be with someone you know you dont love just because you are having a baby. One day you will find a guy you love, and he will treat you and your baby like gold, and you deserve nothing less!! Im now 39 weeks and due any day and i couldnt be happier!!!!!! so good luck, you'll make the right choice : )


lauren - November 30

Im also from canada, I live in toronto and your right, ther are tonnes of support programs for single mothers. PS. my mom told me to tell my ex i had an abortion, not a bad idea. After all the stress he has caused me through this pregnancy i wish i had!! P.P.S. You absoultly have the right to be selfish right now. this time is about you, not him so be as selfish as you want!!!!!!! :)



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