Six Months Alone And A Total Turn Around

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aisha - June 25

I am 6 months pregnant with my 4th child. The father of the baby lives in another state from me. For the past 6 months Ive been going it alone...I have 3 kids from a previous marriage and have had more than enough time to slowly go crazy. We finally spoke properly after all this time ..I thought that he didnt care but it turns out that for the past 4 months he was kicked out of his parents house and basically was having it rough but he never forgot about me and the fast forward to now..we had the talk of all talks..lasted for hours and basically got all the things that were in us out. I let him know how hurt I was that he wasnt there for me and his son and he let me know how unready he had been and how he wanted me to understand that he didnt mean to harm me. He doubts that the baby is him..i blame myself because in a tantrum i told him that he wasnt the only one i was seeing which wasnt true. He was but I didnt want him to know that he was the only guy that id wanted in the time that we were apart.So anyways because if that I have to deal with the prospect of a dna test which is ok...I want him to feel certain that this is his son ...i asked him if he would come where i was when the baby was due and he said yes! I was totally surprised but happy because i secretly wanted him to be here but like i said to him if he couldnt get time of work then expect me to be blowing up the celly the whole labor..The thing is when the babys borns were gonna do the test within a week. We just want this dealt with and i asked him what part he wanted to play in the babys life. I told him that he could walk away if he wanted...its ok..i mean im older than him with 3 kids and he has none but he said hed been thinking about "stuff" and said if the baby is his then id be "very happy" with what was going to happen. I figure he wants to marry me and be with me and the baby. THE THING IS..and this is My question to you guys is ..why am I not jumping through hoops...I mean i love this guy to death...i couldnt sleep all night thinking about everything hed been through and wishing i coulda been there for if the past 6 months for me meant nothing... i mean i sent him the scan pics and he kept them all ...i was like wow...he really wants to know about the pregnancy as it his first and im going to let him in but tell me why im so cagey about marriage? I dont know what my issue is..I should be jumping through hoops but im not. Is it the prospect of him being in my life when he didnt want to take on a woman with three kids....I dont think that marriage for the sake of a child is good but the alternative is that he wont be ariund the baby if we arent in the same place Help!



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